My stepson annoys me....help me be patient!

motherlisaMarch 31, 2009

My stepson is 13(also have one that is 11). I love him and want to be a good mother, but I feel horrible because everything he does just annoys me! He is really a good kid, doesn't get into trouble at school or anything. He has just become extremely annoying to me. He has all these little things he says and does that he thinks are so "cool". He thinks he is so much smarter than his little brother, and he dad and I for that matter. He walks around the house singing the wrong words to songs. He rolls his eyes any time he is asked to do anything. The list goes on and on. I realize this is pretty normal for kids this age to act this way and just be awkward and annoying in general, but I can't help but wonder if I would be more patient if he were my biological child. I love him and I feel very guilty for being so annoyed by him.

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organic_maria

It is normal at this age. and i get annoyed with anyone who behaves like that whether it be my son, my ss, my cousin or my nephews....you have to tune out my dear:)
Learn to tune out...it can save you!!! lol..hang in there.!

You feel guilty because he is your ss and u are wondering if the annoying feeling you are getting is because its your stepson doing it or the things he does???? Focus on the things he does that annoys you ..and not the fact that he is your ss.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2009 at 2:26PM
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nikemama

organic_maria is right!! You have to learn to not hear it and if you ask them to stop it will get worst. My SS likes to whistle. DRIVES ME CRAZY!! I have 5 BS15 SS13 SD12 BS10 BS8, The 3 BS full-time. Learn to hear only what you need to keep from getting hit in the head by a flying tennis ball in the living room and words like "DUCK" or "DON'T TELL MOM" or "Look what the dog did"...LOL Just kidding. It isn't just the step-kid things your own are worst because you think they should know better.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2009 at 3:11PM
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silversword

Ditto. My dd drives me CRAZY sometimes. And it's little things, little mannerisms that she has. And I think that she thinks she's being cute or cool when she does them, but to me they are completely annoying and drive me to insanity!!!!!!!!

So don't feel bad, I don't know if you would be more patient if he were your bio kid but those of us with bio kids have the same emotions so it's not a unique SM/Skid situation. Don't beat yourself up, take a deep breath and go into another room. Try to remember how annoying you must have been to your parents and laugh with yourself about your younger self.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2009 at 3:15PM
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motherlisa

silversword:Your response was just what I needed to hear. He actually reminds me way too much of my younger self, maybe that is exactly why he is so annoying to me. Thinking of it in this way is definitely comical and also makes me want to try that much harder to just be patient and wait for the awkwardness to pass. It does pass, right?!?

    Bookmark   March 31, 2009 at 5:30PM
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mom_of_2.5

Bio/step makes no difference, it is indeed the age. My DD is 13 and there are days I want to send her to her Dad's for good! From the eye rolling, doing no homework, trashed bedroom, the annoying words they "make up" the wrong lyrics to horrible music and the thinking I'm so dumb.

I feel horribly guily at times because I love my daughter, but barely like her.

Time will make it better

    Bookmark   March 31, 2009 at 9:39PM
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motherlisa

mom of 2.5: Thanks for the response, that is exactly how I feel, I love him and want to do the best for him. But I just don't know how much I actually like him right now and at times just can't stand to be around him. And of course, I too, feel so guilty. I just wish I could force myself to not have these feelings!

    Bookmark   April 1, 2009 at 9:16AM
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silversword

It will pass... and then it will come back with other annoying habits...

They say that the things we dislike in other people are the things we dislike most about ourselves, so that makes sense.

One thing that I've found that works with my dd is to just be honest with her. I tell her that when she uses her "little girl voice" I have a hard time hearing her. When her room is dirty and she asks for something (help, snack, etc) I tell her I have a hard time fulfilling the needs of someone who does not pay attention to my needs. When she asks for something or demands something without a "please" I say "excuse me, I didn't hear you". I tell her that asking questions all the time is important for her learning, but sometimes I had a hard time answering her. Like when my back is to her, I'm doing dishes and the water is on. I find it irritating that she asks questions when she knows I can't really hear her, and I let her know she has to speak up in that situation because I want to listen to her/answer her question, but I get irritated when she keeps questioning me and I have to ask, "pardon me, please repeat yourself" over and over again. This way I get to voice my irritation but it's in a good, constructive way and I don't keep it inside to explode at her later, and she gets to know why mommy isn't so ready to help/what makes mommy irritated.

Is there any way you can tell him how his behavior doesn't work for you without squelching his little heart/soul or stepping on his pride?

    Bookmark   April 1, 2009 at 12:37PM
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finedreams

DD (adult) still annnoys me that she cannot get anywhere on time, cannot get ready in a timely fashion and always forgets things. She's been always like this, always annoyed me with that habbit. The other thing she does: she has extremelly loud voice, she sounds like she is screaming. It could be embarassing. Because of her voice she often monopolizes conversations because everyone is forced to listen. She also loves to interrupt and talk over other people (loudly). Yes, it can be very difficult and embarassing. I certainly love my daughter more than anything, but it doesn't mean she doesn't annoy me!

    Bookmark   April 1, 2009 at 5:42PM
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