Resenting my step son
After dating my boyfriend who lived across the country for 2 months he told me that he found out his ex was pregnant, I was I love and since he told me they were together a week before we started dating I stayed with him...eventually moving across the county to start a life with him. His son was born and I treated him as my own. They both became the center of my universe. We got married, got pregnant, miscarried, then pregnant again. We decided to move back east so we would have the support or our friends and family, his ex and son moved too as they had family there as well. We moved and 6 months later the ex and son followed.
After being apart from my step son for so long and having a baby of my own, my feelings changed towards him. I didn't feel the same as I had before. I began to dread his weekend visits. I became pregnant again, only to have the exact same due date as my husbands ex...all of a sudden I put the dates together and times didn't add up...4 years later and I questioned him which I had done in the past.....he always denied ever cheating on me, until then. The truth finally came out, he had cheated on me and got his ex pregnant....and slept with her several times as well as another woman...all before I moved across the country to be with him.
So here we are, 4 years into my marriage, 2 children of my own, lied to for 4 of the 6 years we've been together. I harbor anger towards my husband, I despise his ex and I cringe every time his son comes over. I don't know if this can be fixed. I'm heart broken that I feel this way towards a child I once loved as my own...how can I turn things around? I want to love him. I want to stay with my husband, I want to be normal...but honestly, I am truly the step mom from hell. Every time I look at him I see his mother...I see me being cheated on, I see lies....I don't know if I can get past this. My heart is broken and I dont know if I will ever be whole again...I'm desperate for help and guidance and pray everyday for the strength and courage to go on and fix my broken life.