Potty Vent!!!!!!!

silverswordMarch 3, 2011

DD(8) told me the other day: "Mom, you know those pads you use when you get your period? I had some of those when I was with Dad."

Me: (wth?) "what do you mean?"

DD: "I put them in my panties in case I had an accident"

Me: "Were they like mommy's? Where did you get them?"

DD: "No, they were for kids! They came in bright packages and WBSM bought them for me. Or maybe it was dad".

Ok... I let it go because I had NO IDEA what to say to her at the moment. But after a day or so I realized...


Wait, here's a little backstory. DD has NEVER wet the bed. Not once. She does have issues 'remembering' to go pee. In other words, she doesn't want to take a break to go, and had about two years of 'dribbling' in her panties because she waited too long. She will literally be doing the potty dance and say no, she doesn't have to go. And of course, wet panties = rash = itching = discomfort = smell = humiliation = (mom getting really frustrated because for goodness sakes! and mom gets to be potty police)

I nipped that in the bud when I told her "you pee in your pants, you don't play". In other words, if you can't take a break from your fun activity to use the bathroom, you can't keep playing with wet pants. We stopped having a change of clothes in the car/offering a change as a solution. And we had to leave one basketball game (didn't want to miss her chance on the court!) but once she realized if she didn't take the time to pee and went in her pants she would have to miss the fun....

That worked. She stopped having 'accidents' immediately.

Well. Every time she'd go to dad's she'd come back with her bad habits magnified. Chewing with mouth open. Talking back. Peeing in her pants! She went to her dad's last year, and when she came back we had the same issue except worse. It was literally happening 2-3x a week. I had to leave work and go pick her up at school twice because she had wet herself.


So, now I'm putting this all together. NO FRICKING WONDER she didn't care about taking the time to go. When you're wearing the equivalent of a diaper, who cares?

I am so annoyed with Dad and WBSM.

(and, I can't find those kid's pantyliners anywhere... does anyone know about them?)

And, lest anyone go off on the "child abuse/physical issue" potential aspect of the whole thing, no my child is not abused, and no, this is not a physical issue. She simply doesn't want to take the time to go pee.

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so she only pees her pants after she comes from dad? Then it is possibly caused by dad making her to wear diapers/liners.

But if she goes there not peeing her pants, since you said she hasn't been peeing her pants, then why would he make her wear those? Does not make sense. For 8-year-old, just in case? Huh?

I would give him a phone call. I also find strange that dad never discussed it with you. If DD went to dads and was peeing her pants (or he thought she might pee her pants)he would call me to discuss. So dad never called?

i would call him now and ask what exactly he makes her wear and why and if she pees her pants while there. I would think if she is there only once a year for summer, her habits shoudl get back to normal rather quickly.

The bottom line before I get upset, i would get on the phone with dad and dicuss in details what exactly she wears. By the way if she wears pantyliners, it could cause infections, it is not good for a young girl, her privates need to breathe. So I would investigate. I have never heard of kids pantyliners, could be for adults just in a different package.

    Bookmark   March 3, 2011 at 4:48PM
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I guess that was a little confusing. No, dad knew she was "dribbling", we've talked about it. It's been going on since she was old enough to do her bathroom stuff by herself. She just does not like to stop to go potty. And it wasn't a big deal b/c we knew it wasn't a physical issue... just an attention issue. We figured she'd grow out of it (and I'd just take her more often, we'd "try" to go even if we thought we didn't want to go, etc)

I'd bring a change of clothes for her no matter where we went simply because with kids you never know, and we lived rurally so there wasn't such thing as going home for a quick change... when you're out for the day you can easily be an hour from home.

Last school year she was pretty much done with it (the rare, once a month 'damp' panties after a birthday party or other exciting event). But then she went to dad's and came back in the same rut. I couldn't figure out why. That's when I decided - no, this is not happening anymore. Take away the opportunity and she'll stop. And she did.

But now I'm realizing why she kept falling back to bad habits. No discomfort = no need to change the habit.

She's not there only once a year. And summer is 3 months long, which means 1/4 of the year. That's a long time.

