Two Months

mom2emallMarch 26, 2009

So today I was looking at our calendar and noticed it has been 2 months since bm has seen the kids! During that time she talked to them once (over a month ago) when they called her about something!

Can you tell me what the heck was the point of her moving near us??

I am not complaining about her absence...it is peaceful and the kids do better than when she is in and out constantly.

But geez...guess she won't be getting the mom of the year award this year!

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finedreams

I am speachless. Two months???!!!!!! No comments here. Called once???/!!!

    Bookmark   March 26, 2009 at 4:21PM
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mom2emall

Well last year she went on a stretch that was 4 months with no call! She finally called when my sd complained to her grandparents and sent her bm a nasty e-mail!

    Bookmark   March 26, 2009 at 4:25PM
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bucyn

My stepkids' BM has disappeared up to 10 months at a time. Generally they only see her once a year for an hour or two and get maybe 4 calls a year. She saw them a week after Easter 2008, and a day or two after Valentine's 2009. She has NEVER been there for any of my StepD's 8 birthdays, or ever given her a gift. She sometimes talks to StepS about his bday, once planned an elaborate party, but has only spent maybe 4 of 12 bdays with him. She appeared last Dec 30th, but didn't have an Xmas present for either of them. She lives within 10 miles of us--usually (she is mentally ill and has lots of homeless periods).

It bothers stepS, but StepD doesn't care a bit.

I know what you mean about it being peaceful. No demands for visits, no accusations of not parenting right (do you get those?), no self-righteous assertions, "I'm the mother", no sob stories about how lonely she is and how she has nothing and everyone is mean to her, no requests for assistance or to 'give her just one break'. Very peaceful.

How do the kids take her absence?

    Bookmark   March 26, 2009 at 4:38PM
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imamommy

My exBF's first wife went 4-5 months at a time with no call or visit, sometimes longer. I actually think it was better than these mothers that make the 'obligatory' call... getting the kids' hopes up, or the 'territorial' call to remind everyone THEY are the mother! Kids don't need that turmoil in their lives and yeah, it's more stable for the lousy parent to go away... bye bye. you don't wanna be a parent?... see ya!

It's sad for the kids and the other school of thought that the parent should have, at least, some contact with the kids is better than none... I disagree. Parent or don't! You can't be just a little pregnant... you are or you aren't. Anything else is totally unfair to the kids!

    Bookmark   March 26, 2009 at 4:39PM
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nutbunch

When the kids were 5 & 8, the BM dissapeared for months at a time, no calls. Yeah Mother of the Year award not coming.

I seriously think she'd do it again, well she doesn't come by and see them for a month or two, but my SD has her cell phone number and calls her, if she doesn't call at least 2 times a week. MY SS is older now at 14 and doesn't seem to care if she calls or not, although he will talk nice when on the phone.

Last time she was here to pick up the kids, only DD went, DS preferred to go shopping with us, instead of BM.

It actually works out well for us. The kids are with the stable parent, they have to fullfill our expectation of good grades and responsibilty. We have no one undermining that. So I think they'll end up okay.

    Bookmark   March 26, 2009 at 5:48PM
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mom2emall

The kids take her prolonged absenses quite well. I think things are harder on them when she does her calls and plans and then does not follow through. Then they are stuck making excuses for her or being mad at her.

If she just does not call then they don't talk about her and I think they are almost relieved. When she does call and try to see them she expects them to drop everything for her (activities, plans, etc.). She will not take on the responsibility of getting them to activities or sports or friends. She wants to bring them to her home and have them in front of the tv or watching her little kids while she does things around the house. They are actually bored there because there is little interaction from her and they do not have their things or friends or even a bed to sleep on or a room to retreat to. They are all stuck in the familyroom all weekend! They sleep on couches or the floor.

    Bookmark   March 26, 2009 at 8:23PM
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doodleboo

"I am speachless. Two months???!!!!!! No comments here. Called once???"

Disgusting isn't it? Mom2 and I have decided our husbands were married to the same woman. The girls mom is the exact same way. She'll go months with no physical contact and only calling once or twice. She went without calling at all for about three months once.

    Bookmark   March 27, 2009 at 8:42AM
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doodleboo

"Parent or don't! You can't be just a little pregnant... you are or you aren't. Anything else is totally unfair to the kids!"

Thank you very much. "Either get involved or get hit by a train." is how Jonathan so kindly put it to the girls mom one time.

The calls are just enough to keep them hopeful and missing her. When she doesn't call for a long time they do OK but as soon as she calls it's back to the drawing board. They start asking questions and saying they miss her all over again. It sucks.

    Bookmark   March 27, 2009 at 8:46AM
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mom2emall

Still no call! Bet she will call on Easter after the kids talk to their grandparents.

Makes me sick that this useless woman can't even call her kids unless her parents tell her to.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2009 at 9:08PM
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imamommy

At least her parents sound sane~ I'll trade you!

    Bookmark   April 5, 2009 at 1:41AM
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finedreams

"At least her parents sound sane~ I'll trade you!"

did you finally give poor grandma back her pants? hahaha

    Bookmark   April 5, 2009 at 9:18AM
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organic_maria

There are just some people who are really not meant to be parents in any way shape or form. I'm not surprised to hear this. My own best friend is a careless mother. 3 sons, 2 diff marriages...now divorced and her mother still gets her kids while she works 2 jobs and spends very little time with them. She spends more time in the last 2 years because we've all screamed at her.
But yes, its is horrible when a mother doesn't contact her own kids...and i have ot say...its not natural. A mother does carry them for 9 months..you think there would be this connection.....

    Bookmark   April 5, 2009 at 3:23PM
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mom2emall

Just wanted to share that BM still has not even tried to call her kids!!

The grandparents just changed their summer plans to see the kids...now they are seeing them at the end of July for a few days. They coordinated it all with me and dh. I am thinking if bm finds out she will suddenly play mommy starting in July??

    Bookmark   May 12, 2009 at 9:14AM
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imamommy

wow~ figured she'd show up for Mother's Day... after all, she should get all the credit since she did birth the children. ~sarcasm intended~

as frustrating as it may be for you that she stays away (and as sad as it is for her kids!), I'm sure their lives are more stable because of it... they don't have to be on that emotional roller coaster. But, it's heartbreaking too!

Hope you had a good Mother's Day with them!

    Bookmark   May 12, 2009 at 9:42AM
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wild_thing

It doesn't surprise me that there are other mother's out there that are so similar. Selfish.
My sd's mom hasn't talked to her since her birthday in march. 2 months also. (before her birthday, it would have been an entire year since she had seen her, with just a handful of phone calls).
But now she thinks she is punishing her for writing her letter to her mom. But I don't expect that relationship is going anywhere. SD won't even answer the phone if her mom calls anyway. She finally sees her for who she is now.
Now she has to work on the relationships she has almost destroyed here at home.

    Bookmark   May 12, 2009 at 3:54PM
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doodleboo

Well at least she wasn't in jail Mom2 :)

    Bookmark   May 13, 2009 at 9:12AM
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