(Almost) Speechless This Morning

justmetooMarch 28, 2010

I met my SGS13's wannabe stepmom last evening, and I'm a bit troubled this morning that my first thoughts within minutes of meeting her was 'wonder how much I'd spoil this visit if I get up, walk over, and knock this wannabe little witch right off her chair and give her a quick reality check'.

WSM (wannabe stepmom) met my SGS13 yesterday afternoon for about two hours for the first time ever. WSM has been dating SS42 since mid Feb.

SS and WSM rode the bike up for SGS's birthday (which is a 9 hour one way trip to SGS13 and another 2 hours over to our home) SS42 makes this trip every year for the birthday, spends the day with SGS and than usually brings SGS13 over here for the evening, overnight and breakfast the next morning before SS42 then makes the 11 hour trip back dropping SGS off at BM's on the way.

Okay, since this year WSM demanded she come along SGS could not come to my house this year (on a bike, three people). SS42 brought the bike because SGS13 has been really excited to see and ride the new motercycle (SS and SGS are into bikes together and both love them). SS rode that bike up only to please SGS even though SS rode through strong cold winds and rain with temps mid 30's to mid 40's.

Why did not the WSM just stay home? Besides ruining the day for all, the next thing WSM did was take over SGS while in his town ( nasty to his BM because WSM found her inferior, ignorant and found it mandatary to pee on post left and right)

Then WSM gets to my house and preceeds to tell us all about it and how 'I told her' blah blah 'she's not going to get away with _____ or _____ while I'm in the picture' blah blah and on and on.

She told us all about her superior knowledge and insights into SGS (she saw him 2 hours total afterall surely that's enough to know more and better than people who truly know the child and have been involved in his life for years, right?)

I don't think I've ever in my life disliked somebody so quickly. All I could think is 'where the heck did SS find this witch and why does he think it's a good thing to introduce this 'thing' into SGS's life'.

Since this is 3rd GF in a year for SS (I'm hoping like mad that she disappears before summer when SGS will be down spending the summer with SS).

I know I have little tolerance for arrogance combined with ignorance in people but this lady takes the prize for the most arrogant ignorant person who should never be allowed to be a stepparent.

I know SS will be calling late tonight when he rolls into his town to let us know he made it and want to know what dad and I thought. I'll dodge him tonight (I'm ever so busy excuse) and just have dad chat with him.

But I can' dodge him for long, he'll keep calling till he speaks with me this week .

What to do/say? Keep my mouth shut and pray to all that is holy she poofs before summer? If this woman stays in the 'picture' long I really believe she has the ability to turn SGS's life upside down. I will assume for right now that SS is thinking with the wrong 'head' and at sometime the bulb at the other end will kick in he has a son to consider and I see this woman as not a good thing or in the best interest of SGS.

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mom2emall

I understand your sons girlfriend wanting to meet you and your husband and grandson. That is not abnormal. But that does stink that it ruined the motorcycle trip for your grandson.

But, I can not believe that 2 months into the relationship she is already trying to get in the middle of your son and his ex's arrangements. And that on her first meeting with you she spent it complaining about your sons ex. She sounds very insecure.

If I were you I would be tempted to tell my son that you really did not get to know her because she spent the whole time ragging on his ex. I also may warn him that allowing her to be in the middle of things with his ex so soon will lead to trouble.

By the way was she talking about your grandsons mother right in front of him? If so I would tell my son that was very hurtful for the child!

If you stay quiet it will be harder to voice your concerns later on. If you voice them right away, before things are too serious your son may be more likely to turn his lightbulb on.

    Bookmark   March 28, 2010 at 12:22PM
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terinick

I think it STINKS when people find it necessary to introduce their children and/or family to someone they are casually dating or don't know very well at all. In my opinion, that's just not right.

    Bookmark   March 28, 2010 at 2:29PM
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finedreams

I guess I see this situation differently.

If he only met her in February, it is inappropriate to introduce her to his child in March. she is not a mother and does not know any better, does not know what parents need to be doing, but he is a father and should know better than introducing different women to his son, very bad example.

If he allowed her to speak poorly of a child's mother, it is double wrong.

This man does not sound like a mature and responsible father to me. I think your frustration is misplaced, she is a stranger and might be gone tomorrow but SS is a father and is here to stay and he is the one who does not know what he is doing. Bikes and all is not the issue here, dad's irresponsible parenting is the issue.

    Bookmark   March 28, 2010 at 6:44PM
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justmetoo

Actually, finedreams, I've never seen this out of him before (SS). While I know he has his issues with BM now and then, he's never undercut her like this, never.

