Adult stepson is out of control.
My 20 yr old SS, soon to be 21 yr old SS, is tearing my family apart. His out of control antics started about 3 yrs ago, stealing, drug use, verbal abuse towards everyone in the family, and destruction of our home. My wife and I have been together for 14 yrs(married for 3 yrs). He has left home several times and always seems to come back, The last time was about a yr ago, in which he returned from about a 3 month stay with his father. That's the most time he spent with his father at one time since his mother and I have been together. He has tried community college that didn't work out, he now has a part time job with no bills other than for his pot. His mother seems to think that aint so bad "its only pot". But when you cant function without it its more than just pot. He has her convinced that he has some mental problems that he cant control his temper he doesn't know what he's doing when he looses his temper, at least that's what he says. He refuses to get help for his so called mental issues and thinks that pot is the only solution. My wife and I have a 12 yr old son together and all of this turmoil is definitely affecting him. She thinks that I'm being cold and uncaring when I tell her he must leave because he has nowhere to go. I feel like if since he has nowhere to go he should be doing everything possible to straighten his act up. This has pushed my wife and I to a point where I'm not sure we get through it together. I love her and don't want to separate but I cant continue to put my son in a situation where he might be hurt physically when my SS throws one of his temper tantrums. Any advice would help. Thanks.