Do you ever wish?

mom_of_2.5March 5, 2009

Please don't assult me with "you knew what you were getting into".

Today I just hate that she (the ex) exists.

Today I wish I could erase those years from my DH's life.

Anyone else ever feel that way?

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imamommy

Everyday!!!

I love him but yeah... I knew it was a package deal and the ex is always a part of the package. It doesn't make it easier to hold my tongue from asking him "what the hell were you thinking?"

    Bookmark   March 5, 2009 at 12:29AM
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believer

Yes, I have felt that way. I understand completely what you mean.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2009 at 1:00AM
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justnotmartha

If I could snap my fingers to lose her but keep my SD, my fingers would fall off from overuse.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2009 at 2:41AM
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mom2_1sm2_1

Yeah, I hear you there, but there is not much we can do as step parents. I know that there will always be things that bother us, but we have to take it day to day and hold our breath when we are feeling angry.
Lucky for me, I get along well with BM, but not so well with sons SM. I sometimes think she is hindering sons dad from being a good father. She wrote me a nasty letter telling me that he is not son's babysitter. I know that in the end he is the resposible one for his decisions, but I still believe she comes in between them.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2009 at 7:55AM
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lovehadley

YES.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2009 at 8:02AM
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sofrustrated

ME ME ME!! I think of this all the time!

It's wrong, I know but I wish that WE were the nuclear family, and not a stepfamily. I also can't stand to see pictures of the skids with their mom and thankfully, they don't have many. She took off and abandoned them and hopefully she will just fade out of their memory the less and less she is mentioned. My problem is that DH's mom will bring her up often (she thinks it's important for them to remember her - why I don't know when the woman is a total deadbeat that abandoned her kids, doesn't pay any support and doesn't even call to speak to them).

    Bookmark   March 5, 2009 at 11:54AM
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mom_of_2.5

Ah, it feels good to know I'm not alone.

I'm pretty sure my thoughts have stemmed from resentment when she cashed that CS check covering the two weeks I had him across the country on vacation that he tried his hardest to ruin with his negativity and bad attitude. Oh, and while I took the problem child cross country she threw the rest of her kids in the car and enjoyed a roadtrip with her family.

So, for a couple days I just wondered how life would be had my DH not had those years of his life.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2009 at 12:10PM
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silversword

Me too me too!! And I know he wishes it about my ex as well ;)

But then I realize that without that experience we would not be the people we are today. His ex is an awful woman, but he learned a lot from her. My ex is a loser, but I learned patience and to trust my instinct with him.

So, yes I do, but I'm grateful for the person I have now and wouldn't trade him for "10 years ago guy" for anything.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2009 at 12:34PM
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dm3sm3

I wish that everyday, sometimes many times a day.
not so much about my ex...he dont bother much. But my DH's ex drives my mad!!
Glad I'm not alone.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2009 at 1:15PM
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mollymcb

NO, I'm GLAD that my DH was married to such a stupid, selfish, self-centered person, since it makes me look even better! :-) I say this half-jokingly, as I definitely wish that part of his life never existed and that DSSs were ours together, but we do try to appreciate what we have together. Both DH and I wonder how he ever ended up with that woman and chalk it up to him being young and stupid!

    Bookmark   March 6, 2009 at 10:56AM
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finedreams

I am not married but every time SO's X sends ridicilous letters (no emails anymore lol) or upsets his DDs I do feel how much I dislike her. But i don't think every X is this way. I don't bother my X wiht anything and even get along with his wife, in fact I like her. I hope she does not wish i didn't exist. LOL

    Bookmark   March 6, 2009 at 4:24PM
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ceph

Sure.
There are certainly times when I wish we could erase DH's ex.
And I'm sure there are times she wishes she could erase me.
But mostly I chug along without wanting to erase her, just erase some of her parenting choices.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2009 at 4:37PM
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lamom

YES and her kids too

    Bookmark   March 6, 2009 at 6:53PM
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perdue2

Yes, everytime she tells my SD that I'm an a$$h**le; everytime she says "Good" when told that my DD called me a b**ch; everytime she tells my SC that I have no right to punish them (even though they live with DH and me FT, and that means 24/7, with no support, $ or otherwise, and I have to do all the "mom" things she should be doing for her "babies"). Yes, everytime she blows SD off to talk to SS(her favorite), making SD moody and the entire house on edge. She undermines me with all the negative messages she fills the kids heads with. And naturally because they get very little from their mother, they hang onto every word she says. And let's not forget everytime BM tells me that my DH will always be "her Bubba" (BTW...DH has a name, and it's not BUBBA!) I will never understand his attraction to such a loser.

