On being a doormat
I didn't want to hijack Mark66's post, but this doormat thing has been eating at me for a couple of weeks and I need to vent.
My DH has had a habit of "volunteering me" to do favors and letting me know as an afterthought. While we were living together, but before we got married, his EX wanted to borrow my truck to bring home a large purchase, he told her he'd meet her at the store and bring it home for her. I told him never again, but he did it again six months later. I blew my cork. I think he was so used to making all the decisions regarding "his family" and he just assumed I would go along. Last year he his daughter wanted a dog and he said fine. I had no idea that she even wanted one until I came home to find some strange dog barking at me. I drug him into counseling and that type of stuff was my big gripe.
Recently, my MIL (who lives in my house/ we live in hers - medical reason and too long) gave my SD 26 who was moving to a new apt. permission to store her belongings in my garage. I was casually informed almost as an afterthought. It is a problem for me because most of my personal possessions are still at my house because there is no room here. Additionally, I have my mom's stuff stored in there (she died a few months ago) and I need to go through it. Finally, this particular SD vehemently dislikes me and I don't care to do her any favors.
I told my MIL, of course after the fact, that I didn't want it stored there and she said it was only for a couple of weeks. I let it go. The stuff was still there 2 months later and it turns out that SD told her former roommate that it was fine to store her stuff there as well, which makes me personally liable should it become damaged. What nerve on the part of SD!
I told DH that I was getting ready to go through my parents' possessions. DH took it upon himself and called his DD and told her to remove her things from garage (which is how we learned it wasn't all her stuff). I learned from my other SD 22 that her sister 26 (the one who hates me), left her second car parked in front of her BF's mother's house and the neighbors were complaining. I guess I didn't quite hear SD 22 correctly, but her sister planned to park the car in my back yard (I have RV or boat parking). I called my MIL the following morning to tell her that I thought her GD was going to ask to park the car there, but before I finished my sentence...she told me that SD asked to park it there and she said YES! I was beyond furious. I asked my MIL to please call her and tell her it can't go there. MIL told me it was too late because she already parked it there!!!
I told MIL I was sorry but it needed to go. I said I didn't want to hurt her feelings nor those of DH, I said this kid is still extremely rude to me and I do not want to do her any favors. I also told MIL that this SD has such disregard for me that she still hasn't acknowledged that my mom died. MIL refused to tell SD to move the car. I asked her for SD's phone number and said I would be more than happy to make the call. My MIL begged me not to do it. She repeatedly said I had a lot to lose! Sure sounds like a threat to me. I told her that if this is going to create that kind of a loss (divorce), that it was worth it. I said being married wasn't worth another 40 or 50 years of being treated like garbage by this kid. Aside from me not wanting to do favors for this SD, the previous week I'd been speaking with contractors about doing some major work to the yard and the car will be in the way.
I finally told MIL and DH that from now on I am the only one to give permission about that house. I also told MIL that she has put DH in the middle and backed me into a corner. Give and take is one thing and it is fine, but doormat isn't. Thanks for the ear.