Is SO lying? (sorry, long...)
OK, something is fishy or I am paranoid. I think SO is lying, no, not a cheating story, it is related to his kids.
To give a background:
SO's two grown daughters (26, 19) are rather spoiled and are pretty much running his life. He admits that and knows it. I do feel, especially lately, that he chooses them over me most of the time. I mean i am a very involved mother but I do not always choose DD over evryone else. If I made plans with other people but DD changed hers, i do not cancel on other people to apease DD. DD also doesn't make personal decisions for me. A different story with SO. He cancells plans, changes plans, ruins plans: all to accommmodate SDs (I will call them SDs for convenience).
Older SD is very spoiled and has a very bad relationship with BM, has no friends and is hard to get along. She is the one who says she is getting engaged for the last year and a half, nobody knows who is he and if he even exists.
Anyways, neither his DDs nor my DD live at home, so when they come home we give each other space so we can be with our own children more. But what happens with SD (26) is that she grew up here, went to school here, college and now lives out of state. But she has not one friend here, not one! So she is here every school break (teacher), sits attached to the hip with dad, 24/7. Every time SO says: we won't be attached to the hip, they end up attached to the hip. She needs dad 24/7. I won't hide it that I do feel rejected and am sometimes feeling jealous. And I do not think it is normal to have such attachment. he is always very tired after her visit because he cooks, cleans for her and drives her around and sits next to her.
Anyways lately I made aware for SO that I do feel hurt when he cancels plans with me when SDs change theirs. And I feel hurt because he cannot say "no" to them but thinks it is OK to say "no" to me. I am pretty openm about the fact that I don't think it is fair to me.
Now we don't live together per se. I still keep my place, but spend a week at his house, and then two days at mine. Then a week at his. Long story short when he is on business trips (which is quiet often) i am at my place.
he came two weeks ago from Japan and told me that he goes again on April 20. We always tell each all of our plans so we can put it on a calendar and we both can be on the same page. I go in March to see my DD and I told SO and ask if SD is coming during school break to see him. he said no.
Two days ago I passed by a calendar and on April 20th it says: S. (SD 26) is coming. Huh? If he will be in japan how can she be coming? He never told me she is coming!
Now I think he is lying. Options:
1.I suspect that he was going to tell me he is in Japan but in a meanwhile SD will be with him here and I wouldn't know. If i wouldn't know I would not be able to ask for plans not being changed or whatever else. Since I am unhappy being neglcted he will make sure I don't even know she comes here!
2. SD doesn't want me to be around so instead of telling me and upsetting me he lies to me.
Oh another thing. All of a sudden SO decided he wants to make another bedroom out of office room and talks about buying a new bed. he keeps telling me that I and he need a new bed (no, we don't) so old bed will go to a new bedroom. When I asked him why he needs an extra bedroom (when there are enough bedrooms for guests) he is very vague...
So options # 3 and 4:
3. SD is going to do what she threatened to do long time ago: move in with dad and go get PhD in our state. So he makes a room for her.
4. She finally got engaged and brings him to meet dad but either she or he don't want me around during this visit.
5. SD got engaged but SO isn't telling me (who knows why)
I am probably paranoid, but it all smells fishy to me...So what's going on? It doesn't sound like him to not tell me of SD's visit. Plus what's up with SD coming during exact week when he is supposed to be in Japan for a week!
even if there is some logical explanation, something feels wrong to me...