Bio Mom is pissed at us

doodlebooMarch 24, 2009

Remember when I said we had to ifnally tell the girls mom's boyfriend is a not so nice man? He was kissing their butts, buying them toys and candy trying to get on their good sides and their mother was forcing him down their throats like a piece of chocalate cake so they thought, based on the one time they met him, that he's this great guy.

They were telling us things like "Stop being mean to C______, he's not a stranger" or "We like C______, he's gave us candy" and our favorite "You need to let us go with C____, he's nice to our mama."

We listened to it all we could and finally we had to tell them that C_____ is a bully and he's mean to their mom and that's why daddy won't let you go around him.

Do you all remmeber that post???

Well she called again for the first time in three weeks yesterday and the girls staretd in on her immediatly. You need to leave C_____. He is mean to you. We don't like him hurting you mama. He's a stranger. He needs to STOP giving us candy."

Well, she got on the phone with J and wanted to know why they were sayinghese things. He has already told her once the last time she called that he had told them the truth because we are sick of being the bad guys. He told her again and guess who snatched the phone? The jerk boyfriend who apparently listens in to all of her calls. He told J "Man, that's F###ed up!" J simply replied, "No, what's F***ed up is that you two put us in a position that we had to tell them to start with." Then J hung up.

So basically, the reason why mom isn't visiting is because we are now in a power struggle with the boyfriend. He is an abusive controlling eco maniac who won't let her go any where with out him and J won't allow him to be around the girls. Mom is too ignorant and selfish to tell him to shove it and come see her kids so here we are. I guess we won't see her till he beats the crap out of her again.

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It may help to try to keep it in perspective:
*nobody* deserves to be conned, to betreated badly, to be controlled, to be hit.

she can't protect the girls because she can't even protect herself;
she likely doesn't realize that she's in danger, that she's latched on to an abuser.

She's a victim just as surely as the girls would be if this creep wedged his way into their emotions.

Hang in there & accept your position on her $hit list with Zen calm & maybe a serene smile.

Given the circumstances, it isn't a bad list to be on.

    Bookmark   March 24, 2009 at 3:59PM
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forgot to say...

When you live with someone who's always looking for an excuse to explode, someone who feeds off his own rage, the safest thing to do is to deflect that rage onto someone else.

like you.

Accept your position on the list, but be very careful.

    Bookmark   March 24, 2009 at 4:03PM
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It's an all around sad situation. Of course it's all OUR fault she can't see the girls. She fails to see how DANGEROUS this man is and how STUPID it would be for her to have the girls around him.

She believes everything he says but we with since know if a man does it once....he'll do it again. He has done at least three times that we know about. That's just the time we know about. I'm sure it has happened more. He said he's gonna change though and she is actually dumb enough to believe it.

If a man told me I couldn't see my child I would be gone so fast he's eye brows would synge off. I just can't understand her. Why choose a man who hurts you over your children? I can't even begin to relate.

    Bookmark   March 24, 2009 at 4:07PM
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If I had "sense" I would have spelled it correctly:)

    Bookmark   March 24, 2009 at 4:08PM
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"He said he's gonna change"
Can you get her to put that in writing???

If a mother *knows* that her boyfriend/significant other is violent & she still exposes her children to that risk...

I've said this over & over, but it bears repeating:

Men are drugs.

Women get addicted.

A woman whose first encounter with a man reveals that he's a creep/doper/sex offender/loser/violent person/abuser will cut him off & walk away.

but if he conceals the truth long enough for her to become attached (hooked), she'll believe the unbelievable & accept the unacceptable from him.

Every one of us lives in a dangerous world because we are vulnerable in this way;
this is how pedophiles & pimps become successful.

Be careful, & keep on arming those girls.

He's grooming them to become his sexual victims.

    Bookmark   March 25, 2009 at 12:24PM
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Sylvia you just turned my stomach.

Doodle, be very very careful.

    Bookmark   March 25, 2009 at 1:22PM
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Sylvia and SIlver-

It may be wrong to accuse someone of being a child predator without knowing for sure but I would be a liar if I said that very thing hadn't crossed our minds. You just can't be too careful where kids are concerned.

If a man like this gets the mom where he wants her he can do what he wants to the kids. That goes for physical and sexual abuse. Have you ever read the book Ursula Sunshine? It is a true story and it is beyond DISGUSTING. The mother allows her boyfriend to put her child through hell.

We arn't willing to risk any part of that happening to the girls. Moms just gonna have to make a decision. She is already questionable by herself...throw a nut job man in the mix and all bets are off!!!!!

    Bookmark   March 25, 2009 at 2:30PM
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No, Doodle you are right. A lot of men go after women in order to prey on her children. I just didn't even think of that until Sylvia said it. And any man who will hit a woman will do that and worse to a child or an animal, IMO.

I'm so glad your girls have you being so "uptight" about this. In some circumstances there is no such thing as overprotective.

    Bookmark   March 25, 2009 at 3:17PM
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Doodle, this is a sh177y situation. And I agree with Sylvia to keep arming the girls with information, self-esteem and a good strong family support system. Good for you to watch out for those little girls.

And not to make light of it all, but your "eco maniac" typo cracked me up! I pictured this icky skeezy man with a pervy mustache and some prison-tats, surrounded by recycling bins, frantically sorting cans and bottles, while peeking in the neighbour's windows. For some reason there's also a tandem bike in the background of my mental image, and my image of the girls' mom is waiting on it.
Terrible situation, but a funny mental picture popped up from your typo.

    Bookmark   March 26, 2009 at 12:17PM
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get full custody. document everything. collect what you can, proof that mom cannot be wiht kids wihtiout supervision and possibly move with kids far away. this is pretty scary. next time he barges in wiht thertas call the police. document everything.

    Bookmark   March 26, 2009 at 1:03PM
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That's a funny if not a little strange thing to pop up in your head. If she ever mention to me they ride a tandom bike I'll let you know. The skeezy man with a pervy-mustache and prison tats is right on.

Hahahaha. It isn't funny but what you said deffinatly is:)

    Bookmark   March 26, 2009 at 1:03PM
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We wanted to go to court with our income tax money but now over halfis gone to moving costs:( We don't know what we are going to do. Legal aid is no help unless there has been abuse in the past 6 months.

    Bookmark   March 26, 2009 at 1:12PM
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Ceph, that is so funny because I was thinking the same thing...

"eco-maniac" *giggle giggle*

    Bookmark   March 26, 2009 at 1:56PM
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