Funny kid stories

momof5angelsFebruary 11, 2009

Thought that this would be fun to do! Please post your funny kid stories!

I'll start!

When my DS15 was 3 he would want to go to visit his Nana EVERY day all day long. One day I told him that I knew his Nana wasn't home so we couldn't visit. He asked "How do you know?" I don't know why I said it...but I told him "Well, I have BIG eyes." He just went on playing. The next day he came to me and asked me about whether Nana was home or not. I told him I wasn't sure. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door...I wasn't sure what he was doing but I followed...Once I was on the porch he said "Do it, Mom. Do it!" I asked what he was talking about and he said "Use your BIG eyes!" Not sure what to do, I just opened my eyes up REALLLLY wide and said "Yep...she's home. We'll go up there in a bit!" This continued on for about a week. We would be at the store and he would say "Hey Mom! Do they have chocolate milk in the back of the store? Use your BIG eyes!" And then while we were checking out, he asked me to use my big eyes to see if it was raining outside. I had to tell him that I didn't have big eyes anymore. We still joke about this one.

Story 2: We were driving down the road a couple of years ago when SS11 got into a very detailed religious discussion. With a TON of concern in his voice he suddenly said "You know how some people have bad bibles that aren't like the real bible?" I told him that I did. He said "Well, my aunt in NY has one of those bad bibles." Knowing that his aunt is a minister, I just said "Oh?" He said "Yep. In her bible it says you shouldn't want your neighbor's wife and you shouldn't want your neighbor's A-word." I was lost for a second...and then it hit me. OH...You should not covet your neighbor's ASS. I tried not to laugh and explained that the bible was referring to a donkey...When I got home I could NOT stop laughing...once I got to MY room, of course.

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Oh, i've got one from the other day!

It was snowing and icey and I was driving DD home from school, and the tires started to spin a little bit as I accelerated at a light.

I am a HORRIBLE driver in bad weather, so I just tightened my grip on the steering wheel and muttered "sh*t."

I guess I "muttered" it a little too loud because her little voice from the backseat piped up, "Did you just say SH*T, Mommy?"

I (stupidly) tried to deny it at first and she says in a very loud voice, " YES, you DID. S-H-I-T, sh*t." Yes, she actually SPELLED it out and repeated it, just like in a spelling bee.

I had to admit it then. I just said "yeah, honey, I did, sorry about that...I said a bad word and shouldn't have."

It was pretty amusing.

Another thing I can think of---it wasn't really funny at the time, but it is now. We were at the grocery store and she was about 3 years old. A rather LARGE (ok, she was obese) woman walked by us pushing a cart PILED with food. It really was piled high!

DD goes "wow, that BIIIIIIG woman sure has a lot of food for her!"

OH! I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. :(

But it's kind of funny looking back...

    Bookmark   February 11, 2009 at 4:27PM
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I have two funny stories from my childhood.

Well I remember when the drinking and driving commercials seemed to be on a lot when I was a kid. So driving along with my dad we stopped for some fast food. I drank my drink and then hurried up and drank his. A bit later he asked why I drank all our drinks and I said something along the lines of "daddy I did not want you to get arrested for drinking and driving"! He laughed for quite a while!

The say no to drugs commercials were big when I was a kid too. My younger sister was hounding me and telling me to say no. I kept asking why and she finally said you have to say no to drugs. I told her I would not say no (I was just being a brat). So later we were at the store with our mom and really loud my little sister says:
"Mommy..._______(insert my name) doesn't say no to drugs!"

My mom later told me she could have died of embarassment because people started staring!

    Bookmark   February 11, 2009 at 5:03PM
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I remember before I had children that it irked me when I heard a child say...."Mom, I farted!" it was something to announce to the world and something to be proud of. I was determined that I would do my best to avoid something like that being announced. When I had our daughter and she would do such a thing I would just wave my hand in front of my face and make a funny face. One day I was watching her from the dining room window while she was in the back yard. She was about 3. Every once in a while I would see her waving her hand in front of her face. I knew exactly what she was doing. SOOOO funny!

    Bookmark   February 12, 2009 at 10:31AM
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I LOVE these stories!!! I would love to hear more!!

    Bookmark   February 12, 2009 at 2:52PM
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One fine Sunday morning in the late 1970's we'd run out of propane for the BBQ and headed out to fill the tank. The place we usually had them filled was no longer in business. Grumble grumble. We head to a gas station where I thought I'd seen a propane tank...nope. Grumble grumble. Off to a third gas station which was able to fill the tank...Finally!

The next day I get a phone call from my son's kindergarten teacher asking if we might have a word after school?
As I approach his teacher, she has this very distressed look and proceeds to tell me what my son "shared" after she'd asked what each of the children had done during the weekend.
In an exasperated tone my child "shares" with the kindergarten class that we'd driven around and around ALL DAY looking for cocaine!
How perfect is that?! Kids.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2009 at 11:20PM
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That is priceless!.....So sad to think that there are many kids that could say that and it would be the truth!

