Something on the 'Is This Normal' got me thinking...
KKNY said - "If my Xs SO were complainin about my child's college application, etc., I would say she is overstepping her role."
Let's say DH and I are hanging out talking about various things and SD comes up, and I say something to the effect of "I'm worried about SD because blah, blah, blah" or maybe I say "It bothers me when SD blah, blah, blah."
Is that overstepping?
Here's the deal...part of being married is being able to confide safely in the other person. I WANT my DH to be able to talk to me about things, but he should be able to listen as well. DH should know (and if he doesn't I've already failed at this marriage after only 6 months) me well enough to know that anything I say about SD or his relationship (or lack of) with her comes from a place of love, and that I only want the best for both of them. I know that about DH's relationship with DS. Even when I think DH is being too hard on him, I still know that he loves him and wants what's best for him.
IMO, "overstepping" wouldn't be complaining on some internet forum or even talking to DH. The only "overstepping" would be if I talked to BM or SD.
What I find the most interesting about this statement is that in the other thread, Caphillsm never mentioned talking to BM or SS about anything other than re-writing the thank-you letter. She said she talked to DH about the other stuff (unless I missed it).
If I am correct, what KKNY is saying is that SMs should never talk to their own husbands about their husband's kids; SMs should cook and clean for the kid(s), but are to never say anything about them to DH.