what brought you here??

pseudo_momFebruary 22, 2009

I searched for:

Defiant Stepson

And found this site

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Disappointment and problems with adult stepchildren. Searched for stepfamilies.

    Bookmark   February 22, 2009 at 12:32PM
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I searched for 'support for stepfamilies'. I was looking for input on how to help SD cope with her mom leaving and how I can cope with her taking it out on me.

    Bookmark   February 22, 2009 at 12:43PM
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I also searched for support for stepmoms or something of that nature.

Step-parenting is by FAR the most difficult thing I have ever faced. I was a single mom and a full-time student for several years, and even that doesn't compare to the challenges being a step-parent can bring. Trying to balance it all---marriage (well, for a long time it was a relationship), being a mom to my DD, school, then teaching, step-parenting, dealing with BM, etc. has been a challenge and it's nice to know there are others out there that have been through the same things.

    Bookmark   February 22, 2009 at 12:50PM
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I searched for stepfamily, jealous vindictive exwife. and found this site. After reading for so many years, i would see similarities and would learn from others how to handle things...and just felt glad that i wasn't alone dealing with a difficult Bm. Also glad she lives hours aways and that i do not have to deal with her on a daily basis.

    Bookmark   February 22, 2009 at 1:44PM
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I had posted a few times on some other stepparent site and there was just not much activity. I would post and then wait like 2 days for a reply. Drove me nuts! So I searched for another stepfamily forum and stumbled upon this one. Loved it and have been here about a year and a half....gosh it seems so much longer!!

You guys got me through my biggest problems! From bm being out of state to her coming back and everything in between! Even helped me through some problems with my ex. And many problems that were not even totally stepfamily issues.

I have checked out other forums but this one by far has the most activity and good advice. So many other stepfamily sites have the "wicked stepmoms" who really seemed mean to their own stepkids...so I wanted no advice from them!

    Bookmark   February 22, 2009 at 3:05PM
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Googled estranged Stepchildren... GW popped up...Estrangement was 6 months old at that time,going on 2 years now....

    Bookmark   February 22, 2009 at 3:35PM
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I was searching for an outlet for my frustrations and struggles in adjusting to my new marriage/step parenting situation. I was tired of talking to my girl friend about things and always hearing..." I'm glad I stayed single"....or...."I'm happy just the way I am, single."....or...."That's why I'm not getting married again!"......LOL!!!! I love my best friend....I didn't want to keep whining to her all of the time and I needed encouragement from people that were going through it.

    Bookmark   February 22, 2009 at 7:29PM
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I felt the same way believer. I don't really have many people close to me in similar situations. The friends who I do have with stepkids have EOW situations and they were different than mine. So I got a lot of sympathy but nobody to relate to.

Plus I like complaining on here and looking like less of a complainer to people in my "real life".

    Bookmark   February 22, 2009 at 8:55PM
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I don't remember how I found this site exactly, but searched something on blended families, as this is the hardest thing ever. I have a handful of close girlfriends, all on their first marriages, with babies. They just didn't understand. They still don't understand the challenges with a blended family. Mine happens to blend like oil and water.

I've been here about 6 months and really feel better just knowing I'm not the only one!

    Bookmark   February 22, 2009 at 9:14PM
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I searched for "what to do when your exwife moves your daughter away". Ha ha! That was because of my SO and the situation he was going through at the time.

Little did I know that I would be the one getting the benefit out of finding this site.

    Bookmark   February 22, 2009 at 10:02PM
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From a technical standpoint, I typed in "stepfamily forum" and found this site.

From a personal standpoint, the reason I googled "stepfamily forum" was because I was dealing with emotions I never thought I would feel. My stepchildren and biological children literally don't have a clue how I feel about most things...I come here to 1) get away from it all 2) get it all out in the open to at least SOMEONE 3) get put in check if I am being unreasonable and 4) get advice if my problem is legitimate. Having never been a stepmother I honestly wasn't sure what was legitimate and what was frivolous at times and even after 4 1/2 years I still have those moments. It is mostly during those times that I most appreciate getting solid advice.

I came here for help and guidance. I stayed because I got both.

    Bookmark   February 23, 2009 at 3:22AM
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Summer of 2007, my BF was taking long to introduce me to his children. I wanted to know how long is too long. typed something like "meeting grown children of your boyfriend/girlfriend etc" I didn't have anyone to ask, nobody has this type of situation. My therapist at the time said that taking in consideration how poor is mother's relationship wiht DDs(older DD barely speaks to her mother), also due to the fact that his daughters dislike mom's BF, he might worry they would dislike me too, so he had to take the time and do it slow way. Although she was correct and those were the reasons at the time, I wanted to see more opinions. Came across this forum.