I've never heard of kid pantyliners either. Googled them and can't fine them. Since adult liners are bleached and all sorts of wonky chemicals are put on them I don't think they're a good thing to have up next to a kid's skin all the time anyway.

So dad didn't call because we were both aware of the situation. But I never imagined they were putting her in panty-liners. It's kind of a moot issue now because she doesn't do it anymore.

It's just really irritating to hear that they had this "solution" that made it convenient for them but didn't serve her at all. And of course, I'm inclined to think it's WBSM's idea because dad's not around most of the day.

I'm not calling dad. Discussing it with him won't help :) I'm just venting.


    Bookmark   March 3, 2011 at 5:27PM
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I dont recall any history of dad and wbsm but my thought was....

Maybe she was trying to help... I could completely see what her thinking might have been to try panty liners...changing a panty line is easier than clothes and underwear, perhaps it might be less embarrassing for dd and panty liners are supposed to keep the moisture away from the skin which might help to prevent the itching and discomfort. Perhaps this was a cautionary thing along with efforts to try and go to the potty before leaving and the such. I mean they/or she obviously wasnt as successful as you were at breaking that habit but that doesnt mean she wasnt trying to be helpful and was only being convenient to herself.

    Bookmark   March 3, 2011 at 6:01PM
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At 8 years old, it is a little ridiculous that they think giving her a pad is a solution... too bad that's how they handle a child's problem instead of dealing with it, I hope they don't have other kids!

    Bookmark   March 3, 2011 at 6:44PM
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I also think FSM was trying to help, if dad is not there the whole day then she is a primary caregiver for whatever duration of time DD is there. As a primary caregiver she is trying to come up with the solution. Maybe she has no kids but ended up in charge of one, it must be challenging. How does she know what to do? I am a mother and I would be puzzled.

Pantyliners is not the best solution but like mom of 4 said wet pants at this age is probably worse for a girl. If it is not helpful to call dad then maybe I would call FSM, especially if she is the one, not dad, taking care of DD and discuss what measures are appropriate, and what works for DD.

I would also take DD to pediatrician. Just to rule out physical things.

    Bookmark   March 3, 2011 at 6:47PM
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--"I've never heard of kid pantyliners either. Googled them and can't fine them"--

Look-up children's incontinence products or children's bladder weakness products, they do exist. Many of these types of products are common everyday items in homes with children of special needs (no, I did not say your DD is one of those, just saying just because your child is not, there are needs for such items for other children)

Not your usual onshelf Walmart item, but they are available. Depending on WBSM's shopping area choices she may have actually mail ordered them.

With all that said...I do think I would bring it up with her dr. Not so much that there is a health problem that started the 'trouble' but moreso because now that she does dribble she may need to tone up her muscles there so she can teach her body to stop. If she's going three months each summer with the ease of pads 'just in case' she does not have to worry about holding it too long and/or going when first needing to. She may now actually be insensitive to the initial first gurges. The longer she does this the more issues with normal 'usage' (for lack of a better word) she could develop.

Yeah, I think WBSM was behind the pad idea, but I'll give her a break and assume she really was trying to be helpful.

    Bookmark   March 3, 2011 at 8:10PM
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What does WBSM mean? Lol

I have no other comment on the potty thing because we have the 'wiping' problem after #2 with DD9... BD and SM think I am an awful mother because my kid refuses to spread her cheeks. I have no solution..

    Bookmark   March 3, 2011 at 10:48PM
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    Bookmark   March 3, 2011 at 10:52PM
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myfampg ~ have you given her flushable wipes? (I'd explain that if she doesn't wipe good, others will be able to smell things)

    Bookmark   March 3, 2011 at 10:57PM
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Momof4, she was TOTALLY trying to help. I'm not mad. I'm not going to call them. I'm just really frustrated because now I realize WHY she was coming back with the issue and we'd have to start at square one...

