Has anyone here, ever gotten this line????

organic_mariaMarch 31, 2009

Bm in my case last year told sd she will have to live with her until 18 years of age and then after she can go live with her dad?

I dont know about you but i clearly told my hubby that i know he loves his daughter but i will not have her moving in with us at the age of 18.

why? because i would feel used why?

1. Bm tells her ot go because gov checks stop at 18.

2. she's an adult so instead of dealing with her she'll shlep her off to us???

i know you can still claim someone as dependant while they aer in school but why the heck would you tell your own daughter this? only after 18???

I dont want her at 18. If she didn't want to live with her dad at an earlier age i see no reason at this young adult age she should make herself at home while these years she doens't concider us as family. ANd i have accepted that i am not family to her.

We are both ok with one another. But i know living with her would be difficult because she would fight with her father. Like a cat and dog! ANd i like a peaceful house so i have already spoken with hubby about it.

He thinks it wont happen but what if it does? I know as afather i would not want to turn out my own daughter but they fight when she stays longer weekends and i see it.

We've spoken several times and i've said no. He can help her with an apartment but she will not live with us. She hasn't been raised with our values. She's been raised with her mother values...and it shows.

ANy thoughts?

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ashley1979

Isn't it nice when BM makes a decision for YOUR home??? Love it! I honestly don't blame you for mot wanting to reap the consequences of BM's parenting. Maybe SD should stay with mom until she's ready to be on her own........

The closest I have is my X telling my DS that he will come live with him when he turns 12. Well I've got news for him.....a judge must decide that and my home is WAY more stable than his.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2009 at 4:05PM
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lovehadley

LOL, we have not had that particular issue. We tend to have the other way around--when BM is angry with us, she has been known to tell SS that when he gets older, he can choose for himself where he wants to live. Sigh.

What exactly is your DH saying about this? I definitely think you and DH need to iron everything out BEFORE his daughter shows up at your door, suitcases and boxes in tow.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2009 at 4:15PM
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finedreams

where does SD want to live at 18? Is she planning for college?

    Bookmark   March 31, 2009 at 4:18PM
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imamommy

Sounds like her mom's use of her is done when she turns 18 and if she gets gov. money, it will be done.... no need for kid anymore.

No, dad might help pay for apartment but if he takes her in, he will not be able to 'change' her into the kind of kid he wants because she has been raised with different values and the only way she will change is if she wants to change and that's better done on her own, not disrupting your life and marriage. If she wanted to live with him before she turns 18, she would but she chooses to live with mom and mom's values.

I have teenage/young adult kids that live with me. I told my son to go live with his dad if he doesn't want to live with my rules. That is what I told him and he never knew his dad until he was 18. Of course he isn't going to go live with him because his dad would not want him to come there BECAUSE he can't get along at my house and follow my rules... regardless of whether he raised him or not. Who wants a grown kid to move in because they can't get along with the other parent?

I would not subject my husband for any length of time to be around a disrespectful or disobedient grown kid. My adult son moved in for three weeks, he left last week and it was tough on DH. My son is not disrespectful at all but he is a slob and it was annoying to have to remind him to pick up after himself, etc. He put up with it because it was temporary but when there is no light at the end of the tunnel, I would probably say no.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2009 at 4:42PM
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sweeby

"The closest I have is my X telling my DS that he will come live with him when he turns 12. Well I've got news for him.....a judge must decide that and my home is WAY more stable than his."

Don't be too sure about that... In my state, the kid gets to choose as soon as he's 12.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2009 at 5:04PM
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finedreams

which son is it? one lived with you going to college locally, the other is married, in the army and has a child (or expecting). which son moved in for three weeks and moved out now?

    Bookmark   April 1, 2009 at 11:39AM
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organic_maria

The child can choose at 12 but you cannot force the parent to take him in. This happened to an adult friend of mine. Her parents split and when she turned 12 she wanted to live with her dad. THey had to go to court because it needs to be legalized. Well dad said no to the judge that he has no interest in his daughter living with him. So of course she was devastated.
So sweeby, the child can choose but so can the parent.

As for my sd , yes she wants to go to college, university.

My husband believes that with all the poisoning BM has done saying where we live is dangerous and evil that she will still with mom for sure till18 and mostly likely wont move in after that. So he is in denial from my perspective.
My SM said that most likely she will find a boyfriend and live with him.
And with the value that bm has taught her....that sounds like more plausible outcome.
And the home i will purchase will be outside of the city...so...will have to go to live with roommates or dormatory for university. That is anotehr option.
There is nothing i can do until the moment comes except make it clear and remind my dh from time to time.
I've also stated to him that when they come for an extented period of time, he loses his patience and the visit a few months ago ended badly with her and him fighting.
Its not me who wotn get along with her...its my dh and i dont want to be stress because he is stressed.
LH - you can't really iron it out. Because nothing has happened yet but the line was thrown from bm.
I remember my Sd telling me it...and i said...what if you want to stay until you are ready to leave from moms? and i also told her that by the time i was 15 i had a fulltime job and a place of my own.
The thing that disgusts me, is that this line just proves that all she wants is money....all that counts is money. Not her childs emotions, education , well being....all about the money and how much she can gouge out of my Dh.
I'm just so disgusted with her and im happy i never deal with her. No communication what so ever hallaluya!
Have i told you BM is a substance abuser? and has no job now? the substance she hides very well and so far the only thing we see and hear is she has mood swings...but apart from that, kids are fine. But they really do not say much about their household. Ours is very stable and its day and night between the two homes.
Her new husband swears at the kids from time to time..yah we all lose our temper but even my sd friends do not like this guy. And if my husband ever told me to F off...oh nelly! Where is the shovel!?

    Bookmark   April 1, 2009 at 12:51PM
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