Jealousy

silverswordMarch 9, 2010

I was touched by something in LAMom's post about jealousy. My SM just came for a visit. She brought me a box of candies that she then insisted that I open and eat. And she wanted to eat them with me. RUDE. But whatever. I shared.

Then she comes into the bathroom as I'm cleaning like mad to get my house ready for a family event that was happening in order to cater to her schedule/needs (she's just trashed the bathroom after I straightened it the first time, and taken her sweet time getting ready, never offering to help out so I can do more than run a brush through my hair). She takes out a BEAUTIFUL dress. Absolutely stunning. I thought it was for me at first. It's pretty small, and it's in my colors. (she's pretty large and dark haired, I'm small and light haired) She's standing in the doorway of the bathroom (standard size bathroom... ie tiny) thrusting this beautiful dress at me (taking up half the space) and I'm trying to say how great it is... realizing, because I've known her a long time, that the dress may not be for me so not to get too excited, and after five minutes of showing me how well made it is and how great the colors are... she tells me, she checked and they have it in a size small at this really great boutique in my town, in case I want to get one for myself.

ROTFLMAOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really? They have one in my size? And I can go buy one? To match you?

Geeeeeeee.... thanks!!!

Jealous? Yeah! She bought a GORGEOUS dress for probably a fortune. My birthday just passed. I got a card from her.

But not really jealous. I wouldn't have bought the dress even if she hadn't bought it first making us look like twins! Too much money, would have to be dry-cleaned, already have enough fancy dresses...etc... BUT, it was the in-my-face flaunting of her acquisition. While I'm doing the grunt work.

Honestly, I wanted to flush her face in the toilet. But I was nice. I put all my stress right in my lower back and smiled at her instead. And she is oblivious. She thought she was doing me a favor telling me where I could go buy the dress!

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catlettuce

Wow, that whole scenario just sounds a little bizarro to me..Is she a little off?

Yea, no matter how lovely the dress, most women don't want to look like the bopsy twins. Strange. Good for you for keeping a cool head and even though you thought it not actually sticking her face in the toilet, lmao!

~Cat

    Bookmark   March 9, 2010 at 4:09PM
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imamommy

lol, that made me think of the day my then, future mother in law, told me she bought her dress for my wedding. She was going on and on about how expensive it was and tailored for her. I said, "oh, what does it look like?" and she told me that I couldn't see it until the wedding... she sounded like a bride that couldn't let anyone see her dress until "the moment" so she can make an entrance. Funny, at the wedding she had the photographer stay to take pictures of her and my father in law and family pictures of her other son's family. Just strange behavior... makes you wonder what they are thinking!

    Bookmark   March 9, 2010 at 4:29PM
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silversword

Ima, that is too funny! (JMO, but shouldn't the MIL and MOTB clear their dress selections with the bride??)

Just the approach was weird. Had she just said, "I bought myself the prettiest dress, do you want to see it?" I would have made the appropriate noises. But I felt really weird, like envy/jealousy over her gorgeous dress and anger/disgust that she was showing it to me while I'm cleaning her nasty bathroom mess.

It's emotional confusion like this that make me empathize with LAMom. I don't think it's jealousy exactly but can't quite put my finger on the emotion.

    Bookmark   March 9, 2010 at 4:49PM
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sylviatexas1

Google narcissistic personality disorder.

My mother wore a white evening gown to her sister's wedding.

    Bookmark   March 9, 2010 at 4:53PM
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nivea

SS, now that is just funny. Did you ever see her in the dress? Since you said it was small and she is large, I wonder if it even fit.

Ima, wooooowie. Was her dress white? I had a friend who's MIL did the exact same thing and friend just brushed her off. MIL showed up in a WHITE ball gown. No joke.

Before the wedding she asked Bride if the photographer could take some family pix of her family since they'd be all dressed up and all together. Bride agreed (this was weeks before the wedding and she didn't know about the white ball gown lol.) After the wedding and when they were taking the pictures, MIL went up in the middle of the Bride/Groom pix and pulled the photographer aside to take pictures with just "her" family and the groom. She specifically told my friend the BRIDE to get out of the picture and then positioned herself in the middle of all of her family and had her son the Groom link arms with her. Like they were the bride and groom. It was the most awkward wedding I've ever been to.

    Bookmark   March 9, 2010 at 4:56PM
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imamommy

silver,

I think it's insecurity more than jealousy. After all the hoopla over her dress, MIL's dress didn't look like anything spectacular... and no, it wasn't white. I only asked what it looked like because I hoped to have both mothers wear similar styles.. instead of one short & causal and the other long & formal... kinda keep them from sticking out like a sore thumb. LMAO nivea. White ballgown??? OMG. That's too funny!!!

    Bookmark   March 9, 2010 at 5:15PM
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lovehadley

"My mother wore a white evening gown to her sister's wedding."

ROFLMAO! That is so awful it's funny! Who would do such a thing?!

Silver, your SM sounds like a bi-atch. And ditto Sylvia about the narcissistic personality disorder.

    Bookmark   March 9, 2010 at 5:16PM
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finedreams

crazy woman, can't even figure out her agenda. too crazy

    Bookmark   March 9, 2010 at 7:16PM
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silversword

Ima, I was maid of honor in a wedding where the MOTG showed up in a white gown. Not just any white gown. HER WEDDING GOWN. Horror of horrors.

