SD13 is a good kid
I've got sad news today. SD13 has decided to give up on 50/50 living arrangements. She's going back to BM's and will only come EOW + Thursdays.
Things have been going really well at our place and SD13 has been happy. The reason is not that it's not good at our place, it's that BM is pulling her back in. She's going through a hard time (when isn't she, really?) and needs the support of the kids. SD13 is a good daughter and so she does what is required of her. FDH was so upset last night, he even said he had soap in his eyes after he came out of the shower, but that didn't fool anybody I don't think :-(
It's stressful and disappointing, but we did ok last night and took it easy. There's been times where we will all start having a go at each other if the tension is too much, but we are getting better at dealing with these situations.
If they were my kids I really don't think I could let things be. I would confront BM with the drinking problem and I would get my evidence ready to take it back to court. My SD12 and SD13 should not have to stay home to look after babies and miss school regularly. And they deserve a cooked meal, and a safe environment in which they feel free to express themselves. A nurturing environment to grow in. If they were my kids I would not be able to stand back and let it happen.
But I do understand where FDH is coming from. He's been dealing with BM's sh%$#t for over 10 years now, and after the last attempt to get her help for drinking issues (in court) he's desillusioned in ever getting anywhere. And the harder we try to change things, the worse it gets.
I can imagine that from BM's point of view she feels like she needs to defend herself and punish FDH for trying to get her in trouble. Because that is most likely how she'd perceive it, and fair enough for somebody who's mentally unstable and feels like everybody is out to get her. Taking her to court was not going to bring us any closer, but we were pretty desperate and had exhausted all other avenues. As for the 'punishing' bit, this is not something I personally can relate to, but we can see that BM wants to prove to FDH over and over how she IS mom and decides for HER kids, he is only the 'father' and that means nothing. How dare he even try to have a say in their lives, she'll disrupt our weekends to punish and to show him. Sometimes it's just that simple and nasty.
And I've made my decision. Whatever FDH wants to do regarding the skids, I respect his decision.
We discuss everything, I certainly put in my two bob :-) but in the end it's FDH's decision. And all I have to do is support him and be there for the skids when they're with us. We make it fun, I love cooking a nice meal, they love eating it. We take the dog for a walk, we watch a movie, I listen to SD12 practice the guitar, I laugh with SD13 when we watch silly stuff on youtube (type in "crazy dog man", it's good for a laugh). And of course, we talk about Justin Bieber, aaahhhh Justin.
Life goes on, but I feel sad today.