Ima, EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*******Like I said in my original post... it's not physical.***************

I used the "dribbling" to indicate the amount rather than the effect (IYKWIM). She just didn't *quite* make it in time. Due to not wanting to go, rather than not being able to hold it. So why stop playing if you can just let a little loose in your panties and keep truckin? And the solution to that is not to enable her by buying kiddie diapers but to make sure she goes to the bathroom more often.

Plus, one would imagine they would tell me (oh by the way, what really works for us is to give her panty liners) like I told them (have her "try" to go before any event... otherwise she'll be so excited to be there she won't want to stop to go to the bathroom). It's not that she doesn't realize it, or she can't control it. It's that she doesn't want to stop what she's doing. The reason I know this is that it stopped, immediately, when I instituted the "Pee = don't play" rule.

That's what frustrates me.

Myfam, we buy a case of non scented baby wipes and they go on the back of each potty. They work good.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2011 at 10:20AM
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I don't like the comparison of incontinence pads for a healthy child to sanitary pads - they are not the same. Menstruation is normal, healthy and uncontrollable - a little girl having leaking accidents because she doesn't take time to "go" is not equivalent at all. I'd be unhappy about that.

But that also makes me think that WBSM might have been trying to help. After all, if kids are having bed-wetting problems you're not supposed to shame or embarrass them, and maybe WBSM just had a strong distaste for forcing DD to remain in wet clothes (maybe she was a former bed-wetter herself?) I know it's not the same thing - but maybe in WBSM's eyes they were more closely linked?

I don't know; I can really see both sides on this one. If I were SM to a child that I didn't see that often, and who had leaking accidents while in my care when DH was not around, that'd be really a tough call. I completely understand what you were doing with DD - at the same time, WBSM was in a position where she may have been imagining herself in court, testifying as to how DD ended up with rashes because she (WBSM) refused to carry dry clothing for her SD to change into despite the fact that she knew that the child had frequent accidents. KWIM?

    Bookmark   March 5, 2011 at 11:23AM
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I found several sites advertising incontinence products, this one has variety of pads for kids/teens.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2011 at 8:24PM
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Yeah, I got the 'dig' too, FDs. No idea what Mattie has her knickers in a knot over this time because there was never any comparison that she seems bent on implying I made. My choice was to let her have her little rant and let it go. She obviously had no idea what I was refering to nor exactly what different products are out there nor that one can use either 'word' and get about the same hits while searching online. I did not check out your link...too early, no coffee yet...but there are simple 'booster pads' that come in colorful individual packets that merely 'back-up'. I can very well see why a child perhaps using them would think nothing more of them than what she might see mom use ( but for a very different reason ,menstruation the kid is like 9). Depends on product actually used, style ect.

I have no idea what product this child was given (and unless Mattie was actually there, neither does she), what I was pointing out to the OP (after she said she had goggled and failed to find child panty liners) key words to assist in her search. Some of these items are so similiar in style, ease ect, to what Mattie is objecting to, while some are much more. I happen to know what some of the different items are and the wide variety of simple and more intense items there are only as the pharmacy at the children's hospital here carries enough different items for the subject (and the many intense and slight need for such items) that an entire aisle is dedicated to them... not my fault the little aisle marker for store guidience states 'incontinence/bladder weakness'

If Silver's 'no pee, no play' is all it takes to solve Little Silver's issues, then I would certainly be put out that WBSM takes the 'oh, here, use this panty liner' as a easy out instead of 'no pee, no play'.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2011 at 8:16AM
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sites I found had variety of pads divided by light-leaking, heavy stream or urine etc I wasn't actually replying to mattie's post, I haven't read it, I replied to silver's original inquiry where those products could be found. The key words could be "incontinence products" and then look in a specific link for kids/youth.

