Step daughter damaging to marriage
New here as I just found this forum. I am so relieved to read that I am not alone in my ongoing battle with my situation.
In a nutshell ,
Been married for 14 yrs to my husband. We have a " yours , mine and ours " family. I have two daughters from previous marriage, ages 23 and 21
He has 18 yr old D from his mistake, I mean first marriage
My kids are close to him , but thanks to husband's ex , I have never had a good relationship with his
We also have a 13 yr old daughter
His D has been a constant source of stress and and strain throughout entire marriage , nit to mention his unstable ex.
She has never moved on and prefers to make our lives miserable rather than make her own life happy
It's a very unhealthy situation and I am nearing my breaking point.
The problems have definately escalated in the last two yrs , beginning with a battle over SD getting her license and husband buying her a car..in all fairness, he DID buy my oldest a car when she got her license..difference is, she :
A ) worked for family business, sometimes without getting paid from very early age
B ) never asked for it and instead showed complete appreciation and respect
C ) D # 2 bought her own car with her own $ as we could not aford another and neither was willing to share same car )
When it was his D's turn , it became a huge battle, with BM egging the entire fight on with every fiber of her being
It was horrible and with the way she treated her dad, didn't deserve a bus pass
In the end, he did get a car for her , though we really couldn't afford it and she truly didn't deserve it
In the last year and half, been nothing but battles and arguments , most of all I stay away from but it is becoming increasingly difficult
The parent in me knows that she is a product of growing up with hateful, vengeful, bitter monther , but the wife in me is furious about how she treats my husband and me and rest of family
She is the epitome of negativity
Miserable to be around and becoming a mirror of her mother
16 yrs of this has really worn me down and erroded our marriage
There is a different set of rules for her than anyone else , and that has grown way beyond old...
I have hated one person in my entire life, and that is her mother...now I am beginning to hate her too
I know my husband is stuck in the middle , but he has never really stood up to his ex ( under the excuse that she just seeks revenge and takes it all out on his D ) He also really isn't there on my side when there are conflicts between SD, EX or me..I think he chooses the easy way out and takes it for granted that I am the least combative and knows I love him
I am sooo sick of living this way , but don't want to give either of the crazies the satisfaction of destroying us..and also don't want our daughter to get torn up anymore either
After a nasty argument that occured last week between SD, my normally extremely patient oldest D and me, I have come right out and told husband that I cannot be around her anymore...nor will I do anything at all for her since I am not only never thanked for anything , but she goes out of her way to insult me , then expect me to do stuff for her
I think it is what I need to do for myself to try to maintain my sanity and health
Anyway, thanks for letting me rant and vent