The Step-grandson Problem

LadyCarolineFebruary 28, 2013

Here's the situation, my husband's grandson is turning 4 years old in November of this year. My husband told me he caught his son beating the child but he really doesn't want to call childrens' services due to his fear of getting his son in trouble. My husband also told me the his son has a drinking problem and so does the girlfriend neither has the patience to take care of the boy as he still isn't potty trained. My in-laws are the great-grandparents and both are sickly though once in a great while my mother-in-law babysits him. My husband is worry that the boy will be put in foster care if the beatings are discovered. As my husband is a over the road truck driver he wants us meaning me to take on raising the child full time. I have no intention of doing that. How can I get my husband to realize foster care and possibly adoption by another family would be the best thing for us all?

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readinglady

And somehow foster care is worse than a child being beaten?

I don't know the system in your state, but in most states, reporting does not automatically mean removal from the home. There may be various forms of intervention first, depending upon conditions and the severity of the circumstances. Normally, efforts are made to maintain ties to the birth family and if foster care is called for, to return the child to his home as soon as practicable.

For adoption to take place, the parents would have to surrender the child or, in a severe case, a judge would have to declare the family unfit. That's a long process, so I think you're jumping ahead a bit.

Even if your step-grandson were in foster care, usually efforts are made to maintain family ties, and contact with grandparents and/or visitation wouldn't be that unusual.

Of course, every state is different, and I'm speaking generally.

I would recommend contacting someone with experience in these issues and counseling with them on the options available.

I do understand your concern that your husband wants you to take on the responsibility. Easy for him to say.

I don't think you can just ignore the issue, though. Children sometimes end up dead.

    Bookmark   March 1, 2013 at 2:07AM
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sylviatexas1

so how many more beatings would this child have to endure before you decided the abuse was important enough to put a stop to it?

How many more days & nights would he have to spend in terror?

In Texas, you and your husband would be in jail for failure to report child abuse; even stodgy old backwards Texas realizes that children must be protected from beatings.

I urge you in the strongest possible way to report this to the police as well as child welfare.

Children's services are often so overworked that it takes precious time, during which, as readinglady says, children sometimes end up dead.

Please make that phone call at once.

    Bookmark   March 1, 2013 at 9:58AM
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LadyCaroline

As a follow-up, I don't want to get involved in this situation and I don't give a damn about the kid other than the fact that I don't want it in my house. Children as young as that can be messy, dirty, and get in the way of my work and me time. I'm not asking for advice to deal with the child or a few spankings, I'm asking for advice to approach my husband logically to avoid my having to waste any more time on yet another child that I don't want. This kid could be a long awaited adoptable son to people would want him and actually care about him.

    Bookmark   March 2, 2013 at 12:45AM
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readinglady

"I don't want it in my house."

Just share your last post with your husband. I think he'll get the picture.

    Bookmark   March 2, 2013 at 3:30AM
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colleenoz

Wow. What a charmer you are. Please call child services: no child deserves to be in the situation your husband's grandchild is in. I won't call him your "step grandchild" because that would imply you are a "step grandmother", and IMO you are no kind of grandmother at all.

It is a pity your own parents did not have the same attitude to children that you have.

    Bookmark   March 2, 2013 at 8:26AM
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sylviatexas1

There's no way to convince a grandfather "logically" that his grandchild is a nasty uncivilized stray & you won't have it in your house.

Best way to get rid of it is to call Child Protective and police.

    Bookmark   March 2, 2013 at 10:51AM
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LadyCaroline

Thank you Colleenoz. :D You see my situation. I don't see myself as a *grandmother* at all to this child. I don't think it's fair of my husband trying to make this a problem for me to deal with. I generously call him that on here, truth be knew he's a bast*rd child in which my husband son is said to have fathered.

    Bookmark   March 3, 2013 at 12:26PM
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readinglady

You can report this situation anonymously to Children's Services. Under the circumstances foster care is clearly the better option.

    Bookmark   March 3, 2013 at 2:26PM
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sylviatexas1

See link below for OP's *only* other post since she joined GW.

Here is a link that might be useful: Toxic Stepmother & Proud of It

    Bookmark   March 3, 2013 at 4:08PM
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colleenoz

What I see, Lady Caroline, is a self-obsessed poor excuse for humanity. What with a father who abuses him, a mother who presumably isn't protecting him, a grandfather who also isn't protecting him and a grandfather's wife who is a poisonous b*tch, the sooner that poor mite is out of that toxic family the better for him. The rest of you can all wait for karma to catch up with you.