I don't know, I think it is a lot to ask from FSM to monitor the issue. I understand it works for the parents, but she is not DD's parent, isn't raising her, and sees her once in a year, her responsibility should not be to make sure DD does not pee her pants, she is not even a SM! She is just trying to make it easier to manage with the responsibility she is given. I actually commend her for agreeing to babysit every day.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2011 at 10:05AM
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I happen to agree with WBSM getting a 'pass' here also. It's not her I would address my concerns to. But Daddy gets no free pass. It's very hard when a lady steps up and volunteers her time and efforts to a child she is not even responsible for...I think WBSM really meant well and was trying to be helpful. But nope, not so Daddy. Daddy needs to be more aware, more willing to work on the issue and should be doing it communicating and working towards solutions via child's mother (in this case, Silver, as daughter's 'issue' does not occur when different approaches are used 70 plus % of the year. Silver does not stand a chance of getting this nipped in the bud if daughter is allowed to think and to use an easy out during daughter's times at different residence. No, not WBSM's fault and/or problem...but she does enable the problem to continue. WBSM seems to care enough to at least make things for WBSD 'manageable' so as not have problems that would others would notice and/or possible other children point and snicker at. At roughly 9 children can and are cruel and at least WBSM seems to be trying to make on this part of the situation 'better' for WBSD. I think WBSN means well even if I don't agree with her instant fix. I think WBSM is doing the best she can and/or knows how to do (or is in a postion to at the very least)for a little girl she does appear to care about.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2011 at 11:10AM
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Um, justmetoo?

"DD(8) told me the other day: "Mom, you know those pads you use when you get your period? I had some of those when I was with Dad."

Me: (wth?) "what do you mean?"

DD: "I put them in my panties in case I had an accident"

Me: "Were they like mommy's? Where did you get them?"

DD: "No, they were for kids! They came in bright packages and WBSM bought them for me. Or maybe it was dad". "

THIS is what I was replying to - I wasn't referring to your post at all. And I am well aware that there are incontinence products for kids; I was talking about the fact that DD was apparently under the impression that wearing incontinence pads because she chooses to wait is akin to wearing feminine hygiene products.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2011 at 2:26PM
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mattie I think DD just commented that pads look alike, if you see them online they do look alike. DD might not truly understand the issue, she compares them because they look alike.

I agree with justmetoo, dad needs to be held accountable or maybe visitations need to be shortened if it is detrimental for a child. If DD came from a visit peeing her pants, I would have a huge issue with that. At 8? i would be livid.

As about watching kids, I sometimes watch my niece-9 over the summer. I don't work over the summer but I would not be watching her every day, and I would expect her to be completely potty trained by her parents. Now I did watch my niece and nephew when they weren't potty trained, they were too young, but I treated them accordingly, like changed their diapers etc But not in a more advanced age. I take my niece places like ZOO, or movies, or a park and if she got her pants wet, I would not be willing to drag her around with her pants wet, it is just too embarrassing for a child, or where do you change her wet clothes in the Zoo?

No matter what solutions I would come up with I don't think I would be the one held responsible for potty training my niece. I don't think it is FSM's job at all. It is parents job, when she is with dad needs to work on the bathroom issue.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2011 at 5:08PM
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Thanks ladies. I'm not mad at anyone... just thinking *wth*???

Since DD doesn't WET her pants she just "dribbles" it's not a situation of walking around with a big wet spot on her heinie. It's more of getting a rash because she's damp. Carrying a pair of panties in my purse would solve any issue. She wouldn't do it twice in one outing. She simply does not want to stop what she's doing to pee until it's a little too late.

@Mattie, I don't make my daughter stay in the wet clothes either... she simply cannot continue what she's doing. We go home. It only had to happen twice, and she hasn't done it since. It's mental, not physical... and I don't punish her for it. It's simple logic. One cannot play if one has wet pants.

Thanks for the links. I can't imagine putting my *normal* child in a big ol' pad but... I guess to each their own.

LOL on the question of where to change a child at the Zoo. I'd change her clothes in the bathroom...

And my daughter is "potty trained". She's been completely trained since 1 1/2. It's only in the past couple of years she'd be playing and just think she had enough time to get to the bathroom but not quite make it.

It's not like she's playing and then *whoosh* it all comes out and she's standing in a puddle. It's just a tiny bit as she's running for the bathroom. If she doesn't make it... damp pants.

