I don't want to live with my fiance's daughter.
Hi everyone...I'm brand new here, but I've just read every message in the forum and now I need to vent.
My fiance is 36, and I'm 28. We've been together for 3 years. His daughter is 13 (I'll call her Amy). He didn't know Amy existed until she was 6. Throughout our relationship, Amy has stayed with us on weekends sometimes, but when she's not with her BM, she's mainly with his parents, and he sees her at their house.
BM is disgusting--5 kids by 3 different men, lives with her sister's family because she can't support herself, doesn't work, collects welfare, never taught the kids to shower or brush their teeth or wear clean clothes. There are 10 people living in their 2-bedroom apartment, and Amy's lack of hygiene skills is appalling.
We live in a 2-BR apt, and one time when Amy stayed over, the smell of her feet was so strong that I got up and left in the middle of the night and stayed at my mother's house. My fiance tells her she has to clean herself better, and she'll do it for a day or two, but then it's back to the dirtiness.
All the sudden, 2 weeks ago, BM decides that Amy should live with me and my fiance -- no explanation. Up until now, she'd been reluctant to give up the child support, but I think my fiance told her he'd continue paying her, even though Amy's living with us.
This is DRIVING ME CRAZY. I feel like I've lost control of my home. I do not want to clean up after her. When my fiance falls asleep at 9 p.m., I don't want to have her hovering around me every night. When he gets off work late or has to leave early, I don't want to have to drive her to school and back. When I come home late from work, there she is, in my chair in the living room, on my computer, and I have to hide in the kitchen until I'm ready for bed. She is not my responsibility. I get no joy out of coming home any more, because I feel like it's not my home.
The biggest problem is that I'm completely skeeved out by her. I know that a lot of it is mental, but I can't help myself. I take my own towels into the bedroom now, because I don't want her using them. And that's just one example. I'm Lysol-ing EVERYTHING, constantly. The grossest thing, by FAR, is that when she uses the toilet, she doesn't flush the toilet paper--she throws it in the wastebasket. I don't know where she picked this up, but it's nasty, and I've told my fiance before that I won't have it in my house.
Just last night, I go into my bathroom and there's a big cruddy wad of toilet paper in the basket, and the bathroom STUNK. I tried to stay calm and said to my fiance, "You need to tell her to FLUSH the toilet paper. This is not the first time. It's disgusting, and it smells, and we don't do that here." And he stared at me like I'm EVIL. This is the FIRST and only negative thing I've said about her living here, and I don't think I'm out of line on this one! He didn't say a word to her. *I* cleaned out the wastebasket, and this morning, there's a fresh wad of TP in there...with blood on it.
I'm sorry this is so gross, but I'm just so disgusted and I don't know what to do. I feel like my life has just been turned upside down, and if I say anything, I'm going to lose my fiance.
Thanks for reading, if you got this far!