I'm not a drama junkie... honestly.
There is nothing I would like more in the world than to have everyone do what they are supposed to do... not what I WANT them to do or what I think they are supposed to.. no, I let go of that line of thinking because yes, I did use to have MY opinion on what they should do... they didn't do it, so I criticized and now I realize that it's not MY standard they should live up to... but isn't there a BASIC standard? C'mon, am I right or tell me how wrong I am and why, so I can rethink this... I'm open to opinions.
Here is the latest BM drama... (ya don't wanna get me started on the DIL):
SD had a 5th grade camping trip. This was first discussed with parents at back to school night. BM didn't come to back to school night, but all the papers given to parents were mailed to her. (this was back in late August/early September) Fast forward to February. A packet came home. I scanned the pages into PDF and DH emailed them to BM, asking him if she can pay half the cost... her half $82. No response. Two weeks later, he re-sends it with a note that he needs an answer, the money is due. No response. About a week later, he is talking to BM on the phone (this was the conversation where she told him she was going to pay her half ~the check's in the mail~ but wanted to make sure he knew that she was going to take him back to court to lower the child support because she has another mouth to feed now) so he waits for the check. No check. The trip gets paid for without BM contributing.
The trip was set for the week after Spring Break. SD is with us during Spring break. (remember, SD's birthday was the weekend Spring break started... BM came late to her party, ignored her at the party & when SD asked to spend an hour with her after, BM said no... then BM didn't call her on her birthday or the rest of Spring break... she gave her a quick call on Easter ~ just my opinion but I think she just wanted to know what we were doing.. not really to talk to SD since she got off the phone after she gained her information on our plans. I know I could be wrong but that is my hunch) So, DH says, "I'm not going to remind her, she got the info already." BM doesn't call SD back so SD calls BM on Tuesday. She leaves for her camping trip on Wednesday. BM and older sister are both on the phone.. SD is asking "mom, you know what time to get me on Friday, right?" and all you can hear is BM saying "I love you baby" (that is what she says when she is trying to get off the phone) SD repeats, "I love you too mom but do you know what time to get me on Friday?" She literally repeats this five or six times and is getting frustrated because BM is talking & not listening to her.. BM is trying to get off the phone. So, SD goes on her trip and BM is to pick her up from the school on Friday. School lets out at 2:30 but the bus from the camping trip won't get back to the school until 6pm.. that is what SD was desperately trying to make sure her mother knew.
Forward to Friday at 2:30. DH gets a call from BM... Older sister & Grandma (remember, BM won't drive to get her own daughter) is at the school & they are telling her the bus won't get there until 6pm... WTH? So, DH tells her that he emailed the info to her TWICE.. she didn't respond and he HEARD SD asking her if she knew so he assumed she knew. Well, she is P.O.'d at him and now it's all OUR fault! (wait, how did "I" get dragged into this???)
Great~ We have to go pick up SD on Sunday! The last time BM got herself worked up because SD told her I knew she was pregnant, she wanted me to get out of the car & fight her... or at least she wanted the drama of calling me out because she knew I wouldn't fight her... and she had BF & DH to intervene if I were that crazy. Who knows what she'll do this time?
My question: Is there some obligation for DH to remind BM of things when she ignores his emails & won't listen to her daughter? Was he wrong to let BM (& grandma) find out the hard way?
My opinion is that he has bent over backward to try & keep BM informed and get her involved. BM refuses to communicate back and apparently is cutting SD out more & more. I support his decision to let her suffer the natural consequences of ignoring him & their daughter. I would hope she might pay attention more next time but judging from the calls & texts he got (& what was posted on social networks), they are placing all the blame on us. Of course, I also believe that if he reminds her all the time, there is less incentive for her to ever have ANY responsibility. He can't win with her. If he tells her the day before, she says she can't do things on short notice. If he tells her ahead of time... like this one, she either ignored it or forgot... still his fault, unless he adds in reminder calls at the last minute.. then she could yell at him for screwing up her schedule anyways... it really is a no win. If nothing else, at least I am venting.