just venting its long sorry

cat38February 25, 2009

I have not posted anything for a while. But I have got to vent to someone sorry if I babble, I think Im actually going crazy......

A little info cuz I know there are a lot of new moms on here...

I have been married to my DH for about 17 months he has a 6 year ols from his previous marriage.

I have a 20 year old and an 16 year old both girls and my 11 year old nephew whom I have had for 5 years... (there no hope for his mother either)

DH and his ex have 50/50 custody and unfortunately we live 5 houses away from her... No I did not know either of them before and they were split for 6 months before I met DH...

My problem today is that my ss has been sick on about 5 different antibiotics in 45 days... hes been on a breathing machine for wheezing for 3 years along with the steroids that come with the cough...

I suggested to my DH that ss cold have asthma and he should go to see a specialist.. he agreed so the next time he got sick (which was 2 days later) BM had him and kept him home from school again... DH called her and said that they needed to take hime to a specialist because he was missing to much school and that he was sick of all the medications that their son was on with out getting any answers from the doctor as to why he was always sick...

Well she refused to take him to the doctor so DH made the appointment for the next day which was his day, we took him (I only went because she refused to go and my ss wanted me their so I could not say no) I do try very hard not to interfer with them being parents to their son...

the doctor did all kids of tests and said your son has full blown asthma and the test results were concerning because he was not breathing through his nose hardly at all. So the doctor also said he would like BM there so that they could be on the same page with his medications.. She said we brain washed the doctor and they the doctor was wrong and that she would take him to her own doctor when she had time (its been a month, DH called and got an appointment the same day)

Did I mention that she lives with her parents and boyfriend who smoke heavily in the home.. Oh yeah shes also an RN that why I cant believe what she is doing... She refuses to take him to the doctor and she refuses to move into her own place (she does not smoke) but her boyfriend and her dad does.

I just do not know what to do, I am sick knowing that she has no worries about her sons health.. Her other child that she had as a result of an affair she had when she was married to my DH is also sick alot... I know I just took a dag oopppps sorry :)

I just dont know what to do.... any suggestions Im at my witts end with all of this stupid drama...

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Sorry to hear about your troubles cat, frustrating situation.

Maybe the doctor that diagnosed your ss can send this information to BM and also to 'her' doctor. It is very important that she knows how to do the medications, but first she has to be convinced that he really has asthma. I would see what happens when her doctor gets the info and see if she's then going to accept it. If not, it will be a battle I'm afraid. I don't know what you could do besides drastic measures (like go for full custody by proving SS is in danger (with his health) by staying in house with smokers around).

However, of course this is not something to jump on just like that. Very frustrating for you guys and I'm sorry for your ss.

My skids have always been exposed to heavy smoking in the house, BM smoked through the pregnancy as well actually.
So in winter time she'll still have her smoke in the car but because it's cold she'll have only one window open just a little bit..kids looking green in the back..lovely..
And now BM has another baby, smoked right through the pregnancy again and is still puffing away in the lounge. You know what she says to the skids? "Pls go to another room now if you don't want to breath in the smoke". Somehow makes it the skids choice to be exposed to it, nice one BM!

Good luck with it, try getting these doctors on the same page first and go from there!

    Bookmark   February 25, 2009 at 11:57PM
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If I were you I would take the child to another specialist and get a second opinion. If you get the same results from specialist #2 I would take both results to bm and say something needs to be done!

If not can't you call child services about your concerns?

Also have you seen an allergist? Allergy shots do wonders for asthma!

    Bookmark   February 26, 2009 at 9:46AM
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My son weezed a lot and was hospitalized several times with pnumonia. My first guess was that your SS has chronic lung disease - such as my son. He is now on two inhalers twice a day everyday and has a nebulizer for administering emergancy meds for when it is in between doses and he needs a little more help clearing his airway.
My son also comes home from his dad's weezing like he has not had all of his medications. I know how you feel it is frusterating.
My best advice is to document everything and call CPS, let them know what is going on. You can't be messing around with severe astma, if he needs meds he needs meds. If you know that the situation is neglectful and something happens to him you could be held liable as well.

