Drained Stepmom

MrsProffit25April 4, 2011

Hello, I have joined this site to get either advice or reassuance. I am a 25 year old mother 2 with 1 stepdaughter who is 6. She is the oldest. My husband has had custody of her since she was 2. We have been living together since she was 3 and married last year.we have a 2yr old together and a 4 mo old. She was removed from the mothers care due to abuse and medical neglect. She does how ever see her mother on the weekends. 3 hours on sat and 3 hours on sun. Quick definition of her mother - she is a loser who lives ina 2 bedroom house with 3 other adults plus her toddler with one person sleeping on the floor in the living room. noone in the house has a bed. she had bed bugs for almost 6 months without treating her home. she is from one man to another and just lives in the complete opposite way we do. We have a steady stable home we focus on routin and structure. anywho to get to why i am on the verge of giving up. My SD has her own room , her own bed , her own tv , she has everything she wants. We go places and do lots of fun things with all of our kids. We do crafts and well pretty much everything a normal and sane mother does with her children. We eat dinner all together every night. I took all of my kids including my SD to the fair. I invited her mother and even went to pick up her other daughter because i thought my SD would enjoying being with her WHOLE family at the fair. as soon as her mother showed up she turned into this child i have never seen. Crying every 5 mintues , whining.. she wanted nothing to do with me or her sisters from our side. She refused to ride any rides with us. She was down right mean to us. I could not help but feel hurt and angry I BOUGHT YOUR TICKET - I BOUGHT YOUR ARMBAND TO RIDE THESE RIDES.. ME! NOT YOUR MOM.. so the next moning (actually today) i had a talk with her about i felt. I didnt like how she treated me or her sisters. I told her i understand she doesnt get to see her mom all week and missed her and wanted to be with her but thats no reason to be mean to us. Also asked her if she would rather live there and she said ya. She would give up her own room - her privacy - her bed - her sisters - her friends EVERYTHING to live with her mother and sleep on the floor... i know she is 6 and doesnt realise her mother is trash, yet... But what can i do to not get so upset. Im on the verge of giving up. I am her mother figure i just dont own that title. I do her homework with her , I read to her , I do everything (daddy works long hours) i just feel so unapreciated. Even my 2 year old told me thank you when we got in the car after the fair.. Another quick note - sometimes when she asks me for things i tell her to ask her mom to buy it "but mommy has no money" if i reply "i dont have any money either" she is quick to say "yes you do on your card" she accepts it from her mom but not us... i just dont know what to do/say/act... Im not going to "not discipline" like some of these other posts say. im the one with her all day long and i will not tolerate her doing as she pleases in my house. we have rules and she is to follow them just as my other children.

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First I want to say, I know you must be hurting because you care for this little girl and I know you must love her. She has a biomom that is neglectful and has no standards (it seems). But she is only 6 and of course she wants her mommy and of course she would give up her room and her bed and live with bugs on the floor if that meant being with her mommy.

It's not her fault that she feels this way.

I want to urge you not to give up on her. She needs you and in time, she will see that. I would never tell you not to discipline her since you are the custodial household but I would tell you to stop trying to mesh your households. She probably acts that way around her mom because her mom does not discipline her... Which is why your husband and you have custody.

Hang in there and stay strong -- don't give up -- just change your thinking -- don't ask her mom to go anywhere again. You aren't friends.. You are raising her daughter ..

Big hugs!

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 12:52AM
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Oh yes lots of us can relate in one way or another. I'm also going to say: "Don't give up, hang in there!"
A change of mindset is all you need and you will be ok, promise! It sounds like you are doing a great job. Even if SD doesn't show appreciating as you'd hope she'd do, you can still be proud of yourself and feel good, after all you KNOW you are doing the right thing. The rest will follow, but not yet, it will come later.

As Myfampg said: "SD's behavior is completely normal. You probably know that, but you're still hurt anyway (I would be too!)
Just try and keep in mind that SD is still too young to really consider your feelings, kids that age focus on themselves and are still going to be learning about empathy. The best you can do is remember that it's not personal. Sharing your feelings with her is ok, but keep in mind she'll probably be the same way around her mom again if you'd do something like that again. I agree with Myfampg, don't invite the BM to come along anymore. You did it with the best of intentions, which shows how much you care, but unfortunately it's probably better to leave it.

I'm thinking SD might behave like that around mom because that is how she knows to get attention. BM is neglectful and probably doesn't give SD the positive attention she needs/wants, so SD tries to get negative attention. What a sad situation.

