his kids don't wanna come over anymore

becky2010February 5, 2010

Ok.... I really need help!! My husband and I just got married November 2009 but we have been living together since January 2009...and we both were previously divorced 3 years prior. His wife cheated on him and well me and my ex grew apart. We see each other as each others soulmate! We have 6 children between us.. ages 15g, 14g, 13b, 10g, 9b, 8b. My 2 younger kiddos 10g n 9b do go back and forth between dad and mom you know reg visitaion. His 2 boys live with their mom and come only on their dads days off...however; for the past 9 months his boys well his older son 13 has changed his whole attitude about coming to our home. He says there is too much going on at our house with my 4 children and would rather stay at his moms. When he does come over...he always wants to go back home. He tells his dad that he wants to spend time with him but, the time he wants to spend with his dad always consist of his dad spending money on him. My husband will try to watch a movie at home with him or play the guitar with him but he'll get bored everytime and wanna go hometo his moms. My life is pretty much when my husband is off from work he has his kiddos so really no time for us, however; thats not what gets me. It's the fact that when he trys to spend time with him he pouts and is always unhappy. It's almost like he hates his father. He wishes his dad wasn't married. I do also know that his mother doesn't like me to go to any events pertaining to her sons. If I'm there..she won't go! When we were first dating maybe a year into our relationship... his ex wife asked him "what do you see in her that you didnt see in me?" and now his son is asking him the same question because he see's us happy. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't like that he's being torn between me and his kiddos.

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If I followed that correctly, you have two DDs 15/14, the SS13, a DD10 and a DS9, and SS8.

Since you're not mentioning real stepmom issues or fighting stepsibling issues, I'm going to venture your problem may have more to do with the SS13 feeling a bit the odd wheel who really is just rather bored and at a bit of a difficult age.

He's got two stepsisters at the age of girl teen *stuff*, two stepsiblings (the 9/10 yr) who are younger and less into teen boy *stuff*, and a younger brother who fits in agewise and interest with the 9/10 yr olds. He has nobody to hang with that is interested in his age/gender interests and with a large family unit dad can't take them all out and spend it up like crazy all the time. Yeah, sounds pretty boring to a 13 yr old.

I like dad spends time one on one with him (movie/music), really does not sound like you are doing anything to push him away or make him feel rejected. Maybe SS13 could occasionally invite a same age male friend along and play music or watch vids together, somebody to give SS somebody to relate to on his level?

The BM and you both both being at events is something BM and DH are going to have to work out. I hear this a lot here and I really never seem to get the big issue over it. With the boys ask you to attend and want you to attend and you ladies keep to your own space, I don't get why one or the other should stay home. I would imagine with so many kids in these age groups that both you and BM have kids in these events, why would either one of you be expected to stay home if you both have kids pertaining to these events.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2010 at 2:54PM
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