Oh how BM never gets tired of her little games.. She will never change, I'm sure of it. I've been with my FDH for over 6 years, he's been divorced for 10, and still BM gets her kicks out of these sad little games. It would be laughable if it wasn't so detrimental to the skids upbringing. They are 13 and almost 15 and they are learning by example to treat their own dad in a poor way, it saddens me.
This is what happened: The skids had a basketball match, they knew we were coming to watch, we confirmed it with them 2 days ago. This means I drive for an extra half an hour and have to rush and for FDH it means asking his boss to finish 20 mins early and also extra driving. No probs with any of that. But then we get there and guess who are a no-show? Yep that would be the skids. No call, no text, and of course an irritated coach who comes to question us where the girls are? All FDH can say is that he's wondering the same. Then ring BM, straight to voicemail of course. As this has happened so many times in the past, we know the drill. The skids usually tell us later on how funny BM thought it was that we drove all that way, hahaha.
Honestly, after 6 years of this, I'm kinda getting a bit tired of it. Do you really still get a kick out of this BM? How sad does that make you?
Doesn't she realise how she's teaching the kids that it's ok to let the team down, to not even bother cancelling? Bad manners.
The hard thing is to decide what to do about it. It makes us angry, but if we show that to the skids it goes straight back to BM, who's loving every minute of it. So you don't want to give her the satisfaction, or the message that it pushes our buttons. So then what? Suck it up, pretend it's no big deal? Also not that great, because then the kids get the message it's ok to treat their own dad this way. It really is a catch 22.
My solution is to change the rules of this game. Give the skids some responsibility in all this, they're old enough. So far FDH has been contacting them one or two days prior (when they always say they should be going..) so we go to the game hoping that the skids are there. But things always change last minute (because it's a game for BM). So instead FDH should tell them to confirm with him on the day if they're really playing. If they confirm, we go, if not, we don't go. A simple text message will do. Simple, right?
If anyone has any other tips I'm interested to hear them. I know lots of us deal with these kinds of issues ;-)