I just need a vent... again!
So yesterday, I stayed home with SD & DGS while DH worked. About 15 minutes before DH gets done at work, SD asked if she can play outside, I said yes. I figured she wanted to greet her dad. DH came home from work & she stayed outside with him while he did a few things in the garage, etc When they came in, she asked to call her mom. No answer. Then she goes over to DH & whispers something so I couldn't hear her. He said no. She starts whining & that annoyed me so I asked her what she wants? She says "nothing". I asked her what she asked dad, she said she wants him to play a board game with her. I might have dropped it, but I didn't....
(Friday was the last day of the trimester at school, she got 2- D-'s and 2- F's. She continues to lie about whether she did her work, does not turn it in & spends her free time playing. If she's told to study, she will say she is done with everything & her grades are improving... more lies)
Well, I proceeded to tell her "how can you expect your dad to drop what he's doing & go play a game with you when you won't do what he asks you to do?" She just looked at me for a minute & said (with a touch of attitude) "uh, I don't NEED to get good grades!" and then, split second later (I guess hearing it come out of her mouth, had second thoughts) "well, I DO have to get good grades... but, I shouldn't have to get good grades to spend time with my dad!" "Well no, you spent time with daddy outside for the last hour & half. Your dad doesn't HAVE to go sit & play a game with you, just because you WANT. You don't seem to care what HE wants when you continue to ignore what he wants, which is to do your work & turn it in."
So, she goes to her room muttering under her breath.
I cook dinner, spaghetti & garlic bread. I left the kitchen for a couple of minutes & when I came back, she had served herself & was sitting at the table. DH was also sitting eating. I was in the kitchen serving my plate & she turns to DH and quietly asks if she can go get some of the garlic bread that I had just taken out of the oven. He told her it's not ready, I guess he didn't see me take it out of the oven. So, I told her that I thought it was rude for her to ask her dad for it when I am the one cooking dinner & I am the one standing in the kitchen taking the bread out of the oven.
I know these things may sound trivial, but the day to day stuff is SO annoying. The whispering or talking so low to make sure I can't hear what she's saying. Even when she asked for the bread, she said it very quiet & the only reason I know she asked is because when he came to get his bread, he told her now it's ready. (& I did tell him that he needs to recognize when she is being rude to me & call her on it) That has been one reason that I sometimes eat early when I am feeding DGS & let DH cook their dinner when he gets home so I have nothing to do with it.
It's just so frustrating because she's been talked to by both of us. It goes in one ear, out the other. It is SO uncomfortable in our house, it's horrible. If I go to my room to use the computer for a few minutes, she comes out of her room & stays on DH's heels, wherever he is in the house. If I come out of my room, she hurries back to her room & stays there. If I'm in the livingroom, she stays in her room until I leave. When I come back, runs back into her room.... like I'm a virus she might catch. It's very irritating. I've contemplated staying in my room to watch TV in the evening, but then it feels like I've been banished to my room because she will come out of her room & ask to watch TV with DH in the livingroom. DH is at a loss of how to stop her from doing that because we've both talked to her about it & she still does it, so he ignores it & lets her stay in her room. He doesn't understand how it makes me feel because she doesn't do that to him, it's only when I come in the room. His answer is to just let her go to her room, and that's fine. But it still makes me feel uncomfortable in my own home & he either doesn't get that... and/or doesn't know what to do about it.
and it's gotten to the point that when I say anything to her, no matter what it is, she shoots me a death stare. I was a little surprised she continued to whine & argue with me when I told her about her not doing what DH wants her to do, but she wants him to do stuff with her... when SHE wants.
How much of this is normal 12 year old stuff because my DD never talked back to me, rolled her eyes at me, or did any of the stuff I thought she would when she became a teenager. She is almost 21 & occasionally gets a teen attitude with me in the last year or so, but she kinda skipped over being a traditional teen. SD has definitely had that teen attitude for a couple of years & it scares me to think that it will get worse because I can't hardly stand being around her now.
Oh yeah, BM just moved to a much smaller house that they've all been complaining about... SD told DH last night (after knowing for the last three weeks) "did you know we're moving to a smaller house?" as if she lives with her mom, not us. It's just one more thing that makes it less likely she will ever go live with her mom. I know it's not as if BM has shown any interest in having SD move with her since the last court hearing.. two years ago, which was only a half ass attempt to get out of paying support, plus the fact that she now has become busy with the baby for the last year, but now moving to a smaller house makes it pretty much a certainty that it will never happen & SD still talks as if she is just visiting us. It really is so sad for SD but driving me crazy at the same time.