I just have to add as well, I know a lot of people here are in and out of court as a way of life. DD's dad and I have managed to resolve all of our conflicts (including our divorce) via mediation services. We've never been to court. There is absolutely no reason WBSM would think she'd be hauled to court. It's simply not how it's done where we are from.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2011 at 10:08AM
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Silversword, I didn't think there was anything wrong with what you were doing! All that I meant was that WBSM might have been coming to this with a whole different background and set of experiences. Even the court thing - just because you and DH don't go off to court all the time doesn't necessarily mean that WBSM might not have divorced parents or siblings who spend their lives in Family Court, for example, and that could certainly make someone gun-shy, even if it's illogical in your case.

That's what I meant. Maybe WBSM has her own history of which we are all unaware. If, for example, WBSM had a physical continence issue herself as a child, and her parents reacted appallingly and punished her for what, in that case, was beyond her control, I would think it would have to be very difficult for WBSM to not bring that history into this situation, even though it is not the same thing.

If I had a child who had serious digestive issues, and could only eat small amounts of food at a time - and I went through years and years of trying to get them to get enough nutrition and calories, but also making sure that they did not eat too much at any one time - and then I'm taking care of a child who has rules of "everything on the plate must be eaten", it would be very tough. Everything in my experience would be screaming to not cajole or coax the child to eat once they said they'd had enough, whereas the "everything must be finished rule" is not uncommon and especially for kids who tend to plead being full and then beg for sweets twenty minutes later.

I think what you were doing was right - because it worked. I think WBSM was probably doing what she thought was best, with what may have been limited knowledge of the real issue. Most of all, I think your ex completely dropped the ball by dumping this onto WBSM in the first place, and especially if WBSM did not have the whole story from him.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2011 at 11:14AM
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Plenty of children/adults have to wear "big ol' pads" because plenty of children/adults have incontience issues phsycial/mental and plenty of disabled chidlren/adults simply must wear those to stay dry. You are lucky "you cannot maigine" it. "To each its own" is a very condesending comment taking in consideration that majority of children, who wear those, are disabled. They didn't make a choice. Plus comment "normal" is not even appropriate here. Who defined standard of normalsy? It is very relative.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2011 at 11:49AM
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Hi Mattie,
Yeah, I got what you meant. Thank you :) I just wanted to clarify that she didn't have to stay in wet clothes (and me not making her do that was enabling her) and that in our situation there is no way WBSM would think I'd take her to task... for one thing, I never have. For another, it's just not that kind of community. Her parents know my parents, everyone knows one another... it's just not how it's done there. She is a very kind person to my DD and I can't imagine her doing it for any other reason than to make DD comfortable, as you said.

I'm just irritated that the past year's struggles (meaning school year 2009-10) was completely unnecessary because if I had known what they were doing we could have stopped this cycle a lot sooner. DD hasn't had the issue since she came back last summer, and then it was stopped pretty quickly and we haven't had a problem since October. But prior to that she was fine (1-2 accidents) until she'd go over there... then BOOM... back to square one again.

The thing is, she doesn't WET herself, she wets herself. Sometimes I wouldn't catch it until she got a rash. And I couldn't figure out why she was doing it. Now it makes sense... she was ok doing it because she COULD do it. She'd forget that she wasn't wearing her pad.

To me, this is absolutelyfrickingridiculous to do to a child who is (and yes, I'm going to say it again :) NORMAL. And it's lazy, IMO.

Oh my goodness PO1.

That's why I had the ** around normal. Anybody who's not looking for a fight could see that what I was saying is for a child who has no physical issues it's hard to imagine them wearing a potty pad.

And, I think anyone who put their kid in potty pads when there was ANY other option (barring some physical necessity) is lazy.

"Normal" in this conversation is a child who is potty trained and physically and mentally capable of going to the bathroom without assistance.

That is what "normal" children are able to do. "Normal" means 'average, regular, expected, the standard'.

