DD wants to live with dad and SM
This has been building for a while and now has come to a head. My DD 13 wants to live with her dad. Long story short a few months back I drew the line in the sand with controlling step-mother. Since then all hell has broken loose. Now ex and SM are deliberatly letting DD do what she wants. I say no....they say yes. I took away DD's cell phone for disrespecting me and failing to do a few things I had really needed her to do. Which rarely do I ask her to do anything. Anyway, totally disrespected me. In front of SM I told my DD why she was in trouble and so-on, as things often get misconstrude.I did that so that both DD and SM were clear what my expecations were. So took DD's cell phone for the week. It was her week to be at dad's. They gave her a cell to have and sent me an email and said that they didnt think she should be punished so they gave her an extra phone. In that same email, oh by the way she wants to live with us. The week before it was an issue concerning makeup. She is in 7th and the agreement is mascara or eyeliner but not both. They put it on so dark, so I figured one or the other was a fair compromise. I saw her at her cheer game and she had gobs of makeup on. I questioned her as to why and she told me SM said she could. (keep in mind SM and I were on same page before I drew the line) I questioned SM and she said that X said DD could wear makeup. That is a load of crap! He never cared about any of this stuff and seriously doubt he does know. I spoke to X earlier this week about trying to be alittle more conservative on these types of things and not just handing over the car keys without any experience if you know what I mean. I also discussed the fact that I would like to do the things with my daughters that moms do when the time is appropriate. I mentioned tampons as an example of something my DD and I will work thru together. Stupid me! So guess who is allowed to wear tampons now as of this week? I know some of this may sound very trivial because I know that some people on here have some very serious concerns with their co-parents. There is alot more to the story but we'd be here all day. My problem...SM's kids have some very serious behavior problems. Oldest went to mental facility for cutting, got busted for stealing and youngest has some sexual issues. Soooo since my ex chooses to let the SM run the show like I did when we were married (one reason for divorce), I am frankly pissed that her morals/values etc. are being pushed on my kids. She dresses like a hooch, has her parents buy her whatever she wants(material girl) and they pay their bills when they don't have money (as margaritas and car partsare more important). So essentially when my kids come back to my house and things come up I have to steer them in the right direction and try to undo these ideals that my kids think are okay. This all makes them come off like disneyland parents and me the bad guy. Which then leads to now my daughter wants to live with her dad because I never let her do anything.
I am headed to counseling tonight to begin a process of sessions with my daughter. My fear is that unless dad and I get on the same page or atleast in the same ball-park this is going to be a nightmare for the next several years. I've asked him to go to counseling with me so we can figure out how to co-parent together. His wife's response was that I am still in love with him and the fact that I hate her so much is because I can't have him and that is the issue not the kids. (Note: I asked for the divorce and was over him long before that) His response is that I can't handle that SM makes decisions with my kids as she is his wife and they are a team. I think his statement is true to some degree. Am I supposed to sit by and have some morally corrupt woman raising my kids and be happy about it? Keep in mind SM and I attempted to be "friends" on two points in the last 6 years so I know enough about her to have this judgement. Plus I think it is his responsiblity to co-parent with me on what WE agree is right for our kids. Her words "we are going to start raising your girls like I do mine". WTF? That scares me to death and X who damn well knows what he should be doing, does nothing and let's SM pull the puppet strings.
I know I cannot control the rules at their house....but this playing games crap because SM is mad at me is really sad for my girls. Not sure there is a correct answer for any of this, but I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.