Words of encouragement... please!
Well, I opened myself up.. once again.. to put myself in this position so I take my lumps if I must! But, I am absolutely DREADING tomorrow! I am throwing a birthday party for SD & her classmates at a local roller rink.
A couple of months ago, I told SD to check with her mom to see if mom has plans to make SD a birthday party for her classmates. I pretty much knew BM is not going to make her a party, but if I make the party without asking... BM will whine how SHE was going to make the party and I am overstepping and SHE is the mom.. blah blah blah. So, I expected SD to ask her, she would tell SD no & I'd be in the clear to plan a party for her classmates. BM is supposed to have SD on her real birthday, which is during the week. (This year, it happens to fall during Spring break and BM could come take her for the day since SD is out of school ~ but it's our year to have her for Spring break) So, SD calls BM and instead of asking BM if she is making a party, SD asks her "Is it okay for Ima to make me a party?" and then long pause, SD says "well yes, you can come to my party!" and just like that, BM is now an invited guest. (I think she told SD that I wouldn't let her go so SD told her she can... and I wasn't going to say "no she can't" and be the bad guy once again!) So, I went ahead and sent an invitation to BM (inviting older sister & BF's 3 kids) BM has since, sent DH a text telling him that their DD invited her and if that's okay? He responded with the time & place. Then, he went to pick up SD on Sunday and older sister walks SD out to the car and again, DH is asked about the time & place? (I had also sent an actual invitation with all the information on it by mail) Are they THAT dense? I mean REALLY!
So those that don't know we own a small family business, no employees... it's just me & DH. My dad, sister & BIL ran the other half of the business. Well, last week my sister's husband quit suddenly. My sister quit about a month ago. DH still works his day job so it's been me & dad and DH comes in on the weekends (because it is busy on the weekends). DH told me he won't be going to the party since one of us has to work & he can do more than I can. I also think he is not stoked about going to a kids skating party since the kids will be skating & adults will be watching... we decided to take SD out to dinner on her real birthday, with DH's parents & my dad.
When I told SD, she was fine with it. I told her she will be skating with friends anyway, dad doesn't skate... it's like getting two parties since they sing & give cake where we are having dinner on her birthday.
Yesterday, she called BM. Apparently, BM says BF's kids won't be able to go because their mother won't let them, but she will be there... with grandma & older sister.. oh yeah, older sister is bringing a friend. Needless to say, I am less than thrilled that BF's kids aren't going since there is a minimum # of kids and I included them so I am paying for them anyways now... and now BM thinks it's fine to bring older sister's friend without asking or even telling me. SD asked if she wants to talk to me and I guess BM said no... so I haven't even talked to her at all.
Then, this morning BM sends DH a text asking him if he is going to be there. He says no. She tells him how sad that makes SD! REALLY?! SD hasn't said a word to us about dad not going, she was fine when I talked to her... excited even since we are going to her favorite restaurant. She was a bit upset BF's kids won't be there because a couple of kids from school that said they would go have also canceled. It is just irritating that BM is bringing someone we didn't invite... but whatever! I want SD to have a good birthday so I will suffer through being in the room with her and ignore whatever she tries to pull to provoke me into being the bad guy.
She is now trying to make DH the bad guy for not going... or maybe she is trying to justify that if he isn't going, she doesn't need to go either. I know too much energy is being wasted on worrying about this but I AM stressing out on it a little and feeling guilty because I kinda wish she would bow out and make an excuse to not come, but then I know that would crush SD. IF I knew she was going because she wants to be there with her daughter, I think it would not bother me so much... but I feel she said she is going because she wants to stir things up with me or DH.
I kinda think she wants to flaunt it in DH's face that she had another baby with someone else... like it would bother him. Or maybe she thinks the baby is proof her relationship with BF is solid? I don't know. I get the feeling she wants us to react to her having the baby... she walked SD out to the car the week after the baby was born, bringing the baby with her when it was very cold.. then the next weekend said SD could stay with us because her and the baby were sick.