an outsiders opinion please
hi, i'm new to the forum and have two children from a previous marriage aged 17 and 11. i have a very amicable relationship with their father and the same MOST of the time with his partner who has one child living with them. when i say most of the time i don't agree with the fact that when she has a problem with one of my boys she has no qualms about a full scale argument with their dad within the childrens earshot and has made unreasonable requests of the children. but when it gets too frequent i have a word with their dad and it changes for a period of time. i'm trying to use this experience as the BM and how i feel about their SM behaviour to help me in my relationship. my partner has an 11yr old daughter who is lovely and her mother is always pleasant when i have seen her. the daughter is by no means the issue here. it is my partner or maybe me, i'm not sure. anyhow i only see my partner at weekends as we live a shortish distance apart, every other of which my children are here. he has his daughter every weekend.anyway i'm tending to find that things revolve a lot around his daughter which is fine MOST of the time. i have little niggles however that when something comes up i.e a party, or an event it is planned/agreed straight away that she will attend and then i am told that they may not be able to make it that weekend. most of the time i don't mind but i did make a stand at the weekend and said, well away from his daughter that i was a little fed up with being told afterwards when it was all agreed and should he at least not check that i didn't have anything planned for ALL of us before he agreed. his point was he was thinking of his daughter, my point was there are 3 children involved in this and what if i had something planned for all of us as a family and it was cancelled for her.a classic example is a family event on my side we were due to attend and they couldn't go as he planned something else afterwards. i know that i could and will still do something with my kids and will enjoy the time alone with them so it looks like i made a fuss for nothing but i just feel that a little respect for me and my children is needed here. 9 times out of ten i would have nothing planned and it would all be ok anyway but it is the principle now. what i haven't pointed out is that he has the most terrible memory and if i did have something planned and had told him he would forget which is why just a quick check wouldn't go amiss. he did apologise profusely and said it just never occured to him but things have been a little strained since.
please be honest and tell me if you think i was being unreasonable. i know we are lucky as this is our only problem altho i know as the children grow up this may not be the case but all families face that!