Of course it gets to you, how can it not? It's how you deal with those emotions that matters. Allow yourself to feel hurt, but don't allow that to come between you and SD. Look after yourself, and come here for support :-) You'll be allright!

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 2:39AM
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Is there anyway you could remove this woman from her life and you adopt her? This 'mother' is doing this child more harm than good from what you report.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 7:08AM
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Thank you guys so much for the feedback. No we cannot remove her from SD life. She was not around for a yr and suddenly decided she wanted to be mommy again and recieved the 6 hours a week. EVEN AFTER SHOWING THE JUDGE A NOTORISED LETTER FROM HER SIGNING OVER ALL HER PARENTLY RIGHTS. we had court march 1st she said she wanted more time but then told the judge she wants for time in 3 months not right now because right now she doesnt have time for her... And so he arranged another court date.. seriously?? she is not a doll that you can play with only when convienent for you.. I was planning on inviting her mother to our birthday party for her but also agree after seeing how she behaved with her mother at the fair i will not have her attend. Why do you guys think she was mean to us though? I put my daughter in her situation and i know my daughter would give up anything and everything to live with me if i ever got a divorce so that kinda helped me to understand. She just wants her mommy.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 7:47AM
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I agree, DO NOT give up!! (I have to continually tell myself this same thing) My ss mother is a giant pos!!!! She sent ss with us one weekend and texted my husband that she wasn't coming home, that we would keep him and enroll him in school. SS was ditched by mom for a new man. Now bm texts ss with "Oh baby, I love you so much and I miss you" "I can't wait to see you" blah blah blah... then she texts my husband and says she can't get him this weekend. So my husband has to explain to ss that bm has to "work" or has "a thing" She took him to Orlando for spring break, BUT... not to Disney or anything like that. I think they mainly spent a TON of money of food and laid around the pool at the hotel. So now.... because bm took him somewhere she's the hero again. Even though she hadn't seen him since January 1 and she hasn't been to one of his basketball games and we bought him a new bat, new slider shorts, new bat bag and new cleats.... which most of you know wasn't cheap. She's still the hero and he's still texting her this morning because he misses her. It's going to drive you nuts because she sucks.... just like it drives me nuts. DO NOT try to befriend her. It will get you NO WHERE.... I tried. Now I just hate her and I mean that. I HATE her. I love ss though, so I'm trying with everything I have not to show it. My eyes roll without him seeing it, my snickering comments go without him hearing it. I go to ALL of his games, I do all of his homework with him, I buy him all his stuff needed.... she even bought him clothes for vacation but didn't send them home with him. That about blew my gasket right there! Next time I think I'm sending him there with nothing but socks and underware.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 11:27AM
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Unfortunately the way your sd is acting is quite normal in situations like this. I have a similar situation where I am the "mom" and bm rarely sees the kids. She always moves from house to house and lives with too many people. She has more kids.

Whenever she throws my skids any attention they put her up on this pedestal like her actions were the greatest! Seriously my younger sd and ss made a huge deal over their mom making them dinner one night....hot dogs! LOL She boiled a few hot dogs and was supermom to them! When she wasn't around the kids made excuses for her.

As the kids get older it changes though. My older sd is a teenager and does not want anything to do with her mom. She sees through the lovey dovey texts that get sent every few months after bm has not been around. My younger sd is also a teenager and teeters between pedestal mode and not wanting anything to do with her mom. My ss is only 9 and is just starting to idiolize bm. I think that hurts the most because I have been taking care of him since he was 2! He has never even known her as a real mom. She has always been this occasional stranger in his life. But she tells him all about video games she has at her house and all of a sudden he has interest in her!

As for the way she treated you at the fair that was her way of getting mommys attention. My ss does that with my husband sometimes! For a while my husband was working a lot of overtime and my stepson made all his days off miserable with being clingy and whiny the WHOLE day.

Be patient and don't give up!! She needs you in her life.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 11:43AM
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"My SD has her own room , her own bed , her own tv , she has everything she wants."

She does not have everything she wants. She wants her mommy. Being mean to you may have been her way of showing her mom some loyalty & maybe she trusts that you will forgive her & get over it... or understand & still love her.

It has to be the most painful thing to realize that your parent does not want you. The fact that she signed a letter giving up her parental rights, as unenforceable as that is, is a testament to her devotion (or lack thereof).

