I am new to the community but was hoping for some feedback. I am really at my wits end and just in tears quite a lot from my ADHD 14 yo stepson. I feel like this evil stepmom in his eyes because we got custody of him one month after we got married last year when his mom called to say she didnt want to deal with him anymore and we needed to come get him immediately that weekend. This child has never had much of any discipline, no rules whatsoever in her house. He ate what he wanted when he wanted, played video games whenever he wanted, had no bedtime at all; even during school days...and the list goes on. Along with his 12 page discipline report that came with him from his school last year. And there was the probation officer that had to ok him coming to live with us. His mother took him off of the meds he was on for several years because she decided once she moved that he didnt need them anymore.
When he first came to live with us, I actually liked him ok. Hewas the best behaved actually out of all three of hubbys kids. But as the time went on,he started resenting more and more the rules here and getting more and more defiant. There was never a thank you from him for anything. He expected to get whatever he wanted whenever he wanted and if not he would blow up and just throw a huge attitude fit. So more time than not, his dad would just give him whatever he wanted to shut him up....which led to problems between him and I. It was to the point of me saying for him to get him some counseling or I couldnt deal with it anymore. So we have started the counseling and he is back on the meds and at least his grades are improving finally after almost all F's in his classes. But there are still things going on at home that drive me crazy. He had a therapy session yesterday that I couldnt go to with both of them, normally I try to attend them all. My hubby said he told the Dr how his son would try to get a rise out of me and that I had been biting my tongue and ignoring him so he couldnt get to me, and how his son would then just move on to something more to irritate me and try even harder to get a reaction out of me. ( He does this crap often at that) One of our arguments is about food of all things. He constantly complains about EVERYTHING it seems that is cooked or prepared here. I actually cook dinner nightly and we all have dinner together ( his bm does not cook, she is the brownpaper bag queen according to hubby ) One of our biggest pet peeves is breakfast. He was having a horrible habit of eating dry cereal for bfast and then going to school and eating again at the cafeteria because he said he was still hungry. Well, that breakfast was coming out of our bank account adding up. Considering we have my son also whos lunch we have to also buy and then his son it was draining the money from his account quickly eating twice a day at school so we noticed his money was going quicker than my sons and we checked purchases at school and saw it online. His dad got on to him when we caught him doing it and told him he was not to eat breakfast at school again. That took us at least 3 months to get him to stop sneaking and getting it. His dad told him he would not eat the dry cereal for breakfast anymore because that was more of a snack than a meal and that he needed to put milk in it at least so it was filling him up. We also bought oatmeal for the boys so they have a choice of breakfasts. This weekend the stepson fixed himself a bowl of cereal, and had to run to the restroom and hubby and I noticed that you couldnt even see milk in it because there was so little, so hubby got the milk and put more in it. His son ate it when he came out and actually didnt complain. My complaint though is that I feel like I am the food police because it is always ME that has to point anything out or say anything and then I look like the bad person...with food or rule breaking or anything. This morning the ss took his meds with milk, and then poured what was left of the milk in his cereal. As usual you couldnt see the milk at all in the cereal. Now remember hubby added milk himself to ss cereal just this past weekend. So this morning when SS said some comment about how he drank his milk really fast it was different from schools, I made a comment to him that he was supposed to have put it in his cereal and not drank it all. Hubby flipped out on me and said he saw nothing wrong with what he had done and that I was never satisfied. He stormed out of the house arguing all the way out of the door. I just sat in stunned silence and started crying when he got out of the door. Some days I just want to throw in the towel honestly. I feel like this huge weight is on my shoulders because I feel like I am compared to the ex because when he was with her they didnt have any rules for the house. The kids pretty much did what they wanted, had no chores and got what they wanted when they wanted period. I have three children of my own also. One of mine is grown and has an infant that I watch a few days a week while she is working. I have my 6yo son here full time, who is now starting picking up some of the 14yos bad habits. Hubby has saw the stress that everything is doing to me, and has told me at times that he is overwhelmed also and thinks it may be best that his son go back to live with his mom ( who ironcially wants him back now that she has a car payment that we arent making for her after 8 months..ugh) I do not want the guilt though of that if he goes back to her house and ends up in trouble all over again and has no supervision there, and she would take him off of his meds all over again and get him no help. I just feel like I am at my wits end and dont know what to even do anymore with it all. Sorry for the novel here, im just so stressed out and unsure what to even do. :(