    Bookmark   February 12, 2009 at 11:25PM
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The other day my DH, DD3, and I were eating out. In walks a very short statured woman (actually about the size of my SS's mom lol) and my DD says very loudly "THAT LADY IS REALLY REALLY LITTLE!" I have to admitt I kind of chuckled and told her to be quiet and that people comes in all sizes. I don't think the lady heard, but I am pretty sure her friend, who was sitting near us did, and she gave us the stink eye.

My DH and I were talking about what we wanted for xmas and my DD said "What? You guys are parents you can't have any presents." I just wonder where she gets this stuff.

She got a Little Mermaid beauty head thing for xmas from her grandma and was just curious as all get out about where the rest of Ariel was. She walked in with her head and said "Mom why did grandma give me a head for xmas?"

One time my DH asked SS, then about 5, if Spiderman was his hero (big spidey fan at the time)and he said- "No what has Spiderman ever done for us." I said nothing but cost us money under my breath. It was sooo funny.

They say so many funny things that I could be here all day.

    Bookmark   February 13, 2009 at 10:33AM
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When my almost-18 year old was only 3, he got very, very frustrated one day and just had to let it out. I was watching him to see how he would handle it, and he was watching me -- I could just see the little wheels turning inside his head as he calculated what he could get away with. Finally, he screwed up his little face and said "Damage!"

    Bookmark   February 13, 2009 at 6:06PM
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When my kids were little, I was always playing patty cake or doing the 'this little piggy went to the market' with their toes. One day, my 3 year old son (he's 22 now) and I were standing in line at the bank. There was a lady in front of us, dressed very business like dress suit. My son turns around and looks up at me and squeals "Mommy! I can see her PIGGY'S!" and points down to her open toed heels. I know she heard him and he was jumping around pointing at her feet. A couple of people behind me snickered but she never turned around. It was funny.

    Bookmark   February 13, 2009 at 7:49PM
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The girls stayed in the delivery room when Layla was born. While I was pregnant they asked tons of questions so we educated them on pregnancy and how the baby developes inside the womb. They are the only five year olds I have heard tell people "Mommy has a baby in her womb" instead of saying tummy. LOL. We watched birth videos on you tube and the works. I think they could of DELIVERED Layla if it came down to it. The were very interested in every thing including how the baby got there in the first place (we just played dumb and changed the subject on that one:)

So anyway, now it's go time and I'm in labor and delivery and we gave the girls the option to stay and watch or leave with my dad. Wild horses couldn't of drug those kids away I tell you. When Layla came out the girls let out a prefectly in unison "AWWWWWWWW". When the placenta came out there was an equally perfectly in unison "EWWWWWWW". HAHAHA.

The fact that cartoons were blasting while I was pushing out a kid was also hillarious. It is an experience I will never forget. I can't tell you how pleased I am they share their experience with everyone....right down to the fact that I pooped myself while pushing. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Good times.

    Bookmark   February 14, 2009 at 12:16AM
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doodleboo! What a cute and funny story!! LOL!!!! Everybody's stories are so cute!!

I think one of the most embarrassing one's in my life doesn't even involve my own children. It was my brother. I was the oldest of 5 kids and my brother is 10 years younger than I was. When I was 15 I was babysitting my siblings but also helped with grocery shopping. My siblings and I walked to a local grocery store and grabbed some things. My brother had just turned 5 and was quite a talker. While we stood in line, the lady in front of us pulled out some food stamps. My brother looked at me amazed. "Hey! Where did she get that brown dollar????!!!" My 7 year old sister was behind him...He screamed "Hey Sissy! Look at that!!! They make BROWN DOLLARS!! That lady right there has a BROWN dollar!"

Now that was embarrassing. I couldn't get him to stop talking about it. The kid carried on about that for 2 hours...

    Bookmark   February 16, 2009 at 5:58PM
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I just thought of an embarassing story that happened with my friend and his son.

My friend has a bit of a potty mouth and I guess his son had picked it up. His son was 4 at the time and we had gotton together with our sons and a few other friends and their kids to hang out. As they were leaving his son turned and said "bye f*ckers"!

We all looked at him and my friend asked him what he said and his son repeated it again clear as day!

We all looked at my friend and told him that maybe he should watch his own potty mouth a bit more! LOL I could tell he was totally embarassed!

    Bookmark   February 16, 2009 at 8:37PM
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I went to the doctor's office with a friend so I could watch her 4 year old daughter while she was having her examination.

While mommy was being examined, a pregnant woman came in and my friend's daughter asked me why the woman's tummy was so fat?

I gently explained to her that the woman's tummy wasn't really fat, that she was pregnant, and had her baby inside her tummy.

Right at that moment, my friend came back into the waiting room, and her daughter ran to her screaming in terror, "Mommy, Mommy! That woman ATE HER BABY!"

Yeah, I had a little explaining to do.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2009 at 2:36AM
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So tonight at dinner DS7 asked what we would change if we were President. He said he would give money to all the poor kids in the world so they didn't have to live in dirt houses anymore. We discussed how sometimes just money doesn't solve a problem and he might have to think of other options.

He paused for a minute and said "I know! People can adopt the poor kids for a lot of money so the kids have houses and the parents have money. Like maybe two payments of $29.99 plus shipping and handling."

After I picked myself up off the floor I decided he watched too much TV this weekend. :-)

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 12:51AM
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