I found out the hard way, that no matter what I do... it's wrong. Don't invite BM... I'm the bad guy. Invite BM & she disappoints SD... I'm the bad guy. I can't count how many times BM disappointed SD & the anger was directed at me. But, since I am now doing more to disengage & keeping things separate... not inviting BM to participate in anything... let her plan her own stuff on her time, and BM does nothing with or for SD. That's her choice & it's not my place to try and force BM to participate in stuff I plan, especially when the end result is SD being angry & it gets directed at me. Now when BM disappoints her, I can say "sorry to hear that." and it has nothing to do with me.

My suggestion with your BM, is be very non reactive. Do not engage in anything with her. If she can sign over all her parental rights, if she can tell the court she doesn't have time to be a mom now & puts it off for three months... etc. Then the best thing to do is ignore her meager presence and not try to engage her in your life in any way. She will either step up to see her child or go away... and my bet would be on going away. "Out of sight, Out of mind." and while it's sad for the child to have a parent like that, it can also be a blessing to not have the drama & chaos that comes with it when the BM comes in & out. I used to try to make BM feel guilty for abandoning SD the way she did... but whatever guilt she feels hasn't made her into a better mom, it has only cause ME grief because BM still doesn't want to be a mom, but she stays just involved enough to keep SD hanging on & in turmoil. SD has told us for the last 4 years that she wants to go live with her mom... she has said horrible things about me & DH, thinking she would get to go live with her mom... but irregardless of what SD wants, the harsh reality is that BM does not really want her to go live there because it would upset HER new life. She just turned 12 & is just now changing her attitude about her mom... she's much less protective of her mom. She is realizing that her mom has been lying to her & stringing her along for years.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 12:21PM
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momof3 - omg thats so our story as well!!! She falls for all her mothers lies.. for instance her mom promised her a princess room. we let it go on for a year then saw her upset so we redid her room into a princess room. she had a throne and everything. yet she still was not please because mommy's would be better. mind you this was 2 years ago and still does not have a princess room at her moms. not even a room. i agree part of the problem is she has rules here - strict rules because i will admit my husband and i are pretty strict but i also feel you have to be these days. My children are well behaved smart and well mannered. its just so amazing how different she acts with her mom. My parents are still together so i cant really put my self in those shoes buts its crazy!! she still belives her mom will make her a princess room "she is working on it" everything is "she is working on it".. I always knew being a mother would be hard and it is - but being a step mom is 100% harder lol. we have court on ap-ril 18th and im so worried she will get overnight weekends..family law down here sucks. we are on our 2nd lawyer i have documented everything , every email email word ever said.. video tapes -everything... BM has even admitted in court to telling my SD that "daddy doesnt love you , daddy wanted mommy to kill you" she has punched dh in the face while holding sd and my sd loves to tell that story it puts the biggest smile on her face to know bm punched her father... still normal behavior?

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 1:13PM
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no, not normal behavior but she is only six.ditto everything already said...
I wouldnt ask her if she wanted to live with her mom... ofcourse she does and she has no real concept of the consequences of living with her mother. Infact, it is not something that is her choice... so why put it out there.

I personally, would have corrected her in front of her mother. She is getting conflicting messages with all of BM's nonsense and I would make it clear that no matter who is around you don't get to act like that. Personally, I have corrected my own stepkids in front of their mother on several occasions. If she wants to allow her children to act a fool and treat her like crap then that is fine but they know our rules and they dont magically change because mom happens to be there.

As to laughing about the story about punching dad in the face being funny... I really wouldnt read to much into that. I mean look at how many shows that show things like that being a joke and if bm is making it into a joke as well... it just seems like something that might be funny to a six year old who doesnt know better. I would try for explaining that mom was absolutely wrong doing that, no one has a right to do something like that and it is not funny. Maybe even "happen" to remember the story the next time she has a scrapped knee or something else that hurts and say man oh man that really hurts... can you imagine how much it hurt daddy to be hit in the face. That is why it is not funny etc etc...