It is "Normal/Average/Regular/Expected/The Standard" for an 8 year old child with no physical or mental issues to be able to use the bathroom without soiling their pants or wearing potty pads.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2011 at 2:30PM
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I do agree that standard/expected behavior is to stay dry at 8. Since she is not wetting anymore since October, I would specifically tell my ex in a friendly manner: "she is not doing it anymore, so no need for any specific measures, pads or whatever". And maybe asked "if she continues wetting, please give me a phone call so we can discuss it prior to making decisions." Hopefully next summer there will be no pads. And at some age no matter what is the reason for wetting it is just going to get embarassing. Some girls start getting developed at 9. I wouldn't treat it lightly.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2011 at 4:37PM
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Hi Silver...I have read the whole thread and hear your frustration. And agree!

But I am RN and my husband is a physician, so from a medical point of view I just want to ask whether she has had a urine screen? A simple dipstick or MSU can show whether any more tests need to be undertaken.

I also suffered from renal problems which were undiagnosed until I was 11 yrs old. I too was perfectly trained from 18 months old but then began dribbling intermittently at around age 10, then some bedwetting, irritation and burning and then I had to have major kidney surgery when I was 13 yrs old.

Admittedly this was 30 yrs ago and one would hope these types of problems would be diagnosed earlier and more easily these days.

But you never know. So please make sure she is medically totally clear before anything else.

    Bookmark   March 8, 2011 at 4:44AM
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I am sorry you had to have a surgery at such young age. I hope that silvers and/or her ex take your professional and personal experience into consideration.

Hopefully it is nothing and there is no medical issues, but normal urges to urinate are strong enough for a 8-year-child to stop playing (unless urges are not strong enough, child is developmentally delayed/immature for his age or suffers from some attention issues?). I would not treat it lightly.

If my child/any child did not stop playing when she wanted to pee (more than once), I would be extremelly alarmed. I work with children, so I am sensitive when issues are ignored or downplayed, I see too many consequences of that. It is always better to be safe than sorry.

    Bookmark   March 8, 2011 at 11:26AM
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Hi Subie, I really appreciate your concern.

It's not a dribbling... I never should have used that word. I just meant it in the terms of amount rather than speed or frequency, if you know what I mean.

She's never wet the bed, (once, when she was sick, at age 4 or so, and that's it...) had irritation, etc. She uses the restroom just fine and is regular in all aspects. She just doesn't want to stop to use the restroom, thinks she can hold it longer than she can, and a little 'escapes'.

She's never once said "I couldn't hold it" or "it just came out". What she does is start walking funny, or start sitting down a lot... and then when asked "do you have to go to the bathroom" she says "yes". But she doesn't want to leave whatever's going on in order to do her business.

It's an attention thing rather than physical. I do appreciate your concern.

This was just a vent about my frustration that we'd have a routine that worked, no issues, then she'd come back and be (what word can I use... delaying urination?) to the point of getting her panties a bit damp before she'd take the time to walk to the potty. I couldn't figure out why it was happening when she would be fine with me (but then, I MAKE her use the bathroom before we go on a car trip, I MAKE her use the bathroom before we sit down for a sports game or theater, I MAKE her take a break half way through the birthday party... even if she says she doesn't have to go, we go 'try')

If someone would rather put a pad in a kid's pants than make them go pee before getting in the car to drive for an hour... that's just beyond my imagination. I never in my life imagined that as an option for a child with *normal* needs.

My mom ALWAYS made me pee before going anywhere. I still go to the bathroom and 'try' before I drive for over an hour. I thought this was something that most people (women esp.) do... at least in my family it's what we do, unless you want to be in a gas station bathroom or on the side of the road within 20 minutes.

I just never imagined someone would prefer to put a pad in a kid's pants rather than encourage them to use the bathroom more often (barring physical issues).

So I'm venting :) I'm not going to call dad and make a fuss since this was over six months ago. It would be counter-productive at this point.

Just imagine if any of you had this casual "pad-bomb" dropped on you by your 8 year old!!!

    Bookmark   March 8, 2011 at 11:56AM
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You're right PO1, I'm downplaying the issue, she's developmentally delayed and immature, she has extreme attention-getting issues, she has no urges to pee and I could care less.

I haven't taken her to the doctor and I have no intention of doing so because I don't care about my kid and have no understanding or experience with children!

