mom2emallApril 9, 2009

So my sd is forgetful. I often remind her of things but she still forgets! Last week she was working on homework till dinnertime. I told her to put her things away so we could eat dinner at the table and she could finish her homework right after dinner.

After dinner I was doing stuff with the kids and straightening up around the house. I never reminded her to finish her homework so she did not think about it. She was in the other room so I had assummed she worked on homework. When I told them to get ready for bed she all of a sudden remembered. I told her it was too late and she would have to deal with her teachers consequences. She cried and said I never told her to finish her homework. I told her that I should not have to remind her to pull her homework back out after dinner, she knew it had to be done.

Today she has orchestra lessons right after school. I reminded her this morning she needed her instrument because Thursdays were violin practice. She said she knew. Since it was a nice day out today I told the kids they could walk to school. As they were getting ready to leave I hugged them all and I headed to the shower. So I did not notice that she did not actually carry her violin out with her.

SD just called me from school that she forgot her violin. I told her that I was not bringing it to school because I had reminded her to bring it and it is her responsibility. She said "Fine, then I will not need my lesson afterschool and I will just come home". So I said thats up to her and hung up. I was not going to feed into her guilt trip. And I know that her teacher has loaner instruments that she can use...she just does not want to deal with her teacher telling her to remember her instrument next time.

This is the same girl who NEVER forgets to change her earings in the morning to match her outfits. She NEVER forgets to have her cell phone with her. She NEVER forgets when we promise to rent a movie she wants. She NEVER forgets when she has plans with a friend.

But when it comes to school and orchestra and chores she is the queen of forgetfulness. It drives me up a wall.

Do you think I should have brought her the instrument? Or do you think I should call the orchestra teacher and let her know that sd forgot her instrument and ask her if sd can use a loaner and have her peek in sd's class to tell her? Or do you think I should just let sd come straight home and skip it and deal with the consequences from her orchestra teacher?

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no you should not call the teacher. SD should ask her teacher herself. and she should deal with the consequences, not you.

I have been dealing wiht DD's forgetfullness for her entire life, it was a pain and never got much better. this year she went back to college after Christams break with my house key in her purse after i told her 5 times, make sure you put keys back where they belong. and last year she forgot to pack for the international trip and arrived wiht nothing. just passport and wallet in her pocket. LOL

    Bookmark   April 9, 2009 at 10:15AM
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Kids remember what they WANT to remember. Maybe she doesn't like playing violin so she 'forgets' and she didn't want to do her homework... or it wasn't that important to her. She is obviously willing to accept the consequences if she must... although it doesn't hurt to try and get out of it by crying or calling you to bail her out. (then when you say no, she can shift the blame to 'but they wouldn't let me stay up to do my work' or 'she wouldn't bring me my instrument'... we all know they are not really good or reasonable excuses, but to a kid it seems like an out.)

"I forgot" is the easiest way for a kid to get out of doing something without a real reason. How can you argue with them? Usually, you can't PROVE they really didn't forget but just didn't want to do it.

One of the things I started doing with my kids when they 'forgot'... all of a sudden, I would forget something THEY wanted. (and I would probably call the teacher and ask to give her a loaner. THAT is the consequence to forgetting her own. She isn't going to get out of going to the lesson because she 'forgot' hers. That's what I would do...)

    Bookmark   April 9, 2009 at 10:19AM
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I agree with fd on this one. Let SD deal with the consequences. Its her violin, you reminded her, and she 'forgot' well...too bad!

    Bookmark   April 9, 2009 at 1:04PM
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