Just found out Fiance has a child
I have been dating someone for 1.5 years. We just started talking about long term and maybe getting married. Two weeks later he gets a call out of the blue from someone he had a one night stand with - 2 years ago. Her husband was divorcing her and demanded a paternity test. The kid was not her husbands, so she called my guy and said it might be him and asked him to take a test.
the Child is his. and i'm just trying to figure out how to handle this. he has always wanted kids and i can't have them. it was a concern going forward that i didn't want him to give up something he wanted so badly by marrying me without seriously thinking about it.
now, he has this son he's never met and he is rightfully wanting to be a part of the child's life. He says i shouldn't be upset, because it has nothing to do with me and it isn't going to affect my life. I think he's either in denial or wasn't planning on us having a life together. you can't bring a child into the picture without both people being affected.
i want to set boundaries that are appropriate. if he and i are getting married i think we should make decisions together about the extent he interacts with the child, the kids mom etc.
i want to do the right thing, and support him in meeting his son and having a relationship with his son. he thinks i should just stay out of it, he should be able to call the mom when he wants, visit when he wants and talk to her daily etc.
so what is the right level of support for me to give him and when do i have a right to say i'm not comfortable with the involvment he's suddenly having with this other woman.
she lives a long ways away, so it isn't like he will see her often but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't insecure about him wanting to speak to her daily and "be involved" in his sons life and go to visit them - but that i'm not invited.
my girlfriends say to walk away. i don't know if i should stay or i should go.