    Bookmark   March 3, 2013 at 4:32PM
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sylviatexas1

Colleen, I don't know that "LadyCaroline" is telling the truth about anything that happens in her life.

She starts out with a bad-sounding story, & when that doesn't get a rise, she escalates, & then she escalates, & then she "thanks" you, supposedly for being sympathetic to her situation, & then she calls this hypothetical child a "bas-t#rd)".

It's all baloney, inflammatory, trollish baloney.

    Bookmark   March 3, 2013 at 5:46PM
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sylviatexas1

Colleen, I don't know that "LadyCaroline" is telling the truth about anything that happens in her life.

She starts out with a bad-sounding story, & when that doesn't get a rise, she escalates, & then she escalates, & then she "thanks" you, supposedly for being sympathetic to her situation, & then she calls this hypothetical child a "bas-t#rd)".

It's all baloney, inflammatory, trollish baloney.

    Bookmark   March 3, 2013 at 8:55PM
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emma

We have had 2 or 3 children die here in my state in the last year from abuse. When someone is out of control it will only get worse if they don't get help.

I tried to get custody of one of grand daughters when she was a baby. She was not abused just abandoned for a week or two with a sitter. If the parents were deemed unfit, the child protective service would like nothing better than to have a grandparent step in and take the child. There might be a temp separation until it can all be investigated. In my case the other grandmother who lived in the same area they did, got custody of all three of my son's kids.

    Bookmark   March 3, 2013 at 9:28PM
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LadyCaroline

EmmaR, Thank you but the girlfriend's parents won't take in the kid either. My husband and I are financially better off but my husband is rarely home and I have a life.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 3:04PM
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imamommy

You never know Caroline (sorry I can't call you a lady) but I was granted custody of my grandson and his other grandparents are much better off financially.. in fact, I am a single parent to him now. Thankfully, his other grandma is a heartless b!tch such as yourself and didn't want him either. He is a joy to my life EVERY DAY.... and he is my life.

You may think you have a life but really, sounds like your family is late for the next taping of Jerry Springer. I'll pray for that child, if he does indeed exist since I tend to agree, you just sound like a troll.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2013 at 1:35AM
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emma

Lady Caroline, you should do what is best for yourself and you might want to keep those choices to yourself, but you probably know that now. I would report the abuse. I reported my grandsons being left at home alone when they were preschoolers so the parents could go party. They did not leave them alone again and they didn't lose their boys.

I also called to report my neighbor because I heard the son screaming, no mommy, don't mommy. The screaming and crying was not as simple as that sounds. The rep asked me all kinds of questions and she did not like that the children were not allowed to go outside very often and never alone. She said that was a real sign of abuse. They couldn't go out without more evidence. They moved shortly after that and I called their new school and told them to have the nurse keep an eye on them for bruises.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2013 at 2:40PM
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LadyCaroline

Thank you EmmaR. I know my opinion of having to deal with a step-grandchild isn't popular on here but I am being honest about my not wanting to waste my life raising somebody elses child. I think the responsibility of raising this child should be that of my husband's son and not my husband and certainly not me. I'm all for my husband spending time with the kid if he wants to when he's in the area and I am sure if the boy is in fostercare that my husband can make arrangements to see him.

    Bookmark   March 12, 2013 at 6:28PM
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justmetoo

LCaroline...it's not not wanting to raise a grandchild, step or biological, that's not 'popular'.It's the cold hearted attitude about an innocent child that you seem to delight in baiting with that is not 'popular'.

--"I don't want to get involved in this situation and I don't give a damn about the kid other than the fact that I don't want it in my house".--

You don't give a d*mn about a child being abused. Your husband cares, but not enough to rat out his son. A drunken abusive child beater.

--"he really doesn't want to call childrens' services due to his fear of getting his son in trouble--

"My husband is worry that the boy will be put in foster care if the beatings are discovered."--

For Pete's sake, do the child a favor and pick up the phone yourself before the drunken fool really hurts the little boy. Why instead run to a forum? You have a computer, look-up your state's child abuse hotline number and dial it. I seriously doubt you have anything to fear that somehow the child will be placed with you...one home interview with you and child protective services will flee from you in a d*mn big hurry.

    Bookmark   March 12, 2013 at 7:11PM
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