His children

KBecddMarch 25, 2013

I need advice and this seems to be the only intelligent forum I have stumbled upon.

I am not a step parent nor do I have any of my own but my boyfriend does have children.

To his older daughter, he is a wonderful father. He has her every weekend and cherishes the time he spends with her. He had to go through a lot to get the limited amount of custody he has and would love to be able to have more time with her but it probably won't happen. I think shes pretty cool too and his loving relationship with her was one of the first things I found attractive in him.

He hasn't seen his younger daughter in over a year. He hasn't made any effort to see or support her that I have ever seen. He says its because this child's mother makes it impossible for him; i.e. will only allow sporadic supervised visits at that, won't let him take her even when he was more involved, everything has to be on her terms.

We are starting to get serious but everytime we start talking about the future of our relationship, I think about his younger daughter.

Is it unreasonable that I can't imagine being in a long term commited relationship with a man that doesn't take care of his child?
Are his reasons for not being involved valid considering he just recently went through an expensive and exhausting custody battle for his older daughter?
Is he really doing whats best for this little girl?
Am I defined by his parenting decisions?

We have absolutely zero other issues in our relationship. He is so sweet, funny, caring and supportive to me in every way. I just don't know what to do. I don't plan on having any children so that is not part of the equation. Should I walk away from a real catch? Should I "force" him to form a relationship with his youngest daughter? Should I let it go and support him however he decides to handle the situation?

Thank you for any advice you can offer me.

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I think you need to find out the other side of the story.

or the other side of both stories.

Something doesn't add up.

I'd take at least one step back until I found out some plain old facts, not just what one person says.

I wish you the best.

    Bookmark   March 25, 2013 at 2:06PM
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I wonder about those "supervised" visits, why? They usually do that if they can't trust the parent to be alone with the child. I agree there is more to this.

    Bookmark   March 25, 2013 at 8:39PM
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Family law tends to side with us Mom's....I have seen cases in my line of work where the mom's limit the father's access and get away with it. Often it is justified, just as often not.

Is the ex a controlling personality? Have you seen cause for concern? You can't force him to have a relationship with his daughter, but it is alarming.

    Bookmark   March 26, 2013 at 12:56AM
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I ended up taking charge of the situation and reaching out to his youngests mother. Her concerns were reasonable and valid and she is nothing like he made her out to be. He now has a loving relationship with both of his daughters.

1 Like    Bookmark   December 21, 2014 at 1:33PM
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