She's probably being sexually/and or mentally/and or physically abused too, but I don't think this could be a warning sign because I obviously don't care about my child. I just want to rag on my ex-husband's girlfriend and whine about it.

It is so frustrating to explain something ad nauseaum and have you malign my intentions.



    Bookmark   March 8, 2011 at 12:09PM
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LOL, Silversword!

I can't imagine putting my *normal* child in a big ol' pad but... I guess to each their own.

"Plus comment "normal" is not even appropriate here. Who defined standard of normalsy? It is very relative."
normal urges to urinate are strong enough for a 8-year-child to stop playing (unless urges are not strong enough, child is developmentally delayed/immature for his age or suffers from some attention issues?). "

Ha ha ha ha! Parent of One, it appears that you want to be the one who defines "normal"! LOL!

    Bookmark   March 8, 2011 at 1:06PM
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Well, I certainly thought of Little Silver this morning while out running errands. I have normal urges and I know when I should stop to pee...but I was being a stubborn old lady who kept thinking just a few more minutes, no problem still plenty of time.

I had several stops to make, several parking lots to hike across and then declined the one restroom available as it did not look real clean. So I get back in the car for the twenty minute drive still to go home...I'm telling ya, if I'd have sneezed half way home it would have been all done. From the driveway up the deck and into the house to the potty this morning seemed like three hundred miles LOL.

I could have used a Momma Silver shaking her finger at me and saying 'JMT, stop that and go pee'. I don't need any pads, I don't need an easy out and there is nothing wrong with my urinary tract/system...I was just pushing my luck. I made it ok, but I just kept thinking I can put it off a few more minutes.

As long as Silver knows the what and why and has discussed and cleared no real health issues with the dr., I'd say Little Silver will be just fine. I still don't like WBSM putting pads on instead of just saying 'just go pee now please', but that's Silver's issue to deal with and guess she'll do it in her own way.

    Bookmark   March 8, 2011 at 1:44PM
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Thank you Justme!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hahahaha I can just see you crossing your legs at stoplights and running for the front door frantically trying to auto lock your car with the clicker as you run up the stairs! Been there, done that!)

Mattie, exactly.

It was just a vent. There's no real issue here except that my jaw is still aching from where it dropped on the floor when my DD oh-so-casually mentioned she'd been wearing incontinence pads all summer. LMAO. (oh, by the way Mom)

And the reason it was mentioned is because she saw me grabbing a panty liner from the cupboard. Otherwise who knows how long it would have taken me to find out?

    Bookmark   March 8, 2011 at 2:05PM
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I am glad that she did see a doctor, that's all I am concerned about, if whatever you are doing is due to doctor's advice and diagnosis then it is perfectly fine. It didn't appear at first that she saw a professional about the issue, so if she did, I have no issues with that, in fact I am glad.

Mattie, I didn't use term "normal" in regards to a child, especially any specific child. I was refering to urges to urinate. It is a basic knowledge. I never said that the child is "normal" or not if they wet their pants at any age. Behavior or development or mental capacity might be within the norm or deviate from it (either way), not the child.

But like i said if she saw a doctor, then there is no issue.

    Bookmark   March 8, 2011 at 3:57PM
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PO1, I said it's not abuse or a physical issue in the OP. You chose to ignore it.

    Bookmark   March 8, 2011 at 4:31PM
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I never said it is abuse. As about physical/medical/psychological issue, you never mentioned her seeing a doctor.

Actually I am not the only person, several people kept saying "take her to a doctor", you never said that you already have, all you kept saying "she has no issues". Unless I misread, you never mentioned doctor's visit. Otherwise why would people keep asking you? I am glad, she did see the doctor.

    Bookmark   March 8, 2011 at 5:31PM
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You may not realize it, but your statement insinuates that I'm not caring for my daughter:

"Hopefully it is nothing and there is no medical issues, but normal urges to urinate are strong enough for a 8-year-child to stop playing (unless urges are not strong enough, child is developmentally delayed/immature for his age or suffers from some attention issues?). I would not treat it lightly."