He's not normally a bad dad, but he only has SGS all summer and Christmas break. About 9 months a year, BM is actual caregiver (along with the child support plus extra non ordered money, insurance, and education fund savings SS pays out monthly)and dad fathers' by phone during these months except for the annual birthday trip and another quick trip in the fall. Not an ideal situation, but it's rather the way BM has always wanted it and they have always had big miles between each other. BM and SS spend lots of time communicating via phone over SGS and 99% of time get along fine. They were never a 'real' couple, no big break-up, or anything like that. He has always shown respect for her as the mother of his child. Until last night...

The GFs are inbetween times SS has SGS. SS got burnt bad when young and has never cared to enter into a long term serious relationship again. I think it's the first GF SS has met in years. Partly why this GF and the events of this weekend is tossing me for a loop. This is not normal for SS. It was like a stranger showed up at our home yesterday.

His dad suggested after SS left perhaps SS was doing the mid-life crisis bit, time running out, better start thinking of settling down. As DH is working this weekend we've not had much chance to discuss anything as yet. I know DH was as taken aback as I was.

    Bookmark   March 28, 2010 at 7:45PM
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kkny

Mom2emall,

GF wants to meet parents of 42YO? OK. As far as I am concerned, anything between adults fine. Rushing it with child.

    Bookmark   March 29, 2010 at 8:22AM
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justmetoo

--she is not a mother and does not know any better, does not know what parents need to be doing..."--

Not sure what I said that gave the impression this WSM is not a mother and does not know what parents should be doing, because that is not the case. WSM is a mom, a single mom with a 19 year old daughter (has a 1 year old baby) and a 17 year old son. Son does not live with her and has not for a while (not sure of the backstory there, WSM was too busy ranting about my BM and SGS to fill me in on the ins and outs of HER family).

But that's really neither here nor there and does not excuse WSM's treatment of SGS's BM. And I did find out late last night that WSM did her BM kick stunt while SS and SGS were off riding, so luckily none of this was done in front of SGS.

And it does not excuse why SS did not tell WSM to shut the heck up while she was in our home. I have my ups and downs with SGS's BM but I found myself defending and screaming her praises while WSM knocked BM to pieces here. BM tries hard, she's not perfect but in no way did she deserve to have WSM in her face.

I half think SS was caught up in a hard place this weekend. He came all that way to see his son and his dad and it was the visit from h#ll and he knew full well he had created the events all by himself. He usually stays over with us, but we did not invite them, I printed out directions to a motel, Dh handed him a $100 and told him we were tired and since DH had to work early maybe they should just stay elsewhere this time.

I also found out that once GF and SS returned to their state having fought all the trip back, he has broken off any relationship with this SWB for the time being--their back to they might go out together now and then , but he made it clear to her there is not any future in it. He did also say he will not have her around SGS this summer, he realizes he did a major screw up. SS claim is he had no idea WSM would behave this way nor that she felt the way she did. He says he had told WSM all about BM and WSM never said a word of anti anything towards any of it until they arrived at SGS's.

But that does not excuse any of his stupidity of dragging along a new GF way too soon nor does it speak towards his judgement of this woman and in the events that followed because of it.

He blew it and he knows it. Damage is done. BM is major hurt and mad (rightly so) and SGS is in tears cause BM says she's rethinking letting SGS do the usual whole summer visitation (I can't blame there on this)

Where the heck did his brain go? As stated above, none of this is his usual behavior especially when his son is involved. He's normally a resposibile adult, has a good job, a nice home, is NORMALLY a very involved concerned father and things move along without any of this past weekends events. So how did he go from responsible adult/dad to idiot of the year in like six weeks? I don't understand any of it.

I'm not sure things will ever be the same again between BM and SS. She's hurt, angry and does not trust any longer that SS will put SGS first and foremost as he always has in the past.

    Bookmark   March 29, 2010 at 1:03PM
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kkny

Where the heck did his brain go?

I suspect the part of him in control was lower down.

    Bookmark   March 29, 2010 at 1:30PM
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silversword

I've taken a seeming reasonable sane person with me to events before only to find out their true character comes out at the worst time. It's amazing how sane someone can be, or what a good idea it seems to take someone somewhere and then find out they're a nutball.

If he's usually sane, I'd chalk it up to an unfortunate decision and just feel sorry for him as he's bound to be embarrassed.

    Bookmark   March 29, 2010 at 2:20PM
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ashley1979

Oh....wow....bad move on SS part.

I've met women like WSM you speak of. My XBIL's wife is that way.

You hit the nail on the head when you said "and found it mandatary to pee on post left and right". That's exactly what she was doing. SS should've known this about her (usually not an easily-hidden trait), and known it would be inappropriate to bring her along.

    Bookmark   April 5, 2010 at 3:01PM
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