    Bookmark   February 28, 2009 at 8:39AM
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Yah that's bad..
Cat38, the next time you take him to the doctor and the doctor states the situation. tell him that bm will not give meds and has not taken her son for a second opinion. There are smokers in the house.
Dr. can call child services and have her investigated since she is a RN. Which is alarming to say the least that she would not acknowledge the signs and symptoms. To top it off, you can't brain wash a doctor when he's run routine tests...lol..an rn should know this.
My husband agrees, you call Child services immediately and get all the health records, letter for the doctor. And do not send the child back to a smoking environment. Also get the nurses association involved to investigate mother dear.
Yes, it will get very ugly. But he'res the alternative. You do nothing. And God forbid your Ss passes in his sleep if its as dangerous as you describe.
My husband said this to me ' he'll pass away in his sleep eh'...that is veyr dangerous.
Is his breathing worse after he comes to your home from mom's??? does it get better when he stays longer at your place?
I wish you all the best, I know your in a tough position, but your SS is sick and he needs help.
I just cannot understand why a mother would allow her child to be on so much medication. If the third antibiotic didn't work on my child i'ld go to the emergency.
This did happen to my son by the way. He had an eye infection, then an ear infection, then it came back...and then by the 4th week his eye was infected again. I took him to emergency and they said it was a flesh eating bacteria and he also had Septisemia. Straight IV antibiotics. It cost me 400 /day for the treatments for 10 days....thank God i had visa to place the costs and then my insurance gave me back the money and i repaid visa. It was scary.

    Bookmark   March 1, 2009 at 9:23AM
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DH finally convinced the ex that she needed to be at the doctor vistit to for the second opinion.. She wanted to go to a local doctor that does not speacialize in children, DH said no its only and hour drive to the doctor that only sees kids... She agreed after several phone calls...

My ss's health is my concern, I could care less about what bio mom thinks right now... With her allowing her children to live in this environment is sick. Last night I was reading the posts from some of you (THANK YOU) needless to say I did not sleep at all.

I did not want to get child services involved, but I can not let my ss suffer anymore. We have paid out so much money in attorneys fees and doctors that it has really put a strain on our marriage.
So today I have 2 doctors stating that my ss should not be living in a home with secondhand smoke and that its damaging his lungs even more. (Bio mom says give me a break hes fine) Well news flash if he was fine he would not need to be on all these medications to breath.

We are requesting an emergency hearing to get full custody until she can change her living arrangements, and DH is requesting that her visitation be limited until she moves. I just hope this will work and the judge wont believe her lies, which she is very good at....

Thanks for letting me vent again and thank you very much for your comments.


    Bookmark   March 2, 2009 at 2:25PM
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I hope judge does the right thing and gets SS out of that house. Poor child. Good luck! let us know how the hearing goes.

    Bookmark   March 2, 2009 at 3:21PM
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Bm can lie all she wants but your SS health records will stand alone and of themselves. The judge just needs to look at his records to know that his health is being affected and 2 doctors giving advice will weight heavily with the judge.
How long has she lived with her father? She's an RN...who's salary should be well off to not live at daddy dear's house....and smoking? Its a proven FACt that smoking,,,even second hand smoke causes cancer, emphasemia, COPD and asma..and thats just a short list....She's an RN...where did she get her degree? A crackerjack box?!
I honestly hope the judge does see through this and keeps your SS in a clean environment.

    Bookmark   March 3, 2009 at 2:34PM
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She does make more than enough to live on her own, she is just to lazy because if she lives on her own she has to get the kids up all by herself and drop them off before work... Im not really sure what crackerjack box she recieved her nursing degree in, but they should recall all of them...

Her mom gets my SS up and dressed and DH picks him up at 7am on his days... Then her mom takes her other child to daycare because she works to early... BM is full of excuses one after another it gets old....

Im ready to wash my hands of all of this crap and move away, at least thats what part of me wants to do .. the other part of me wants to make her grow up and realize that after you have kids its not about you anymore its about whats best for the kids...

    Bookmark   March 4, 2009 at 9:12AM
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