help!!! dh might have a child??
My head is spinning -- not sure where to start. I hope not to ramble...
When DH and I met, he told me he had a long relationship/engagement MANY yrs ago.. At the time 11... Now it's been 15 yrs. Almost 16. She got pregnant, they lived together, engaged, very turbulant relationship.. Lots of fighting and he finally broke it off right when the baby was born. He knew she had cheated twice but didn't care. Went to the hospital and all she wanted was for him to sign the birth certificate. He said he wanted a paternity test just because he wanted to be sure (I actually don't like men doing this but I guess if the woman is unfaithful then they have a right to their test). Anyway, she refused. He refused to sign until she allowed a paternity test. He visited a week later and had all the paperwork and money for the test and she refused saying the baby wasn't his and she knew a test was a waste of money. He told her if she changed her mind, to let him know. DH went on with life never hearing from her again. He lived in the same house for 12 yrs, same phone # until we moved, by the way, the number is the same still.. And he worked at the same job for all of those yrs as well. He said he really did not feel the baby was his but felt a little guilt because he did love her.
Fast forward. This has never come up. Except when we were dating and he told me about it. I even looked up his ex on facebook to see what she looked like and there were no pics of the baby at all. No mention of her either. He thought maybe she gave her up since she was so young. Well last night I guess DH got a wild hair up his behind because he looked up the baby's name and found her on facebook. Only one really blury picture of a bunch of girls so who knows which girl she is. Well I looked up Mom and she has actually in the last week added a bunch of recent pictures of her daughter. Same name that DH says she was given at birth. So I pulled up the pictures and OMG... She is gorgeous. And she looks just like DH. DH has these amazing eyes and dimples and she has the exact same color amazing eyes and these gorgeous dimples...
I showed DH and he said 'WOW.. She is gorgeous she looks just like my mom'. I said I KNOW! And she looks just like our DS.
So I said what are you going to do? He said 'nothing what can I do, she's 15 and very happy and what can I do?' I said I agree. And we also agree that she is close enough to being an adult that one day she may say I need to find my dad and she will come looking for him. So I said 'be prepared it might happen, it might not' he said 'i've always known it could happen'. So I just stare at him thinking... You've always known it could happen... Why didn't you take the first step? Why not force a DNA when she was a baby? Just because mom said NO that doesn't mean you couldn't have fought for one. He says that he was young and didn't know what to do so he did nothing. Just waited for her to call him. He said he was certain she would call for money which he was prepared to pay when that time came but he didn't want to fight.
Why am I conflicted? What should we do? Is it wrong to leave it alone? Is it wrong to interrupt her life at this age? She's happy and very well taken care of according to facebook. She's so gorgeous. Wow. I never thought I would feel this way. Anyway - I am not even old enough to be her mother. DH is 10 yrs older than me... I am 30 so only 15 yrs older than the little girl. Well heck she isn't a little girl but you know what I mean. I can't stop looking at her picture -- she looks just like him it's nuts!