I also would not necessarily not invite mom to the bday party. It may come to that eventually but I would at least give it another try and preempt any behavior with a chat with sd about how it will not be accepted. "Sd, we understand you miss you mom and we would like to invite her to your birthday. But, if you act the way that you did at the fair you will have to go to your room and miss out on party fun because acting like that is never okay." And, if she starts to act like that immediately say, I'm sorry but you were warned so now its time for a time out so you can remember to treat everyone nicely.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 1:53PM
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Normal behavior? NO. Unusual behavior considering her life circumstances... No, not really. A six year old that loves to tell that story... sounds as if she is enjoying the reaction she gets. SHOCK! She shocked you. She upset you. That is part of the manipulation that is fairly common in kids, especially girls. If they can get reactions, pit parents against each other, etc. then it may mean more for them. All you can do is not give a reaction.

My son used to go back & forth, telling me his dad bought him ___ hoping I would go buy him that or better... and he'd tell his dad what I got him & his dad always had to one up me, so there was definitely a payoff to my son. and when there's a custody battle, the kid usually gets a lot more attention because the parents are battling... and when parents are battling or not talking, it's much easier for kids to say whatever they want when they know the parents are not going to discuss it.

My SD's mom promised her a room & detailed how she would decorate it. I was tempted to give her the room her mom promised her since I knew it was a lie, but I didn't. Her mom was living in a one bedroom house when she made that promise. When her mom moved to a bigger house, she still didn't give her a room of her own, nor did she decorate it. Now she's living in a small house again & SD is sleeping in a sunroom converted to two bedrooms which are shared with four other kids. (BF's 3 kids) SD has her mom figured out and that is THEIR relationship.

You're right, being a stepmom is 100% harder & can make you feel unappreciated. Someone else's child is never going to accept our parenting the SAME as our own child, whom we bond with from in utero. I have guardianship of my 2 year old grandson since he was 9 months old, but I still see the same behavior/reactions when he spends time with his biological parents... there is a bond there that is so strong, even though they hardly see each other & I am his caretaker 24/7.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 2:35PM
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i just wish the judge would have opened his eyes... the biting throwing pens at my sd telling her daddy wanted mommy to kill you , the bed bugs the druggys living in the home... and now she will probabaly get weekends. i cannot shield her from all that if she is there around it. its terrible... then im worried if her behavior will affect my 2 children. how is my sd going to be when she is 13.14.15.. what about when she wants to live there and has her own choice. i know she will choose to live there.. anyone gone through that? what did you do? part of me thinks she will want to return when she see's how things will really be on a full time basis living there. i figure ill let her come back but only once... yes, i think about this all the time. maybe a little to far ahead but im worried she will grow up just like her mother.. pregnant at a young age , living from house to house... that is my biggest fear..

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 3:18PM
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I totally understand what you are talking about. I think my ss bm is secretly telling him he still gets to come back to her when he's 13. She tells my dh that she "doesn't believe in that stuff"... thats bs!! A child can have a say about what their wishes are but a judge gets final call on custody. If the judge doesn't think that the child's wishes are legit.... ex they get to do whatever they want at other parents and not at current custodial parents then he will still deny the wishes of the child. The child's wishes have to be for very good reasons. My ss and I got into it once when he first came and he yelled that to me.... that he'd go back to her when he was 13. I made it very clear to him that he wouldn't get that chance because no judge would give her a child in their right mind. Especially because of his reasons. We are strict like you. We make our kids get their homework done, do chores, be in at certain times, only so much time playing video games, etc. She litteraly lets him do whatever he wants and NEVER makes him do homework. His first nine weeks this year, which were with her he got straight B's and didn't turn in any homework. With us the past 2 nine weeks he's gotten 4 A's and 2 B's and turned in all of his homework. A judge would totally see this as an achievement and that he is most definately in a better situation with us.

My ss mother is also, I believe, on drugs. Her new bf's sister was just arrested this past week on possesion of heroin and her bond was $20,000. BM has had many sores on her face and has really gone down hill on her hygiene, looks. I hate that she has any influence on my ss. He sees this and probably believes it's all ok. I try to get my dh to say something or do something but he doesn't want to fight anymore. I'm also afraid that eventually he'll think this is ok.... and my son is only 7 months older then him. I'm afraid that he'll get my son in trouble with him. (My son's bd is currently in jail for probation violation..... he failed a drug test, but he's been out of the picture for 10 years.... so no influence what so ever) If you'd like to talk more sometime, my email justcantgiveit@yahoo.com. It sure seems that we have quite a bit in common with our skids and their pos bm's.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 3:55PM
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I feel bad for you and bad for your SD...Poor child is suffering too.

I don't know what you could do at this point...The only suggestions I have: do not ask her if she wants to live with mom, it is not up to her, she might start thinking you an dad prevent her from going to moms.

