The workings of the male mind.....

almoststepmomFebruary 2, 2009

I am not really asking for advice just sort of seeing what everyone else thinks about this. DS moved in with ex last fall. Christmas Day ex told SM that he and DS were moving in with his parents and he wanted a divorce. Now ex and DS live with ex-MIL/FIL. MIL loves having both of 'her boys' living with her. Anyway, DS just came over for the weekend and announced that ex had new GF already and she is 19. DS is 15. I look at a 19 as a child like DS...not someone that I think of dating. Mind you, we were young when we had DS and ex is only 33, but I find it odd. I asked DS if he found it weird that ex was dating someone closer to his age than ex's. DS said that he told ex that she could be his sister and ex got a little ruffled and said 'no way!' What is this showing to DS????? It is a little frightening!

Do you think that ex is wanting to relive teenage years with DS and ex living in what ex calls their 'bachelor pad' (they have a house they are remodeling to move in this spring)?? I know that neither of us had much of a young adulthood because of having a child and then ex left me to marry SM in the same week that our divorce became final. This is the common age he gravitates toward all the other times that ex and SM have split so it is nothing new just not understandable to me. I know that ex's maturity level is not much beyond the 19 year old level IMO but I have a hard time seeing the attraction to what I view as a child. The guys here at work would like to shake his hand and I don't understand that thinking...

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I think guys date younger women for 2 reasons. 1-they are immature. 2-it makes them feel young!

My dad was 12 years older than my mom.
My stepmom now is the same age as my oldest sibling.

Don't have anything to say to you to make you feel better about the situation. Sorry.

    Bookmark   February 2, 2009 at 3:55PM
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Well 19 is too young, let's put it this way. Not having education, career, life of her own yet, yes a child in a sense. Age difference does not bother me. It is just that 19 is too young.

My X just married a much younger woman. He is 41, she is 27. DD is 21. X just had a baby. He never had any interest in younger women though. He had a long term girlfriend for 10 years who was same age as him. I am a year older than X.

His new wife does not look very young and he looks young, so age difference is not that noticeable. DD does not care, so I don't care either.

so you don't have to deal with that SM anymore? that's a good thing. She does not insist that DS stays wiht her when X canot be with DS? That woman was bad news. compare to her, 19-year-old is a better choice. haha Kidding.

he started dating already? left her on Christmas and already has a GF? Ouch. This is bizzare. Even if she would be older, still weird.

    Bookmark   February 2, 2009 at 4:01PM
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Doesn't exactly sound like a prince...
Leaving your wife on Christmas Day? That's really low.
Then falling for a 19-year old when you have a 15-year old son? Low and Weird!
(Guess I shouldn't have said 'Then' -- Bet the 'fallinf for' happened long before the 'leaving'.)

It really says a lot about him, where he is in his life, and what he values in a "woman".

    Bookmark   February 2, 2009 at 4:41PM
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The workings of the male mind...sounds like this particular male mind is not Sweeby said it does say alot about him and what he values in a woman...but also what he values as a role model to his son. I bet now that you look back you're glad he moved on without you. I would be.

    Bookmark   February 2, 2009 at 4:54PM
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What Sweeby said.

My ex was 44 when he started dating a 21 year old. His daughter was 17 at the time. For the life of me, I cannot fathom how his mind can separate sleeping with a woman/girl who is essentially a peer of his daughter! And how did he think that was going to make his daughter feel?!! How would he feel if his daughter was sleeping with a 40 year old?!!

As for:

"The guys here at work would like to shake his hand and I don't understand that thinking... "

I'm sure that a number of my ex's friends think the same thing. I guess these selfish and emotionally stunted type of men gravitate towards each other. Blech.

    Bookmark   February 2, 2009 at 7:48PM
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FD - I don't know if by letting ex know last summer when he left SM that I did not want DS staying with SM that it made a difference or not this time. But DS talked like he knew and was going with ex the whole time. SM has not had the control this time that ex let her maintain last time and ex gave me his cell number to contact him directly if I needed him for the first time in 11 years. I believe ex had been planning and saving to figure out a way to leave rather than just leaving without a plan this time. Then as the holidays got closer, ex decided to wait until after the holidays. I did not realize ex was going to do it the minute gifts were unwrapped on Christmas Day but that is practically what happened. SM plays a lot of games and manipulates more when under pressure so as time goes on I hope that DS will take this not as disrespect for women but just a bad situation that ex needed to get out of as from what DS has said that ex is seeing this through not only SM but their daughter also now.

I know that ex did know the new GF before he split with SM and knowing his track record I would not be surprised if ex was seeing new GF before the split. But I do not know that for a fact...just going off of prior history. I do not think that ex has respect for women at all and I truly see this girl as a child but I have no say only concern. One positive note is that ex and ex-MIL are very close and I do believe that seeing ex with his mother has helped with the way that DS has treated me lately. I have seen the way that DS sister treated SM and I do believe that impacted the way that DS was treating me for awhile when DS was living with ex and SM. I am truly glad that DS is away from SM and his sister--although his sister does come over every day after school until SM gets off work but she will not spend the night with ex as she believes that if ex wants to spend anymore time than that with her that ex has to move back in. It truly is a mess with SM and their daughter!! I believe that it will all work out for the best now and I think that ex will see me as the best ex-wife of the two of us because I know once SM finds out about new GF that she will flip out. EX is trying to keep it hush-hush until divorce is final to keep it peaceful. Should be interesting....

    Bookmark   February 3, 2009 at 9:52AM
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Wow! I'm really surprised that so many of you have such a negative view of age differences.

My SO and I are 16 years apart. I don't think age differences come into play unless 1)one person is WAY too young and inexperienced or 2) when the couple gets older and the younger one is still in the workforce and trying to take care of an elderly spouse. That's a pretty tough situation that I witnessed in my SO's parents.

In this particular case, I would say the age difference is inappropriate for 2 reasons:

1) 19 is way too young and inexperienced. She has no idea what she's getting herself into with a guy with kids by 2 different moms and all that comes with it. Right now she's seeing everything rosey. Doesn't seem like she's face any adversity yet. Your DS is gonna be gravy to deal with compared to when she has to start dealing with that other woman. YIKES! I hate to see that! Might end up on one of those sleazy talk shows.

2) Your X has a son LIVING IN HIS HOME that is really close in age to her, and not related. I see this as a disaster waiting to happen. Neither GF or DS can be comfortable in their own house. And when they ARE comfortable, then there's really something to worry about. I don't want to upset you or anything, but I've heard of more than a few cases of a GF/wife getting caught sleeping with a son. And I don't think any of you want that.

My SO has a son that is 22. I am 29. So that's only 7 years apart. BUT, I have never met him and he lives in another state. I would've had to back out if he actually lived with SO. It would've been way too weird.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2009 at 4:14PM
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It isn't his mind that's working...

    Bookmark   February 7, 2009 at 6:32PM
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At 33, that is kind of weird. I mean, it take most guys until around their mid 40s before they get into that proverbial mid-life crisis thing and start going for those 20/something women.

As far as the guys you work with who would like to shake his hand? Explain to them that if they haven't been able to find any women like her, they probably just haven't been going to trashy enough bars. Seriously, a 19 y/o who is attracted to a guy who lives with his X in-laws? Well, maybe your X seemed like a better prospect than those guys in prison she was dating before?

    Bookmark   February 7, 2009 at 9:28PM
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