This is saying that my daughter's 'urges' are not normal because she does not stop playing. You then went on to say it's not normal unless she's 'developmentally delayed/immature/suffers from attention issues'.

I shouldn't have to say I took her to a doctor, or the diagnosis. Me saying that "it's not a physical issue" should be enough to assume that I'm telling the truth.

Unless you want to believe I'm really a pony-tailed hog-riding Proust-loving protologist who weighs 400lb and actually has no children and just posts on here for amusement you'll have to take me at my word that, physically, my child checks out.

You insinuate a lot, and I find it rude. I'm calling you on it.

    Bookmark   March 8, 2011 at 6:40PM
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I don't know...I was advised by people to take DD to check out, what's the big deal? For example her school suggested that i check her hearing because she has awfully loud voice, I kind of suspected it is nothing because we all have loud voices on all sides of the family and no one has hearing problems, I personally thought it was nothing, but I did check and I was right. But I never thought that they insinuate I am a bad mother or it should be enough for me to say "no, she is fine" and get all defensive. It was nothing, but it could be something and I would be glad I followed somebody's advice. If she did have hearing problem, it would not mean I am a bad mother.

I bet you in real life if you said your 8-year-old does not stay dry because she does not stop playing, you would be advised to show her to a doctor. Not like people advised you to do something out of ordinary, pretty standard suggestion. Whatever problems our kids might have is not necessarily from bad parenting (only some are), it could be million reasons. Why get defensive?

And this is Internet forum, take it or leave it.

    Bookmark   March 9, 2011 at 5:20PM
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Why get defensive? Because you keep harping on it. Because you suggest, even after I say it's not physical or emotional, that it must be physical or emotional.

Actually, no one has suggested IRL that I take her to the doctor because it's SO OBVIOUS what is going on. I didn't even take her to the doctor specifically for the issue, just brought it up in an appt.

I do not take my child's issue to be an indicator of poor parenting. I take umbrage at your comments as I feel they are an insinuation of such.

You're right. This is an internet forum. I doubt, IRL, you behave like this. Often the cloak of anonymity allows people to act different than they would were they to stand in front of someone.

    Bookmark   March 10, 2011 at 12:39PM
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Hi Silver, yes I am sure she is medically ok. If she doesnt show signs of urinary urgency (small amounts of urine being passed often that she physically cant hold on to) along with any urinary burning, then she is likely just fine.

I used to have to go every 5 mins and dribble and it would burn SO badly. I am sure any of you lovely ladies who have ever suffered cystitis...well x10 and thats how it felt. I was one miserable kid. All is finally good 30 years later:)

The only other thing to be slightly aware of is of a tendency towards an immature bladder...that is the nerves and muscles of the bladder can be a little underdeveloped and dont respond as well to the pressure of urine in the bladder. This improves with time, and there are strategies/meds to help train the bladder to hold more and for longer. Believe it or not, voiding frequently ("just in case")when you dont actually feel the urge can worsen the problem. It trains the bladder into sensing the need to void with a small volume, and therefore creating the need to void more frequently.

You are right in thinking though that this could very well be an acting out and situational problem-for that i would quietly defer to those moms who have dealt with this types of issues before. That is a challenging problem and my heart goes out to you as you try to resolve it - especially trying to get your ex and his wife on board. Good luck:)

    Bookmark   March 12, 2011 at 2:36AM
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Hi Subie,
Yes, she's medically ok. No, she's not "acting out". She just thinks she can hold it longer than she can. She has really good bladder control (I know from the times she's said "I gotta go" and I've said "can you hold it" and she does until we get to a bathroom).

I don't have her void frequently. I have her void before a sports game (where she will not be able to go easily), before a long car trip, etc.

I don't know anyone who DOESN'T go "just in case" before entering a situation where a bathroom may not be easily accessable.

Thank you, as I said in the OP, problem is solved. It's just the realizing months later that a big reason the problem kept happening was probably due to the potty pads.


    Bookmark   March 12, 2011 at 12:15PM
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