Emergancy Contact at Dr's Offices

mom2_1sm2_1March 11, 2009

OK, so I know some may not agree with this, but please hear me out...

My son has multiple disibilities and his dad is not willing to help me out when it comes to treating them. He wouldn't take son to a couple of appoinments when I was sick (because it is not his "parenting time",)and he thinks that the feeding therapy is a waste of time, but he is two and still is unable to eat anything other than a puree.

I am not too confindent that if it came to a point where I could not make the medical decisions for my son and his dad was left to that he would make the right decision. He does not know much about his conditions because he thinks that I am over reacting and every thing is ok. I tried to explain things to him on how to maintain his weight (he has Failure to Thrive and in the 3rd% on the preemie growth chart)but it goes in one ear and out the other.

I was suggested by my lawyer and by some of you to not let him go to his dad's if he can't abide. But I still am up int the air on that one - not quite sure what to do at this point. I need a beak from taking care of him, it is a lot of work but then again he is not cared for correctly at his dad's.... I keep going back and forth because son also needs to know his dad.

So anyway, I would like to take his dad off of his files at the doctors offices. At least make it so he is not an emargancy contact. I am not doing this in any means to get back at him, but because I don't trust his judgment. Is this legal, is it somehting that can be done? I would trust my mother with my son more than the the boy's dad.

What do you think?

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I would check with a lawyer and doctor on this one. That's a tough situation to be in.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2009 at 1:08PM
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I think it's legal--although he could probably add himself right back on.

My question is, though, does it really matter? Would there ever be a time where your son would be at the doctor's office without you? I just can't really think of a circumstance where your son would be at the doctor, something would happen and they would call his father? If any emergency ever did occur, isn't is reasonable to assume that YOU would be at the dr with your son?

    Bookmark   March 11, 2009 at 1:42PM
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In an emergency situation like an accident or illness with a sitter or day care, and the mother could not be reached. Or if both were in an accident and the mother was incapacitated.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2009 at 4:53PM
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If I were you, I would seek sole legal custody and remove his name from 'emergency contact' lists at doctor and school.

Also, ask your attorney about appointing a guardian/conservator in the case that you are unable to make decisions (if you are ever incapacitated and unable to make decisions)

    Bookmark   March 11, 2009 at 5:25PM
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When I had my grand children stay a month with me I requested that the other grandmother send me a letter giving me the authority to make medical decisions for them. They sent one of my grand daughters to me with a broken arm and my doctor sure was glad to see I had that paper.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2009 at 11:14PM
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ditto stargazer and ima. I think what you want to accomplish (him not making medical decisions) is going to require something more official than a name or lack thereof on an emergency contact list.

I know this is different, me being an adult, but because my family (legal next of kin and people I'd want making medical decisions for me) live halfway across the country, when I'm asked to list an emergency contact, I will ask "do you want someone who can make medical decisions for me, or do you want someone who can physically come get me or meet me at the ER". Well, I should say I *used to* ask... I stopped because I generally got a blank stare as a response... or a generic "just whoever you would want us to call in an emergency" (well, that depends on what you want them to do, that's why i asked). But my point is, the people who ask for that information often don't even know the purpose for asking. I doubt, even at a doctor's office, that anything it says can supercede whoever would normally be considered legal next of kin and legally able to make medical decisions.

    Bookmark   March 12, 2009 at 9:17AM
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get full custody. he can still see his kid but won't be able to make major decisions.

    Bookmark   March 12, 2009 at 5:46PM
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Thanks ladies, I will call my lawyer tomorrow to see about full custody, I like that idea. Kind of like an "ah-ha" moment; why didn't I think of that? That is why this site is so awesome, we can all help each other out!!!!

    Bookmark   March 12, 2009 at 9:17PM
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