So my ss hates me now......
Background for those that are new: I have been a custodial stepmom to my 3 skids for years. For the most part we have wonderful relationships. I am "mom" to them, as their bm disappears and is inconsistant in their lives.
So yesterday ss comes home from school saying some girl lied and got him in trouble for swearing at school, but he really didn't do it. I read the form from his principal and it said he admitted to his principal he swore at school. So I asked him if he did it and again he says no. So I ask him why he admitted to it and he says he doesn't know. We have had major issues with ss lying and I could tell he was lying to me. So I told him I felt that he was lying and I wanted the truth. Again he says he did not swear. So I tell him his father will be talking to him about this.
DH gets home and goes to talk to ss about this and ss admits to him that he lied to me and swore at school. DH thanks him for being honest and drops it!!! I am livid because ss continuously lies about EVERYTHING to me. And then dh does nothing about it!!!
So then this morning ss is getting ready for school and spills a waterbottle in the bathroom. I ask him to clean it up. A while later I ask if it is cleaned up and he says yes, he cleaned up the water. So I walk into the bathroom and he never cleaned it up!!! Again he lied to me!! Then I go into his backpack to get his lunchbox and find 6 homework assignments he did not do. I ask him why they are in there (everyday he takes his homework folder out and lunchbox so we never go in his bag). He also gets straight A's so we never saw the reason to not believe he was giving us all his work. So I ask him about the papers and he says "I don't know why they are in there". Another LIE!!! Of course he knows why they are in there!!
The toppers: a note he wrote to my ds that says To:___(ds's name) From: ___(ss's name)
F_ _ k You!
I ask him about this and he stares at me.
I also found another thing he created.
It was a calendar for this month and he wrote "I hate my mom days" at the top. Then he had a key which said that everyday colored in he hated me and it was a bad day. He had one day colored in. His days and dates are all mixed up so I have no clue which day he did this (or what was going on that day). I showed it to him and told him how "sweet" this was and how I could not wait to show it to everyone! His jaw dropped.
Then I told him I am glad to know how he feels and sent him on his way to school.
I know why he "hates" me. Its because DH is so soft on him and lets him get away with everything and I am always the bad guy! He doesn't have to lie to dh because he knows no matter what he does dh will let it go.
So what do I do? Just start letting him do whatever he wants and lie and just let it go to be the good guy??
I asked dh how we should handle it. We agreed that I am going to let ss sweat it for a bit when he gets home from school and just not talk to him. Then tonite I will sit him down with tears in my eyes and tell him how hurt I am that he lies to me all the time and writes such nasty things.
I feel like he should get punished for all the lying this morning and dh thinks we should let it go. I am just at my witts end with this lying stuff. We have tried it all. Talking calmly to him about lying, yelling at him, grounding him, etc. Nothing seems to make a lasting difference. Any ideas???