I didn't... I don't want kids.
Hi - bit of a newbie here, tho I did post aaages ago with pretty much the same rant. My partner (no we aren't married and don't intend to be, not really our'thing' has a SD - 9 going on 6 if you know what I mean.
We have never really had any major problems - I just don't really like her very much. She's quite the needy one, still unable to spend time alone in the upstairs if we are downstairs and unless she's on the computer or watching TV, she follows Dad around like a shadow... hovering. She's still into dolls and babies and the like and is pretty much unable to play by herself, so her father has become her plaything. Is this normal?
To be honest I do my best not to be around every second weekend, but it's the little things that are starting to eat at my sanity. Should a nine year old be able to use the toilet without fearing the bathroom? I discovered the other day that she wasn't washing her hands either, seems she 'doesn't like the flushing noise' so she gets out - which explains why it isn't flushed a lot of the time. I thought this was something kids learned when they were 3 or 4? I know I did?
Dad is a good father, he loves her and spends a lot of time with her - but it's getting to the point where every time she comes over they go bowling or to the movies or she's given something as a gift. Overcompensation I know, but she's going to grow up thinking that the entire world revolves around keeping her entertained. And what time should a nine year old go to bed? She's quite often still up at 10pm and it drives me nutty. Not her presence, but the lack of expectation or responsibility.
Wow this is turning into quite the rant - I hope I don't sound horrible. I try very hard not to let her see that I don't want to be around and I never speak badly of her mother - who is an idiot, which doens't help her cause.
I've learned not to say anything about this to her father, he defends everything with, 'she's just a kid.' or 'i was like that at her age' So I keep my mouth shut and I guess end up raving on this site! We both knew going into the relationship that i was not into kids and nearly four years later it hasn't changed - but I really was expecting her to have grown up a little by now? Perhaps I'm just not familiar with the capabilities of a 9 year old, but compared to the way I was raised and how I conducted myself, she seems a little 'behind'?
I'm not really sure why I'm writing this - just to vent I guess? Am I a horrible person? I mean I have NO maternal feelings at all - not for SD or for any children. i don't dislike them, in fact the plucky ones are great! I'm just struglling with the clingy needy bit. Does it get easier for ppl like me as they get older and we can relate to SD more like an adult?
I've seen a few posts from ppl asking if they should get involved when they are in the early stages of this kind of relationship. I know that my partner is my soul mate - this really is our only 'bump in the road' but I tell you, if I knew then what I know now... I would seriously have pause for thought.