25 year old stepdaughter and son living with us

sick_of_it_allFebruary 11, 2010

I wondered what I should do about my stepdaughter who showed up on our doorstep with her then 2 year-old son, and has mooched off us for a year now. She has a horrible attitude, blames her father (my hubby) for her whole miserable life... when in actuality it was her mother who basically abandoned her and her sister, then mentally abused them when they did see her. My hubby and I raised them, I loved them like my own, and my hubby is a wonderful father... totally involved in their schools and extra-curricular activities from pre-school until graduation from high school. We gave them everything, our whole lives revolved around them. They are both now 27 years old and 25 years old and the most selfish people I've ever met. They treat their father like dirt, and the 25 year old who lives with us is especially horrible. She is very irresponsible, and should never have had kids. Her first baby was adopted by her mom after he was born, when the stepdaughter was basically homeless and NEVER once went to the doctor during her pregnancy. She got pregnant right away again, and decided she should make a go of it with her idiot boyfriend (the other baby's father too) and keep this baby. We'd moved about 5 hours away from all this a couple of years before (the happiest years of my life), and then they moved about an hour from us right before the second baby was born. I was ok with it, because I figured it was far enough away from her drama, but close enough to visit the baby. The arrangement lasted 2 years, then her boyfriend who was just as much an irresponsible idiot as she is, decided he'd had enough of her and brought her to our door. She is the biggest slob you've ever seen... always been that way, totally disrespectful, mean, and a horrid mother. She has no idea how to raise a child. Her son is exhibiting anxiety when she is around (which is all the time since she doesn't work), and is just miserable until he's alone with us. We love him dearly, and don't know how we can throw her out (which she deserves) when we have to consider him too. I know she is using him as her ace in the hole to act however she wants and know she won't have to leave. Both my hubby's and my health have deteriorated from the stress, and I no longer even want to go home. We are about to lose our home, I am working 9-hours to fight to keep it, hubby is unemployed and has to be around the horror at home every day. She has been the cause of stress, drama, and family rifts since she was a little girl. I don't know what to do any more and I can't take much more. Help!

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Why isn't this girl working? she should not be allowed to live rent free. she is clearly sleeping around and having babies with whoever offers. since her mother abandoned her and was abusive, SD is looking for love elsewhere, how sad for her children. and I suspect her father was not as excellent father as you think otherwise both children would not grow up selfish and irresponsible.

she needs therapy, career counseling, education, parenting classes and kick in the butt. I take it that baby's father is not around, if you observe her being unfit mother maybe she should not have custody? I wonder if her baby is better off without her. i would start documenting how she treats her child. she is messed up and would be a pity to see her baby growing up messed up as well. something needs to be done to stop this cycle. i bet it is not the last baby either.

    Bookmark   February 11, 2010 at 7:47PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

She needs a job.
Hubby needs a job.

You need to set a reasonable time frame for her moving out. 3 months should do it.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2010 at 11:19AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

"Her son is exhibiting anxiety when she is around (which is all the time since she doesn't work), and is just miserable until he's alone with us. We love him dearly, and don't know how we can throw her out (which she deserves) when we have to consider him too"

If you believe she is being negligent or abusive in any way toward this baby, please call child protective services and report it.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2010 at 11:34AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

try to set bounderies and expectations if your hubby supports this it might work...include what she needs to do better for the child and being a better mom,,if she can't meet the needs of this child make her realize it so she can decide if she wants to be a parent or not, most likely if she does not want the resposibility and if u push her she will leave without the child.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2010 at 5:07PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

"Her son is exhibiting anxiety when she is around (which is all the time since she doesn't work), and is just miserable until he's alone with us."

If he's anxious when you're around, what do you think happens when you aren't around?

Obviously he needs to be separated from his mother, but I think you need legal advice;
if this were a neighbor, I'd say call CPS, but this is your grandchild, & once CPS steps in, you won't have any control over anything.

The case worker could put him into foster care with strangers, & your good intentions would be of no use.

I wish you the best.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2010 at 6:03PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Choosing Cats over Friends
Sorry, I'm posting this here because I don't know where...
Venting and disengaging
Since the horrible experience of my step daughter's...
Too much?? advice please
Hi. I am a Mum of 2- one being a step child, I am 27...
If I could tell mothers of adult stepchildren anything, Part 2
It seems my five-year-old topic has reached its limit...
Post Partum Depression Because of Step-Grandmother?
I have a 5 year old boy and a 4 month old girl. I was...
Sponsored Products
Equine Outdoor Lamp
$296.00 | FRONTGATE
Sterling Finesse 5475-48-G72 47.625W x 70.3125H in. Grafite Glass Shower Door -
$725.99 | Hayneedle
Monorail 2 Inch Square Canopy Dual Feed
Red 3528 LED Strip Light 60/m 8mm wide Foot
12'' Mad Dadder Square Cake Pan
$26.99 | zulily
Multi Basket by Menu
$104.95 | Lumens
Diamond Sofa Glass Leg Cocktail Table with Java Veneer Top In Java Veneer
Beyond Stores
Nico Bronze One-Light Halogen Wall Sconce with Opal Stone Glass
$162.00 | Bellacor
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™