How do you 'unspoil' a child?
To recap; I'm a SM to SS7 and SS11, DH and I also have DSNB, DS1 and DS2 all five kids live with us full time. The problem that keeps coming up is he thinks I'm a lot more of a hard a** on the older boys and it keeps causing us to argue. I think I have a different set of expectations for them because they are older and their father spoils them silly. These boys only have 1 chore which is putting their clothes away after I fold them and put them on their bed. If I request anything else like turn off the tv before you go to sleep, bring your dishes to the kitchen when you're done with them etc.. I'm asking 'too much' and they pitch a fit. They'll complain that their brothers don't have to do this stuff, well they are still very little in my mind and don't have near the material items the older ones do. Mostly because I don't want them to grow up feeling entitled to everything, I still believe in earning rewards etc..and I worry when I see the older kids just 'expect' to get 300 dollar game systems for every birthday and go out to eat all the time and not have to do ANYTHING around the house etc..
Example of a situation: I put the babies to bed and sat down in the living room to watch a show I had recorded, SS11 comes in and opens the dvd player and puts a movie in. I ask him what he's doing and he says 'Dad said I could watch a movie' and I said well you are going to have to watch it in your room I'm already watching this. He says but I want to watch it on the big screen, I say I'm sorry not right now. So he throws it down and says just forget it then and stomps off. Now, this child has a 32 inch TV (along with everything else) in his bedroom, not exactly a small screen..I think this is a pretty good example of him behaving in an overly spoiled manner, his dad just shrugs it off. Or if I don't let him play video games ALL DAY LONG on the weekend he slams around the house and gets extremely mouthy. I just have no idea how to fix this, they appreciate nothing we get them and do not take care of their things (they have broken countless video game controllers etc) SS7 has lost TWO gameboy DS and he just gets new ones. DH will support me and get on them for their behavior and lecture responsibility but then when we are alone he will rag on me for it.
Anyway this turned into a long ramble; my original question is HOW do you unspoil a child?