What is most difficult is knowing that I am doing what BM should be doing and not getting any respect or appreciation for it. We get no support money, even though she is required to pay. With support money from BM, we would not have to work so much. Meanwhile, she has no job and can enjoy her day doing what she wants because she has no children to take care of. But if I don't care for them the way BM approves of, I never hear the end of it. And neither does my husband, because she will complain to him about me which annoys him. Then, BM will tell SD that I am an a$$hole or a b**ch when they talk on the phone. Then, in turn SD treats me like crap, and dad says nothing because "I am the adult" and should be able to handle it. When I get upset and correct SD for being disrespectful, the child says I'm mean to her. DH says I'm not supposed to let it bother me, which upsets me. It's like one huge, vicious circle.
I expect no more or no less from my SC than I expect from my own child. I think that everyone in the house should help out, but they don't. I end up having to clean up after them and DH constantly. I can't stand a dirty house yet it doesn't seem to matter to them. Should I be the one who has to change here? What happened to the "middle ground"? I don't expect them to change completely, but I don't think I should have to either. I've tried to compromise by letting things go, or buying bins for them to just toss their things into like they are used to doing. Nothing works. In fact, SD will go out of her way to do things she knows will annoy me, as I have heard her state that she does not care what I want. Then when I get frustrated and say something, she again tells DH I am picking on her. If I let him know, he thinks I am being unreasonable. Then DH and I end up fighting. With each passing day, the confrontations get worse and more often. I love my DH, but I'm not sure how much longer I can live like this.
Thanks for the vent!