    Bookmark   February 23, 2009 at 11:55AM
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I think I googled "pain in @$$ ex-wife". No, just kidding:)

I was having problems dealing with a mental (literally) BM so I googled step families hoping I could find other Step Parents dealing with difficult Ex's. I figured I could vent if nothing else.

    Bookmark   February 23, 2009 at 2:01PM
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problems and stress from my skids. More specifically my sd who I wanted to go back to live with her mom because of her issues, and her dad not doing anything about it.
I don't have anyone to talk to who understands where I am coming from or what I go through on a daily basis.
People like to just think kids are kids, and fixing things should be easy as pie.

    Bookmark   February 23, 2009 at 2:37PM
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Like Momof5Angels, I typed "stepfamily forum" into Google.
I looked at several of the hits, and GW seemed like the most open atmosphere.

As for why I Googled stepfamily forum...
I saw things getting serious between me and my BF.
I liked his son, and knew that I was OK with becoming part of another stepfamily (I have a SM and three SSisters).
But I knew that I wasn't OK with how things were at the time. I wasn't sure what my rights and responsibilities were in it all, or if my expectations were reasonable.

I also recognized that A__, who was 8 when I first came to GW, needed some changes in his life to help him get his ADHD under control. I had looked at ADHD sites and support forums, but they all assume you have the kid with you 100% of the time and they have an unshakable routine in their life.
I realized there was other moms and SMs here who had kds with behavioral disorders, and were making it work without a routine.

So this was the place for me!
Now, a year and a half later, DH and I are married.
I'm fairly certain that without GW to help me navigate becoming a SM, we wouldn't have made it to here!
Thanks everyone!

    Bookmark   February 23, 2009 at 10:16PM
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I was remodeling my kitchen?!?

After a year on the kitchen forum I happened to notice the step family forum and decided to check it out. Two years later I'm on to a second kitchen, but I always come here first. This forum, and the people I've come to consider cyber friends, have gotten me through some ugly moments and helped me make some hard decisions. It's so nice to have a group who understand just where I am coming from and offer support, just as it's nice to have some cyber smack me upside the head.

    Bookmark   February 24, 2009 at 12:44AM
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I also googled 'stepfamily forum'. Had a bit of time to kill that day, had a few issues with the skids and the BM, but never even considered forums before. I only looked for it out of curiosity, but now I'm hooked!

JNM come have a look at our kitchen showroom, I'm a kitchen designer!!

    Bookmark   February 24, 2009 at 2:19AM
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OMG - seriously? I knew I liked you!! Kitchens are my obsession. Do you ever hang out on the kitchens forum? If not, you should!

    Bookmark   February 24, 2009 at 5:01PM
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I started on the kitchens forum, too.

I checked out this forum when my son and his wonderful girlfriend started getting serious. Her parents have a very bitter divorce; both are remarried, and her father has two little children with his second wife (in addition to my son's girlfriend and her full sister). Our family has been luckier (or at least simpler); no one closer than a cousin has been divorced or in a stepfamily situation.

I know this is a big issue in my son's girlfriend's life, and I wanted to be able to gain some insight. I know there is nothing that even comes close to personal experience, but I wanted to learn what I could. I don't come here often, but I sure have learned from all of you, and I'm grateful to you for sharing your experiences, perspectives, and insights. The two main things I have learned are:

1) So many of the problems are the same as any family has -- but they get magnified and distorted in the stepfamily context

2) It is unbelievably hard to live in a step situation -- no matter what your role -- and it's very hard to empathize with others in the constellation, because this is YOUR LIFE, and not just temporarily, so it's hard to accept that there are many perfectly legitimate points of view and interests that are simply impossible to reconcile, not just perfectly, but even acceptably. My heart goes out to the people on this board who deal with so much pain and frustration. And I am in awe of the people who are able to achieve what seems to me almost superhuman serenity and perspective!

    Bookmark   February 24, 2009 at 6:09PM
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Haha, ok I might check out the kitchen forum, but since it's my job I already spend 9 hrs a day surrounded by kitchens, so I don't know if I would find it that relaxing!!

    Bookmark   February 24, 2009 at 6:41PM
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I first started posting at the KT years ago and found all of these wonderful forums to read. I especially like the PC help forum.

    Bookmark   February 24, 2009 at 9:24PM
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I wanted to find people who have similar problems when dealing with step-children and the "ex-wife". Also, I wanted to see if there were people out there who can put a different 'spin' on the things going on in my life as a step-mom.

    Bookmark   February 25, 2009 at 4:26PM
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