See, when DH and I met, BM was not in the picture. She left them when SC were 3 and 4 yrs. old, moving 1000 miles away. She was a neglectful mother when she was here, so the kids were better off without her. They did not hear much from her, and saw her once about two years later(when DH took them to see her), then nothing. BM might call every few months, but did not visit for years. In that time DH and I met. The children were 10 and 11 at this time. I became close with his children, as that "mother figure" they were missing. Then when BM found out about me and that I would become their SM, she began calling more often, sending little "gifts", and planned a trip here. She decided that she is going to exercise her "parental rights", and DH does not have the b*lls to stand up to her. DH bought plane tickets for SC to spend 3 weeks with BM last summer(BM was going to pay us back for them...still waiting), thinking it would be "good for them". BM will do nothing and then act as if she and DH are acting as a team to raise them. It's been h*ll for me ever since. Add to that the fact that they are teenagers now, we are married, and my SC, DH, my DD and I all live under the same roof...it feels like a recipe for disaster. My relationship with the children has deteriorated to almost nothing now, and it is beginning to affect the relationship DH and I had. I'm frustrated, disappointed and lost...

Oh, did I mention my DD's SM? Oh wait, that's something for another post I guess!

    Bookmark   March 6, 2009 at 9:48PM
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pseudo_mom

I just wonder how many more years she can carry on with her plan to make everyone around miserable just to make herself happy.

I guess its pretty bad when DCF says you are trying to be supermom by degrading your ex's relationship with his children to prove you are the better parent. :)

At this point ... everyone involved sees through her charade and are now calling her on it. Courts, counselors, teachers, DCF, SS11 but not us we are done calling her on it. We don't have to anymore everyone else is doing it for us.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2009 at 2:17PM
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doodleboo

YES YES and YES!

The only useful thing that woman ever did was have the girls. After she had them she should of just dissapeared. She should of cashed in her chips while she was ahead. She has done absolutely nothing but ruin peoples lives including her children's since.

It's a horrible (but very true) thing to say but had she died while the girls were babies at least they could have positive memories of her. She gave BIRTH to you and then end of story. No abandonment, no dissapointment, no drugs or rehab or abusive boyfriends. No mind games or lies. No explainations needed. They wouldn't have all of these negative mommy issues:( They could just know she loved them and would be proud of them.

When I say she has ruined lives I totally mean it. ANyone who tries to help her or gets involved ends up going down with the ship. She has gotten people fired from jobs. She has pushed good people to the brink of LITERALLY choking the life out of her. She has been a key element in getting more than one person started on drugs and has prevented countless numbers from staying clean. She has broken up relationships between mothers and sons, husbands and wifes, boyfriends and girlfriends....you name it. She has alienated herself from her own family because she steals and lies. She sucks your resources like a sponge. She is a sick person who uses sick games to control people and situations.

She is what is referred to as a poison personality. Anything she touches turns to s***. She takes the beauty out of things and the good out of people. She brings out the worst in everything.

Call me harsh. I don't care. I have known this person for many years and have yet to see her do one bit of good for anyone...not even for herself.

    Bookmark   March 9, 2009 at 9:15AM
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mom2emall

Today is definately one of those days I wish I could erase my hubby's ex! I am frustrated because I was supposed to have a girls night out last Saturday night. Had all the kids going away for the night!!(DH works weekend evenings). So I was excited and all ready to go out...make-up on nicely and nice clothes. Most of the time I am in jeans and long sleeve t-shirts or sweatshirts and the pony-tail no make-up look!

Then my sd texts me and says she needs me to pick her up ASAP from her friends house. I call her and ask her why and she talks to me like I am making her come home because she is in trouble. I knew something was up...so I drove to pick her up.

Seems that her 2 friends wanted to sneak out of her friends home that night and go meet up with some boys. She did not want to be a part of it. I was so happy with her choice to have me pick her up...but bummed that I could not have my night out (though I did not let her in on that).

Times like this I wish BM had to deal with the kids for once and I could have a life beyond the kids!!

But if she was the one raising the kids I doubt my sd would have made the same decision...

    Bookmark   March 9, 2009 at 6:44PM
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finedreams

"But if she was the one raising the kids I doubt my sd would have made the same decision..."

good point. no night out sucks, but you know that you'd rather have this outcome. it is great that SD made that choice and I hope you told her how proud you are of her. And I hope your DH understands how lucky he is to have you as a wife (yeah men are often too obtuse to get it)

    Bookmark   March 9, 2009 at 6:58PM
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justnotmartha

Mom2 - you are awesome, and your SD is obviously so much better having you in her life. Kudo's to you for being there for her, and raising a girl with common sense!

    Bookmark   March 9, 2009 at 9:49PM
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lee_mo

God me help me, yes. and she can take her nutty ADHD ODD jealous, just-like-her kid who abuses MY wonderful child back with her. Too bad he lives with US.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2009 at 3:11PM
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mom_of_2.5

There is comfort in company :D

    Bookmark   March 12, 2009 at 11:09AM
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