How many of you have gone to personal counseling for your step family issues?
I have been considering it. Because I don't think that I can deal with the intensity of the emotions that I am having. Lately I am super resentful of even being a step parent. I did not used to feel this way. There was a time when I actually thought that I was helping my step kids. but not so much anymore.
I just can't stand either one of them now. I feel like they have robbed me of time. Even though I chose to spend that time, I now feel like I was robbed of it. I feel like I wasted my time. Time that could have been spent elsewhere on something I enjoy.
I am sick of our time being spent on the issues of my sd, and the other kids getting the short end of the stick. It is hard to try and find enough hours in the day to properly spend with each child. So sd ends up with the lions share. As did her brother when he lived here.
I have been leaving most of it to dh so that I can spend the time with the other kids....but now I am finding that I am pissed off that dh is not spending enough time with the other kids. It's all just ridiculous. I find myself putting the blame on sd. Thinking....well if she wasn't so messed up the we wouldn't be in this predicament. I feel so angry lately. I don't like it.
It gets to the point where I don't even want to be in the same room as her because I won't be able to say anything nice to her. Like all of my effort and restraint, and adult behavior is suspended and all I feel is this anger and resentment towards her and her dad.
I wonder if the ss getting his g/f preggo didn't spark this in me, as it sparked a need in dh to put even more effort into sd so she won't turn out like her brother and her mom. I started feeling this way after we heard that news. It has been growing each day. I try to get it under control and tell myself to just chill out, it will all work out and pass. But dammit if I am not having a difficult time doing it.
Wait!! Maybe I know......I don't know....I think maybe, that it is that we put so much time and parenting into ss, to help him with all his troubles when he was younger and even up till 8 months ago,...and he has gone and done what we always feared is where he would end up. Even when he was young, with all his problems and the counseling....we could see by his behavior then, ...he will drop out of school and do nothing with himself if he didn't help himself and start changing.
You can see it in some kids. I saw it in him. There was no motivation there, no goals, no nothing, even as hard as we tried to get him to understand and take an active role in his own life...he wouldn't do it.
Now, as his dad is disappointed in him.....his determination to "fix" his daughter is ramped up and that is pissing me off. Because I see the same thing in her. No motivation. No willingness to change anything about herself or take on any responsibility for herself and her own life. She just wants everyone around her to adapt so she doesn't have to. It was the same way with her brother.
Do I want dh to just give up??? No. I don't know. I just don't know.
I don't know how you help someone that doesn't want to be helped.
Dh is doing all the work, and sd is doing nothing...same way it was with ss.
Dh is on the same path. He is stressed out and full of anxiety.
He is fearful that his daughter will turn out to be the same way. That if she goes back to her moms she will drop out of school and end up pregnant. Because they don't know how to function without someone telling them exactly what needs to be done.
Teaching them responsibility is damn near impossible.
Dh thinks he has been teaching his daughter responsibility by giving her a "schedule" but all he did was put himself on a schedule.
He takes her to work on weekends....but...he wakes her up so she won't be late. Same with school....he wakes her up for school so she won't be late.
He went to the school counselor and has her bring a signed slip home every week from all her teachers, because she isn't responsible enough to make sure she does the work in all of her classes, so she won't flunk. Lots of hand holding going on with her.
I am tired. Very tired. I need a break.
Thanks for letting me rave on like some kind of lunatic. Cuz I sure feel like one today.