Here's our dilemma:
When the skids come to our place they feel that we 'force them' to come to our place and that we 'keep them away from their mum'.
So then we consider giving them their freedom and letting them go. Feel welcome to come when you want but don't feel pressured. If you don't want to come than that's ok, we just want to see you happy, that is all that matters.
You would choose the second option without hesitation in any normal situation, buuuuuttttt this is not a normal situation. We are dealing with a parent here who is alienating the kids from the other parent and being quite successful at it. So if we give the kids their freedom; they will be made to believe that their dad does not care about seeing them. It will not be experienced as a positive, any angle we take will always be made into a negative thing.
So we can't win. We 'force' or we 'don't care about them'
And then there's the other issue that makes it just a bit more complicated. We know that the skids need the break from the chaos and the pressure. they catch up on sleep/meals/relaxing etc when they are with us.
You know, we are the adults and we know how important it is to provide then with the break. Throwing the court order out the door equals giving BM all the power to continue alienating FDH and most likely succeeding. We as adults have like a duty to protect them from that, to not give up on them like that. Do you guys know what I mean when i say that? It feels like the wrong thing to do.
Ima, I know that you know what I mean because you've been in a similar situation.
So, we've talked to the counselor about this and she's asked us to sit on it for a bit so she can consult with her clinical supervisor. It's a real dilemma.
We have not decided at this stage, and any input is welcome