JNM how are things??
Do you still check in here every now and then?
How are things with your SD? I hope not as bad as mine :-(
SD15 has practically dropped out of school, she might go one or two days a week. She's in year 11 and I really don't think she can keep this up much longer so I'm expecting her to drop out (officially) soon.
This weekend we gave her a heads up on what she can expect from us if she goes on like this:
1. She will not be able to stay with us anymore during the week, we do not support Stay At Home Bums. So when BM kicks her out again, we'll let her stay the night but take her back the next day before we go to work.
2. We made it very clear that so far we have allowed BM and/or SD to decide on when/how long she stays with us. We do actually have control over what happens at our place. BM has dumped SD on our doorstep without any notice several times; deciding she was to live with us for however long. We have allowed this because we know BM has control-issues and SD was the child caught in the middle, so we did what was right for her. But now she's not a child anymore and it has to stop sometime, so that is now. (We can just see it now: SD dropping out of school, bumming around, getting into arguments with BM and when they need a break from each other she's dumped on us).
3. We showed understanding for the fact that BM has given a terrible example; never taking SD to school enough and giving her the message that that's ok, so now SD thinks nothing of it. But there comes a time when you become responsible for your own life. SD is old enough now to make her own choices now and she must know that we all have to live with the consequences of our own choices. We hope that SD realises she does have control over her own life.
4. When she helps herself and puts an effort in we are more than happy to help her out where ever we can. But if she chooses to continue on like this than don't expect a handout from us. We want her to have a happy life, to make the most of the opportunities that are out there (and not to become a loser like BM! But we didn't say that ;-)
SD listened with the sad face and didn't say much. Will she make a change? I'm not holding my breath. But I think it's still important we said it; because now she knows exactly what she can expect from us. It makes it easier to follow through with it later on; if we need to.
So that's my update :-)