Drama & Stress with DH & SD

onyx_featherMarch 4, 2009


This is my first post. Here is my situation & I'm upset at the moment so bear with me. I'm 33, my DH is 52 & SD is 17. We have been married for almost 7 years. The first time I met SD, she called be a *****, I over looked it since she was very young & still wanting her parents back together at the time. Over the years, all I have done was be respectful & pretty much expected it back in return. DH has forever had problems with SD; she has been kicked out of every school since elementary, spent 30 days in youth jail for a huge terrorizing incident(he had the charges dropped by saying that she has Aspergers which cause her to act out towards people), dropped out of high school, don't work, doesn't clean up, sleeps all day, snuck into 18+ clubs, being promiscuous with many guys, smoked marijuana, & is 2 months pregnant. Her BM has done nothing but been one of her "friends" & taught her no manners or respect & my DH just ignores it & calls me over-sensitive. Whenever she has been sick & hungry, I've been the one to take care of her. Well tonight, there was a big blow-up & she hurled murder threats & racial slurs(BTW her BM is Black, DH is White & I'm Black) jumped right in my face cursing as he sat their & watched & telling me "well she is in a sensitive state right now". I just walked into the other room & slammed the door. Anyways he got a promotion at work & we have to move out of state in a few weeks. I'm very upset & stressed; I have not worked in a while due to an injury & I have no family to go to.This thing has been going on for so long & I'm feed up. I know... I was stupid to be in this marriage this long. While I love my DH, I'm so stressed, the move is adding to it since SD is coming. I just needed to vent. Sorry for the long post but I have no one else to talk to.

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I'm so sorry that your DH is not supporting you as a SM. Because I believe with out that...well, forget about a peaceful life.
My father would never have tolerated any of us kids being disrespectful of my SM. EVER. And I'm a better person because of that.
I wouldn't tolerate that behavior. And I have no advice since your husband hasn't stepped up to the plate, sounds like it's kinda too late now :(

    Bookmark   March 4, 2009 at 9:49PM
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I have to disagree with you when you say her BM taught her no manners. I think you need to rephrase that to "her BM and DH have not taught her any manners." If my husband sat by and did nothing as his daughter talked to me like that, I would be done. Making excuses for her after the fact would be the nails in the coffin. There is NO excuse to talk to ANYONE, let alone family, like that. You ARE family. You are her father's wife and he should have defended you. If that has gone on for 7 years, it's a tough call on whether that behavior can ever be changed. I don't like to be negative and say it's too late, but you NEED to stand up for yourself if your husband won't stand up for you. I'm 5'2 and I am NOT a fighter but I sure would say "you will NOT talk to me like that!" and if I get my a$$ kicked, so be it but I would not sit there and tolerate someone to talk to me like that without saying something. She will talk to you like that as long as her dad and/or you let her.

She is also in a vulnerable position now that she's pregnant and sometimes having a baby has a way of changing how you look at things. For me, it matured me really fast & I was 17 when I had my son. For others, they keep on keeping on down the same path, kicking their offspring aside if they get in the way. Only time will tell if she will step up to the responsibility. But, that's her problem, not yours. From what I see, your problem is your husband and he is the one that you need to work with to resolve HIS problem of not dealing with his daughter.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2009 at 11:30PM
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Does SD have Asperger's Syndrome?
Not that it excuses her behavior, but it might explain some part of it. But more importantly, it would indicate that it's something she won't just 'grow out of.'

    Bookmark   March 5, 2009 at 2:07PM
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