Also do not invite mom to events. Mom could have her own events with SD and you have your own. In ideal situation everyone could go to the same events but there is no need in your situation.

Why do some people even have kids...

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 5:03PM
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I say this to myself A LOT.. Worry never robs tomorrow of it's sorrow but steals today of it's joy.

Don't worry yourself with what happens when she is 13 14 15 worry about here and now and what you can control.
1. You can control how you react to SD when she behaves in a way that you feel is inappropriate
2. You can control how you deal and react to BM
3. You cannot control what happens at BMs home (bugs, misbehavior, no bedroom for SD, druggies coming and going)
4. You cannot control the judge -- you can only provide the facts and evidence you have and trust in your attorney
5. You CAN control how SD behaves while with you even when BM is around (ok I know you can't 'control' her but you can punish her for misbehavior at your home and you MUST follow through with your threats of punishment or SD will not believe your warnings of consequences.
6. You can not worry about SD wanting to live with BM now or ever. Key word 'wanting'. To most children, the grass is always greener on the other side, until they find out it isn't.

When I was 10/11, I wanted to live With my biodad. I made my mom and stepdad miserable!!! I remember being a pain so that they would WANT me to go also.. I finally was allowed to go when I was 12 and my mom made me stay for 2 school years. I hated it!! Grass was no longer green. It wasn't because my dad and his third wife were mean or anything, it was because they were negligent and I ended up having to grow up way before my time. I had to fix my own dinner if I wanted to eat. I had to find my own ride to school (7th grade) can you imagine not knowing how you would get to school each day? I had to save all my money from birthdays and gifts to buy my own clothes. I ended up having to call
My mom for everything and of course, she would be there for me but in a way, she made me suffer through it because it was MY choice to move. I turned out OK. I turned out better than ok actually. I moved back home as soon as my mom would allow it and I walked the finest line ever!! I was respectful and committed to being a part of my family (mom and stepdad) because I realized what I didn't want to be a part of. My mom later told
Me that it was necessary to make me stick to my decision to move in with dad to get me to see that there are consequences to our choices. Sometimes we make bad choices but we have to stick with them until the road changes. You can't make decisions that effect everyone around you and then expect to be bailed out with a phone call. I really do appreciate that from my mom and mostly live my life saying 'well I tried, I failed, I'll make the best of it and I'll get myself out of it because I got myself in to it'
That's not always the case but I wanted to share because I think it's important you know-- it will not be the end of the world when she wants to move to mom's but it's so far away, don't worry with it today. Mom still has time to change and she might. Everyone can change. My sister has been an awful mom for the last 13 yrs and honestly I think she just needed time to grow into being a mom because in the last year I have seen her finally put her son first and is finally stepping up. The unfortunate thing for her is he has never had a stepmom or stepdad like you (no dad either) to stand up for him and try to be a good role model but what does matter is that she is NOW seeing what is important and she CAN salvage their relationship and she can earn mother of the year award because she has accepted the mistakes she has made and she is making the necessary changes, no matter how long it took. Just take it one day at a time.

You are doing the right thing -- just keep doing it.

Also, I know you are worried about overnights. I feel your pain. My daughter started overnights with her father a few months ago. And there is a lot is crap In that situation... I lost a lot of sleep the first few weekends but I have since gotten used to it and DD is doing ok. I live for his cancellations though. It seems the novelty has worn off as it might with SDs mom... And she may not have her as much as she could.

Let us know how court goes.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 8:13PM
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thank you all so much for words of support! it means alot to me!!!

    Bookmark   April 5, 2011 at 8:46AM
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"how is my sd going to be when she is 13.14.15.. what about when she wants to live there and has her own choice. i know she will choose to live there.. anyone gone through that? what did you do? part of me thinks she will want to return when she see's how things will really be on a full time basis living there. i figure ill let her come back but only once... yes, i think about this all the time. maybe a little to far ahead but im worried she will grow up just like her mother.. pregnant at a young age , living from house to house... that is my biggest fear.."

This must cross my mind at least once... usually more. a week. All the what if's???? I know it's ruining today to worry about tomorrow & I'm finally getting to the point where I am letting go of those fears & changing my attitude.

