Annoyed with SD 'forgetting' things

incognitomomMarch 15, 2011

Let me start off by saying my sd does not seem to pay attention to anything she needs to do! She is in activities and even though she is middle school age I have to follow up and find out when all her events, practices, etc are because she gets it all mixed up or forgets. Last year she missed a band contest because she never told us about the date or gave us any of the papers her teacher gave us. The day before she told us and we had a wedding to go to. We had no way to get sd to this contest and she was freaking out. We said oh should be more responsible if you want to be in activities.

She is great about doing homework for the most part, but when it comes to everything else she forgets. Last week her team was supposed to have a team party and everyone could bring treats. She tells me the night before at bedtime. I said she should have told us earlier, its too late now she will have to go without treats. She whined to dh the next morning on the way to school and he stopped at the store and bought treats. When he mentioned it to me I told him what I had already said to her and he was angry and talked to her about it when she got home.

Last week she asked us if she could go to the mall shopping for a dress for this upcoming dance. The dance is not for her grade though and she told us that they are letting students in her grade attend. We said when she brings us home a note from school that says students in her grade may attend we will think about it. She got upset, but we are not buying anything for a dance she might not even be allowed to attend. She has yet to bring this note home and I have a feeling it will be the night before the dance when she does.

Tonight at bedtime she tells me that she needs to bring in food for a class tomorrow. I ask what kind of food and she says anything?!? I said well I am not sending "anything" for some class that you can't tell me what the food is for. Then she says they are doing some man vs. food contest?? and that she can bring in peanut butter and celery. Ok we have that, but not enough for her whole class! So I told her she should have told us when she found out about this food thing...not at bedtime. So she says she will be the only one without food and I said then she can tell them she forgot to tell her parents anything about it till the last minute and that is why.

Now I feel the need to leave my husband a note about it in the mornig so she does not try to con him into getting it for her. I am so tired of this last minute stuff that she just expects us to run out for. Am I being too hard on her?

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Nope! You are absolutely right!!

We have the same issues with SD's and I couldn't agree with you more. And what is with these men, who just jump when their daughters say jump?! Drives me nuts..

This is what I've suggested to FDH: When SD forgets something, it is her problem, not his. When SD gives us information too late..same thing. The only way to teach her to be more responsible, is to not pick up the ball when she drops it. She'll have to miss out on something that she really wanted to do, and then she'll get it (I hope).

I find it hard though once we're put on the spot and other people are affected by it. For example:

Finals from basketball last week. After the match the coach came
to collect the players shirts. SD only wore a bra underneath and said she
didn't have another t-shirt. The coach looked expectantly at me, so I pulled
one out of my #%$ and all was sweet!

Hahaha ok so I had no idea and looked silly standing there empty handed..

It was organised for FDH to drop the shirt off before 10am the next morning. He didn't think about it twice, assuming SD didn't know about it before. So I asked the question: "SD did you know about this?" And yes, she did but she forgot. Oh surprise.
She thinks "Dad will sort it out" and so there's no need to remember things really. I told her off for that, it's not good enough. She's old enough to be more responsible for her own things/activities etc. Her response: "I was going to ask mum to pick up the shirt from here and drop it off at the coach's place". So then I told her off for that too :-)

    Bookmark   March 16, 2011 at 6:45AM
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Some of this is why I'm so glad our school finally went 'online'. Click click and I can see announcements, teacher/school notes, assignments, special activities. I also ask each day when I pick DD up 'anything new today I need to know about?'.

Back when my boys were in school it was harder. Both with ADD and announcements ect went in one ear and out the other. Notes? Forget about it. School had the idea that Jr High and High schoolers did not (should not?) need notes. Lots of times school/teacher did not bother to say they even wanted something until the evening before they wanted it. Like the only thing I have to do is drive into the city and get whatever on the spur of the minute (our little town is 15 miles out and nothing out here except a small grocery and gas station is open past 5pm).

Now our teachers and school don't get away with that. Teachers, coaches and school office must update their individual sites by 3:30 each day. Still not ideal, but at least gives me time to text Dad to make a stop on the way home if necessary. Unusual activities and 'please bring to school by such and such a date' have to be up 72 hours in advance.

Back with the boys, without notice I could walk around the corner to the grocery (yeah like I wanted to bake at 8 pm) but there were times I just said 'no'. Tough. Not my problem boys and/or school could not bother to let me know until the evening before.

I think you're handling this just fine, Mom. Especially when homes have more than one child in it. I can't imagine sudden newsflashes from several kids all wanting needing last minute stuff. Forgeting by the kids and/or actual lack of prior notice on the school's part...pfft, I'm not going to feel bad kid or school didn't get what they wanted.

I did have my boys jot down a self note and stick in their book bags those classroom announcements, which did help a bit back then. Sometimes inked notes on the back of their hands is what came home 'two dozen cookies on Friday' LOL.

    Bookmark   March 16, 2011 at 8:06AM
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It sounds like you are describing my biological daughter ! Seriously ,she always forgets what she has volunteered to bring to school for the class..or that student council day has changed. Every morning, I ride her to get out the door on time !
This morning on the way to the bus, she made a remark about a boy who lives down the street who is perpetually that was a foreign concept to her :D

    Bookmark   March 16, 2011 at 8:25AM
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Sounds like this is an issue with DH rather than SD. You guys need to get on the same page. Train them early!!!

Or get a white board. On the white board, say requests must be made X days ahead, and make an area to write requests.

    Bookmark   March 16, 2011 at 9:42AM
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My DD is absent minded. But eventually they learn how to deal with it, let them make mistakes and learn. Usually I was unable to comply with short notices due to work schedule, depends how important it was. DD was independent and resourceful from early age so if she forgot things, she would come up with something on her own or if she couldn't then she would deal with it. I was not a helicopter mom.

But I hear you about absent mindness...It could be frustrating...But let them learn.

But some stories are funny. We all tell jokes in extended family how only DD and my brother could forget XYZ. DD is successful, so is my brother. Funny though that none of them forgets what is related to their job. ha Interesting, maybe because they get paid? LOL

    Bookmark   March 16, 2011 at 6:19PM
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We are trying to let her learn that if she forgets until the last minute then things just don't always get done. I hope that she turns out successful when she gets older. It is funny to picture it though! I could picture a day in her life....
-forgets to set alarm clock and gets up late
-rushing to get out the door and forgets items for work
-gets to work and remembers that she forgot to do something for work
-locks her keys in the car


    Bookmark   March 19, 2011 at 12:45AM
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