Horrible, horrible night
I am just so shaken and devastated at the events that transpired tonight.
Warning: this will be LONG.
DH called me at 3 pm today and said he needed me to go pick SS up from school. (It was not our night to have him.) He said BM had called him and was out at a bar drunk. She had called DH crying and said she and her DH were fighting, she was out drinking and didn't want to get her son.
DH was at work and couldn't leave so he asked me to go get him. SIGH.I agreed, and after I got my DD from school, we headed out and picked SS up from school. He was surprised to see us but happy nonetheless. I told him his mom was "sick."
(LORD--my mom is an alcoholic and my dad used to say the same stuff to us.)
So we got home around 5 pm and ten minutes later I hear knocking at my backdoor. I went to the door and it was BM! EEK. I was floored and didn't know what to do. I cracked the door open and asked her what she wanted and she said she just wanted to talk to her son.
She was sooo drunk. I could smell the alcohol on her breath and she was slurring her words and just looked like death. I told her no, I didn't think it was a good idea, that if she wanted she could sit in her car while I called my DH and had him come home. Well, then, of course, SS and my DD came running to the back door and SS saw his mom and was all excited---so she came in. (I did let her in. I suppose I could have insisted/threatened to call the police but at this point she was being emotional/nice. Hindsight is 20-20, I really should not have let her inside.)
So BM wound up staying for an hour and a half. She sat in my kitchen and cried and told me how horrible her life is, how blessed her son is to have me, she's a loser mother,etc. A big old pity party for her. She's leaving her DH, etc. I really didn't know what to do. I gave her water and then made her some coffee. THEN she went out to her car and came back inside with a bottle of wine from her car--and proceeded to sit there at my table and drink it!
I should have had the BALLS then to say "this is not okay, you need to leave." But I didn't. I listened to her cry and I encouraged her to go back to school, get a job, do something with her life--and most of all stop drinking! (Keep in mind she had driven to our house from her town which is about 20-25 miles away.)
SS and DD were playing and not really paying attention to any of this. Around 7 pm I finally said "look, the kids need to take baths, and do homework and get to bed so I really think you need to go." I asked her if she wanted to call a ride and she said she was fine---this is actually when I made her the coffee.
So I put my DD in the bath and then BM started to say goodbye to SS. At this point, she was REALLY drunk, she tripped over our dog bowl and about wiped out. Slurring, rocking back and forth, it was BAD. She kissed SS and he immediately recoiled and told her to leave--he KNEW something was up! He stalked off to his room and she followed him. I heard them talkign and then BM called me to come in there. I went in and what happened next floored me again.
BM glared at me and said that SS told her I "beat him and spank him all the time. Why would he say that?" SS was crying now, sobbing that he wanted to go with his mom. I reassured BM that I have NEVER spanked SS or "beat him" or anything of the sort. Good God. I am a gentle, loving and kind mother. I have swatted my own DD's butt maybe 2-3 times in her life! We really are not a spanking family. AUUUGHHHH. This is what SS has always done---he wants to get a rise of out his mom and he lies. He has accused DH of spanking him, accused my DD of biting/hitting/etc and now he is accusing me. It's all some weird attention-getting thing---and he does it because it works.
I asked SS to describe one time when I have spanked him--and of course, he couldn't. He just kept saying "I want to go with my mom, you spanke me all the time." :( I have NEVER EVER spanked him.
So BM flipped out and told me she was taking him with her. At this point, my DD was out of the bath and crying, asking what was going out, as was SS. I hustled DD to her room and put her in bed with a movie on...so THANK GOD she was spared from seeing what happened next.
BM was heading out to the car with SS and I went out and had to tell her that if she drove off with him, I would call the police. I told her I am responsible for him when DH is not here and that in her drunken state, I could NOT let her drive with him. SS was standing in the backseat sobbing and begging me to just let him go with his mom. It was AWFUL. I was crying and BM was just ENRAGED. She told me to "back the f-k up" and that she was going to "kick my ass" if I called the police. Then she started to back down the drivway---so I called 911 on my cell. She saw me on the phone at that point and went NUTS. Took the keys out of the ignition and threw them to the ground. Then she grabbed a crying SS and put him out of the car. Then she CAME AT ME and punched me in the nose! I mean, seriously punched me! I have NEVER been punched before. Luckily, I turned my head so she hit the side of my nose-- if she'd hit it dead on, I think it would have broken it. As it is, it is all swollen and tender on the one side, and I am sure it will be bruised tomorrow. It hurts so bad--I can feel it pulsating! :(
I am ashamed to admit--I was terrified! I am not a violent person, and BM has an absolutely psycho temper---I ran from her into the house and yes, she ran after me screaming that she was going to kick my @$$. I slammed the door and called DH hysterically and told him what happened, he said that he was calling the police and on his way home immediately---then of course my DD came running out of her room asking what was going on. AWFUL. Then I decided I couldn't leave SS outside with BM in the driveway b/c she might try to take off with him again. So I went outside to get him and he was out there sobbing and screaming at his mom to not hurt ME. I know it's awful, but a part of me was sooo touched that he would stick up for me. Well then BM came at me again--she came flying across the drivway at me shouting that she was going to kill me. I ran back inside again b/c honestly--she is SUCH a lunatic I honestly AM afraid of her. One good blow to the head and really, she could kill me. As I ran inside, I dropped my cell phone and BM picked it up and (according to SS stomped on it and chucked it in the mud,) BLESS his heart, later on when the cops were there, little SS brought me my broken cellphone and told me he wants to buy me a new one for my birthday.
He later told DH he has never seen his mom act like that, she acted like someone he didn't know. :(
So the cops arrived and talked to me, and to BM. They ultimately decided that I should take SS back inside the house and BM would be driven to the police station and someone could come pick her up.
DH arrived at some point and asked about pressing charges. They said I could but that honestly, with no real physical damage, it would not amount to anything. She cold cocked me but there's no blood, my nose isn't broken, etc---we'll see if it's bruised tomorrow.
They did suggest I get a restraining order--I think I will.
DH called the GAL from the court case tonight and left a vmail saying it's an emergency, and to call him tomorrow.
what do you all think? Is there anything DH and I can do to protect SS?
It is AWFUL--he sobbed to me and to DH about how it was all his fault for saying those things about me, and how he wants to take them back. He was so afraid his mom was going to jail and so afraid that I was hurt.
I am SO F-ING PISSED that this went on in MY home and that SS saw so much. And I am REALLY ANGRY that my DD saw even a glimmer of it. This is NOT what I was raised to live with and I will be damned if my daughter is going to experience this stuff! I know it might sound heartless, but she is SS's mother---so to some extent, he is always going to be affected by her. I can only do so much about that. But my daughter has nothing to do with this! I am so angry! I really even considered leaving my DH tonight---I was THAT angry. I will do WHATEVER I have to do to protect my child from this stuff.
What to do? How can we prevent this from happening again? How can we protect SS?
The courts/police are worthless. DH asked the cops to give her a breathalyzer and they said she wasn't driving, so they couldn't do anything. They could not even arrest her for assaulting me---because SHE told them I hit her. HA. Even SS saw the whole thing and told the police that his mom hit me! All I did was put my hands in front of my face and run!
AUUUGHHHHH. I am devastated.