Friends with future SD on Facebook?
Well...I knew this day would come, eventually. My future SD turned 13 several weeks ago and BM finally let her have a Facebook account. FDH wasn't too happy about it, but the ship had sailed by the time he found out. (He talks to his DDs every day, but they live 8 hours away and that's the way it goes sometimes.) FDH and I got friend requests from SD13 the day before yesterday, and I have been feeling really conflicted about it since then.
It isn't that I don't want to be "friends" with SD13. In fact, she IS my friend! She's a great kid. I just think Facebook may not be an appropriate forum for the friendship. First of all, I have five years of stuff on there that I don't want to (and probably couldn't) scour for kid-inappropriateness. Second, I have literally 80+ photo albums of personal photos on there - pictures of my family, ex-boyfriends, world travels, home, cars, etc. all with my personal captions and thoughts. And third, and most importantly, BM has control of SD13's Facebook account and would be looking at my profile.
How do I know this? I'm sure BM has better things to do than monitor my profile, however, as I posted back in 2008, BM and I were Facebook friends for several months or about a year when her inappropriate and libelous postings (and CONSTANT commenting on every damn thing that I or anyone else posted on my wall) pestered the hell out of me and finally led me to delete her as a friend. She noticed within a matter of 2-3 hours, got very emotional, called FDH, threatened to disrupted visitation (apparently me deleting her was evidence of "erratic" behavior that made her feel uncomfortable with the kids in our home!?), and other ridiculousness.
She soon calmed down when I told her I wasn't mad, but just didn't want to be privy to libel about the man I love, and details about her current marriage, and that she was violating my boundaries. She immediately reneged on her threats and apologized, admitting (in writing!) that she shouldn't have posted those things, but had done so out of anger. I'd printed out everything (including all her inappropriate posts) and put them into a folder. She has me blocked, but I know she's still on Facebook.
Now, none of this is SD13's problem, and I don't intend to make it her problem. I guess something to the effect of "My Facebook profile is an adult space, but I'm so glad we're real life friends!" should suffice? She is a VERY sensitive kid who feels things deeply.
A few times I've thought I could just put her on a very limited profile to not rock the boat, but if FDH friends her she'll see a bazillion pictures he's tagged in located in albums of mine that she can't see, and that will be awkward. And at the end of the day, even though BM and I rarely see each other or speak with each other (and get along just swell when we do), I simply do not wish her to have any level of access to information my lifestyle, hobbies, travels, habits, friends' postings, etc. I don't want to think every time I post about something I bought, something that pissed me off, or whatever else that SD and BM are reading it!
Anyone been in this situation?