Decisions about children with SO
Ok, here is the situation. I am engaged to my SO who has a DD7 that lives with us every other week (50/50 with BM). She is a great kid that listens well and is far from spoiled or materialistic. My SO would love to have another child both for himself (he loves being dad) and also for his DD. I had never really had the desire for kids, but I became a nanny for some great kids right before meeting him and then my sister had a baby recently which got me thinking about the possibility. I realize also that many of (what I view as) downsides to having a child already exist in the situation of me becoming SM, so suddenly having my own baby feels like much less of a lifestyle change (sort of like I'm being eased in to it every other week).
I do worry however about a few things that I assume some of you have experience with:
Age difference/sibling rivalry - If we have a kid it will mean an 8, 9, 10+ year age difference, plus SD is an only child in both BP houses right now. Also, BM is most likely never going to have another child unless she dumps her fiance and marries someone with a lot more money (she works part time retail and he works a min wage job). Will this cause problems? She may have a few years before puberty to adjust, but when the teen years hit I worry about the feelings of jealousy and other irrational teenage emotions that might be aggravated due to a toddler being in the house.
Schedule/emotional management - How do you manage a schedule with a full time demanding infant and a somewhat self sufficient half time SD? I worry about it seeming that I care more about my BC. Also, I honestly think I will love my BC more than I will love my SD. Even though I know my SD's BM loves her to death and she has no need for a SM to "fill the gap" I worry that if I do love my own child more (since I am their only mom) I might become that evil step mom....
The BM - She tends to get jealous that we can provide more for SD. Bigger house, more gifts, etc. She gets mad at BD sometimes and uses shopping trips to try to buy SD's love which is so completely unnecessary (that little girl LOVES her BM, which I think is wonderful even though her BM feels insecure). She creates problems when it comes to holidays or special occasions and I worry that us having a child together will just make it worse.
I guess in general I feel open to the possibility of us building a family together and am happy that my SO wants to have a baby with me. We have discussed how having a child together would mean having one set of rules for all of the children (age appropriate of course) and he has been very open to allowing me to be active in the parenting of his daughter (he of course is the main disciplinary though). I feel good that we are working as a team on the parenting front, but I'm still incredibly nervous about taking the step of having a child when having a SD seems pretty scary on its own! Any thoughts or personal experiences with this type of thing would be helpful. Thanks!