My SD was sexualized early... at 5-6, saying she wants to be a stripper. At 8, posing naked barbies in sexual positions. At 7-8, being sexually aggressive with boys at school & even with her cousin. She would say inappropriate, provacative & suggestive stuff you don't normally hear from a child under 13-14. In my opinion, she has probably been sexually abused however there is nothing to prove that. She had described seeing her mom in bed with a boyfriend "kissing & stuff" so who knows what she saw. BM had SD wear thong panties when she was 7-8 & buys her padded bra's & sexy panties now... that we toss but still, what kind of mother pushes her daughter in that direction? So, I think my fears of what she'll be like at 13-15 are very real. She is now 12... sneaks, lies & very manipulative. I also understand she's been through a lot & take that into consideration of that's WHY she does a lot of what she does... the way she has been neglected & hurt as well as the modeling she gets from her mom. It doesn't make the future any less scary for us.

It's hard to ignore what the future may bring when you are being the responsible person & the other parent isn't. We know that BM has not paid her child support in over a year. BM does not think it's her responsibility to support her child. She has hired an attorney to fight paying any part of the medical bills or support. She refuses to be involved in SD's education or really, any part of her life. She even sends grandma to do the pick up for her while she sits at home playing games on facebook. When SD is there, she sends her off with older sister, other relatives & even to her BF's ex wife's house to spend the night. She has little to no interest in this child, yet she allows her to eat as much of whatever she wants (resulting in 20-30 lb. gain when she's there for the summer) and SD has even got physically ill from eating too much junk food. So, common sense dictates that if or when SD gets into trouble, it will fall upon DH & me (the ones that have had to be the responsible adults) to deal with it. BM can't even manage to take care of herself, she goes from place to place (boyfriends or her mom) to have others take care of her). And with BM having three children that she has pawned off on whoever to take care of them, it's a very real fear that SD will think nothing of having kids & expecting someone else to take care of them... because that has worked for mommy. And her early interest in sex only makes it a more real fear.

But, like I said... I am changing my attitude about it to learning how to say "it's NOT my problem". As I said in another thread, we are allowing natural consequences & sending her to live with her mom or refusing to take on the responsibility for her mistakes if she decides to start making babies will be that consequence. It's easy to say that now & would probably be harder if there is an innocent baby involved, but the reality is that BM is supporting/encouraging and responsible for a large part of SD's problems. Both BM & SD resist any of our efforts to help or change what's happening & when it comes to fruition, it will have to be THEIR problem to deal with.

    Bookmark   April 5, 2011 at 6:42PM
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Bless you Imma- I got tears reading about your SD. How awful! Of course in your situation I wouldn't get any sleep... I can definitly see how you would be so worried. Wow

    Bookmark   April 5, 2011 at 9:29PM
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This is awful what is going with SD...if SD comes home pregnant, you and DH will be raising her baby and it will be your problem again for at least next 18 years. It is tempting to send her to moms, but if mom does not want her now, she will nto want her later

    Bookmark   April 6, 2011 at 6:01PM
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First things first...cut off the relationship with her mother. As much as you want her to see that mommy and step-mommy can get along, it doesn't work out in most cases. Trust me, I speak from experience. They are your friend as long as things go their way, but you disagree about anything and they call you every name in the book to their kids and make the kids feel awkward if they have a relationship with you. IT DOESN'T WORK. Trust me, I have tried with the best of intentions and I have cut off all contact with my step-kids' mother.

Your SD seems troubled and I am sure it has everything to do with her mother. Don't feel resentful if she wants a relationship with her mother because that is natural. Deep down I am sure she loves you too, even though it may be put in her head that she shouldn't feel that way about you. Do you see how that can be confusing to a 6 year old? Have patience with her. Stand your ground and don't allow any disrespect towards yourself, but also offer a nurturing heart to her because she will need it...it is not like her mother hasn't let her down before right? She will see it in time.

My SD mother's is absolutely nuts. I normally would never say anything about anyone's mother, but she is more concerned with being her kids' friend than doing any parenting or looking out for their well-being. I could go on and on about things that have happened in our 13 years of marriage that you would never believe. Hang in there. You love your husband, I know you love your SD and your kids. Just understand that her life is different no matter how much you want it to be normal. All you can do is show her you are there for her and in time she will see it.

All I have to say is you are not alone and we have all been through some sort of baby momma drama. :(

    Bookmark   April 8, 2011 at 12:27PM
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Or baby stepmomma drama :)

    Bookmark   April 10, 2011 at 2:07AM
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LOL myfampg, you are funny

    Bookmark   April 10, 2011 at 9:14AM
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