I totally understand about matching. I told my SM and M the colors/style so they would match, and they did, within reason for my first wedding. In my second wedding my SM managed to stick out like a sore thumb, even with color/style direction. Who wears a thigh-high dress in the winter to a wedding? (esp. someone over 50, no offense)

Nivea, I didn't see her in the dress. It very well could have "fit" but I can't tell you a spaghetti/tank strap thigh-high dress would look good on anyone pushing 60. I looked at the lack of sleeves and thought twice myself (when I thought it might be gracing my closet, lol).

Weddings are so weird anyway. Talk about undercurrent emotions coming out of the closet!

    Bookmark   March 9, 2010 at 8:38PM
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mom2emall

IMA your wedding story reminded me of a funny story. Since I was in high school I have been friends with this girl. In high school none of my friends liked her because they said she was full of herself, but she was always nice to me. So my friends put up with her because I liked her. Anyways as we went into adulthood we stayed friends. Had kids at the same time and even worked at the same place after I graduated college. Always the same thing, my new friends and work friends all disliked her. As we have gotton older she almost makes things a competition, always telling me how GREAT this or that is and how her kids are straight A students, bla bla bla. And I notice that it it always when I have a problem she throws in my face how she does not have that problem. For instance I was breaking up with a boyfriend before meeting my ex and she told me that she felt like my boyfriend always had the hots for her!!! And when I lost a bunch of weight she bragged that she was down to a size 2 (knowing darn well I am bigger than that).

Fastforward to my wedding day. Her and her husband stood up in my wedding. The place we had our reception had a beautiful outdoor area for nature pictures. We took many different poses as my bridal party watched. When I got my wedding proofs back I noticed that she had the photographer take all the same poses with her and her husband!!! IT was sooo wierd. And I did not say anything, but everyone else looking through my proofs commented on it.

    Bookmark   March 10, 2010 at 9:42AM
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imamommy

mom2emall~ funny that you mention the weight thing... my MIL is about 90lbs. She's tiny. She's made comparisons of our weight... they are very competitive people. We buy a car, they trade theirs in for a nicer one. They even sold their house and had a new one built so they can park their RV there because we live on a property where DH can park his RV. We don't play the game, but they bend over backwards to compete & it's all about how they feel about THEIR life. I can be happy with my life at 110lbs (I will never be 90lbs) or 310lbs. I can be happy in a shack or a mansion... those things have nothing to do with happiness. Some people are unhappy with their life, so they think if they can convince people that they or their life is better... then they might feel better about their own life.

    Bookmark   March 10, 2010 at 11:00AM
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silversword

"Some people are unhappy with their life, so they think if they can convince people that they or their life is better... then they might feel better about their own life."

Ding! Ding! Ding!

We have a winner :) You got it exactly. She'll never be happy and the dress incident will recur to infinity and beyond. It helps to laugh about it, doesn't it?

    Bookmark   March 10, 2010 at 11:06AM
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colleenoz

My MIL behaved impeccably at our wedding (and has been fabulous ever since). My mother, however... turned up in a full length white embroidered dress for a day wedding. Years later when she died and I was looking for an appropriate outfit to take to the funeral home for her cremation, my stepfather commented, "She always liked that dress she wore to your wedding." Worked for me ;-)

    Bookmark   March 11, 2010 at 1:23AM
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silversword

Do you think she did it to upstage you? Or simply because she liked the dress and didn't know/consider that it's in poor form to wear red/white/black to a wedding? (I know, some weddings it's fine to wear those colors, but a general rule of thumb is to avoid them)

    Bookmark   March 11, 2010 at 9:45AM
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finedreams

Well last summer ordeal people might remember.

SO's DD's mother showed up in a cotton swimsuit coverup at DD's wedding where everyone else was in fancy dresses, it looks awful on the pictures (bra or swimsuit is showing), she was also drunk at a ceremony and passed out during reception while her drunk BF fell on the floor during dancing. Guests thought that either I or SO's cousin (who looks like she could be bride's mom) are bride's mothers. Well, we were dressed up and sober.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2010 at 11:04AM
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silversword

I remember that. How humiliating for the bride (and the guests!).

Dressed up and sober. Who would have thought those were the qualifications?! LOL.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2010 at 12:03PM
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finedreams

yeap, dressed up and sober must be the mother hahahaha, that's too funny

    Bookmark   March 11, 2010 at 4:56PM
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sylviatexas1

fd, it sounds like the mother of the bride was an alcoholic, & alcoholism trumps *everything* else.

Nothing, not upbringing, not money, not shame, not family, not work, nothing matters except alcohol.
..........................................
Narcissists "know better" but they don't care;
the rules are for other people.

The only thing that matters to them is being the big splash, having the spotlight on them, being the center of attention & the star of everybody's show.
................................................
"when she died and I was looking for an appropriate outfit to take to the funeral home for her cremation, my stepfather commented, "She always liked that dress she wore to your wedding." Worked for me ;-)"

wisht I'd thought of that when my mother died;
I bet she still had, if not the white evening gown, at least the formal white crepe evening pajamas that she wore, with an orchid corsage, to my wedding shower & that she had planned to wear to my wedding until my aunts, when I *begged* them, intervened.

Thank goodness for aunts.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2010 at 5:08PM
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