What to do when DH is not treating skids or grandkids right?
On another thread I shared that my DH pays almost no attention to his grandsons, the children of SS30. Mostly I've shared about the problems between me and SS30 but not so much about the problems between SS30 and DH.
I've shared at length on how SS30 doesn't work, go to school and basically is a Mr Mom on one relief program after the next with his babymama gf. They have two kids, DH's grandsons, 9 and 3. Techinically, these boys are my DS7's nephews. We always get a chuckle out of that, my little boy is the big time uncle.
Because DH disapproves of how SS30 is living he has washed his hands of them. Them including the grandkids. Let me be upfront, I neither agree or support his behavior on this. Before my son was born and for some years after I picked up SGS9, took him to the zoo, movies, kiddie plays had him over for sleepovers and even helped SD35 to throw a sleepover birthday party at my house when he turned five. At that point she had never done anything like that for my son, her 1/2 brother. Because SS doesn't drive I always had to go to the burbs to pick up SGS and either drive him back too or twist DH's arm to transport him.
It's been a long time since SKS9 has spent the night in our home or been over for a playdate and SGS3 never has. SKS has many emotional problems, has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder, kicked out of pre-schools, suspended many times from elementary schools, in therapy and on and on. DH has become downright negative on his grandsons spending time at our house or with our son.
DH is at best detached from his grandkids. The first one has emotional problems which I haven't detailed here but trust me there are a lot, and the second child is just a very busy toddler. All outreach to them came from me. We took the eldest one on a road trip to Big Sur. His parents had prepped him to order room service to which we said no! The kid was 7 at time expecting us to allow him to call room service for himself. He kicked out the expensive landscaping lights for the cypress trees because DH told him to get ready for dinner. WE had to pay $500 for those lights. After some confrontation he walked across the lawn screaming that he hated DH. Laid like a whale on the beach when it was time to go after saying he hated the beach. Seven years old. Scared us by telling the server at the restaurant that he wasn't with us as in these people are kidnapping me! You get the picture.
SD35 recently told me what I already knew, that SS30 and the grands are jealous of my DS7. And what's more she and they feel they have the right to be jealous! I believe they feel that if DS7 weren't around than DH would be the grandfather he should be. Who knows? DH disapproves of the very existence of these kids because of how they came along.
I feel DH is wrong to cut them off, they are his grandsons. Yes, he has a young child now too, DS7. Unfortunately, last year I just couldn't deal with this issue as my son was so ill with cancer and those people did practically nothing to be supportive. In fact, they balked at the amount of attention DS received and ignorantly said so once at the hospital. But now, the smoke has cleared and even though I don't particularly want much of a relationship with them, I know DS does and that DH really owes them that. I'm sure they think that I personally have a hand in why DH is not involved with his oldest son's life and family. Yeah, my hand in is the reason he has ANY involvement with them although they won't see that.
Anyone else in this situation? Any helpful thoughts?