What to do?
My DD and I just returned home after having been gone for 13 days. We spent a week in FL with my dad and then flew from there to an island in the Caribbean where my mom's parents spend the winters.
DH and SS were supposed to go but at the last minute, DH became so overwhelmed with work and said he just couldn't go. :(
So DD and I had our vacation and came home on Wed. night to H*E*L*L.
I opened up my email inbox to a nasty email from BM saying she is sick of me controlling my husband and trying to make decisions about HER son and I need to mind my business, etc. I had NO IDEA what she was taling about! She and I have been pretty cordial, even friendly, for the last 6 months.
Well, it turns out that while I was gone my DH decided to bring up the possibility of SS staying back a year in school next year. This has been an issue/sore point for them for a year now. When SS started 1st this year, DH wanted him to repeat K, and the GAL even said that would be good, but then BM flipped about it, and went and enrolled him in 1st in her district...and then the whole court battle ensued, with BM finally settling in December. SS will start 2nd grade in our district in August.
He has really been struggling, somewhat academically, but more behaviorally/socially this year, just as he did in K. His teacher said he is very young---like a young kindergartener and he is in 1st. DH feels VERY strongly about him repeating 1st. I can't say I think it's a bad idea at all, but it certainly is not MY idea and I have not even really discussed it with DH at all. It truly is DH's "thing."
Somehow BM came to the conclusion that I am the driving force behind this.
I should have just ignored her email but I wrote back a very neutral, polite email saying that I was not involved in the decision, that I respected this decison as one that she and DH would make alone, and I said that it didn't affect me at all what they decided. I said my job is to handle decisions regarding my DD and I leave decisions regarding SS up to DH/BM. I apologized for any misconception she had that I was trying to influence my husband.
DH read the email and felt it was fine. Well, somehow it struck a chord with her and she wrote back saying it is obvious I do not care about SS, and have no love or compassion for him---and if I did, I would be advocating for him to NOT stay back. AUUUGHHHH. And that it is obvious that DH is comparing his son to my DD, and that is putting unfair pressure on SS.
Then she said she will no longer be speaking to me at functions, is blocking my email address, etc. And that my marriage and DD are far from perfect???? (not sure what that has to do with anything?)
DH thinks BM is incredibly stressed---their landlord terminated their month-to-month lease, giving them 30 days to find a place and move out. The house they selected is 10 minutes FARTHER away from us and the school SS will attend in the fall. Her Dh is still working out of state. DH thinks she is also off her anti-depressants b/c he said she has just been incredibly irritable and hard to deal with lately. Truly, she has horrendous mood swings where she just goes off in the deep end of rage----she lashes out, calls people names, hits below the belt, and then is FINE the next day.
SS's birthday is next week and his class party is on Sunday. I am DREADING this. I used to not be "allowed" to attend his bdays or other functions, per BM saying she was going to "claw my eyes out." I finally went to his 5th bday and it was HORRIBLE--BM and her entire family refused to speak to me. They had arranged chairs at a table for the adults and when I came to sit down, there was not one for me. I was not "allowed" to stand near him when he had his bday cake and blew out the candles. She told DH I was not allowed to be in any pictures. I tried to write down the presents (what was from who) and BM snapped at me to not do that as it was "not a baby shower" and I was "not his mother." Those were the only words she said to me the entire time. She and her sister stood there and snickered at me the whole party and later that day, she sent me an email saying I looked "fat and dirty" at the party and "couldn't I have worn something other than jeans to her son's party?" (Mind you--it was at a gymnastics center and I wore jeans and a nice black shirt, and she was in 3 in. heels.) WHATEVER.
Last year we were on better terms so the party was *okay,* awkward but okay.
I just don't feel I can handle this again. HELP. I told DH I didn't want to go, and he got angry, saying I have to go for SS. I guess I do but I am sick over this.
I know, I know--it shouldn't matter. But I just hate feeling so alone and outcast during these things. DH has no family---it will be BM, her parents, her sister, her aunt and uncle, etc. The kicker is---they will be nice as pie to DH and will give me the silent treatment. It's easy for ALL of them to blame me for everything--and make me out to be the bad guy.
I voiced all this to DH and he promised to be supportive and stay near me---but that's not really fair to him or SS, b/c SS will be wanting him AND his mom to be out bouncing with him, going down slides, etc. DH can say what he says but at the end of the day--I know it will be me standing there by myself, feeling and looking like a total outsider. That might sound immature or insecure---but I don't want to feel like that!
We are having a family party for SS on Sat. night w/pizza and my mom and her husband, cake, presents, etc.
Do you think it's neccessary for me to go to this thing on Sunday? I honestly doubt SS would care....I don't know. DH said it looks bad if I don't go.